All 3 entries tagged Football

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May 02, 2007

Premiership league table (based on managers who are not utter shits)

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1. Aston Villa
2. Man City
3. West Ham
4. Tottenham
5. Everton
6. Reading
. (boring middle bit)
16. Watford
17. Blackburn
18. Chelsea
19. Man Utd
20. Bolton

(Assuming that the monstrous moaning Jabba-like thing at Bolton had not resigned in order to save the club’s dignity when the story finally breaks about his rampant bung-taking)

18 and 19 level on points, both relegated. Would be the best season EVER

October 26, 2005

Time to take Man Utd to the cleaners

Man Utd v Barnet, 20:00 kickoff

Probably the biggest game for Barnet since our first promotion to the football league at the start of the 1990s. Sadly Alex Ferguson has decided to hand squad numbers to five previously unpicked reserves, suggesting that only a few first teamers will be out there. On the other hand, Saha has been dropped, so clearly they're taking the game seriously. The charming pair of Rooney and Ronaldo will reportedly be starting on the bench in case of any emergency.

Good to see encouragement from ex-Barnet manager and Man Utd player Barry Fry: "United, 7–0!". I guess at this point I'm supposed to hope for any scoreline that looks respectable. Bollocks to that, I want us to try and hammer them.

'Mon the Bees!

October 12, 2005

Surely now the time has come to sack Sven Goran Eriksson? 10 reasons why we don't need the Swede

  • England have disgracefully topped their group

  • In this qualifying campaign England have dropped a shameful five whole points.

  • England have now topped their qualifying group three times in a row under Sven – but dropped points in every single campaign!

  • A whole four teams have beaten England in competetive matches – three of them (Brazil, Portugal and France) were minnows of world football.

  • Sven's record in competetive matches is better than both Kevin Keegan and Glenn Hoddle. As both these managers were proper Englishmen, Sven is BETRAYING our proud heritage by showing up our native managers.

  • There is a natural (and English) successor-in-waiting who has experience of managing at the highest level, is famous for the attacking, short-passing football his team plays, who favours young English talent ahead of overpaid foreign mercenaries and who never runs his mouth off or whinges to the press. His name is Sam Allardyce.

  • Indeed there is a second alternative who is as well qualified for the role as Allardyce is. Given that the present England coaching setup appears to be failing, a fresh face unconnected to the present regime is clearly needed. Step forward Steve McClaren!

  • Sven persists in picking players as inept as Peter Crouch, a man whose three England appearance have resulted in a mere three wins.

  • Sven's cavalier yet conservative attitude towards friendlies means that Australian fans who don't really understand that friendlies are meaningless can make fun of England fans. This simply won't do.

  • Lets just face it, he has a funny-shaped head.

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