All entries for Wednesday 05 April 2006

April 05, 2006

Calling Erato

No more putting it off. I'm cold and hungry
and my voice will sound like porridge, lumps and all.
Still, you deserve some expression of how I am,
a notebook scribble to find when you are bored.

Back then, you were closer than my retinas,
the dark of my eyelids.
I would go to bed kissing you and wake up alone.
Oh! morning kisses half awake, nuzzling into dryness!

Of course, you're the sort who knows but doesn't mention.
You're the sort who closer to me than myself is just there.
Capricious spirit, you deserved every moment I gave you –
every drop of attention, every tear.

Do you remember being by the lake that time,
when lateness and love were pressing on my mind?
To you I was alone, though our friends were there.
You threw your dusky blanket into the air.

You whispered uneven songs into my ear.
I wore your big wooly jumper, bobbled with stars,
breathing moonlight as if it were just a gas.
I realised then that you never loved me,

and that I loved another of my friends.
My cold feet kissed the grass. And when you left,
I wrote it all out in a stretch of dry coherence.
My best work yet. It's not for you. I breathe.

This anniversary is hard. It's the little details:
like finding your words there in my handwriting,
or your crumpled jumper in the corner of the evening.
I don't want to ask for emotional favours,

but we should meet again, soon. Coffee is fine.
I'll wait at dusk in the garden. Take your time.

April 2006

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