All entries for April 2005

April 30, 2005

The grip of America

As I have certainly thought, and possibly mentioned, before, I am in thrall to the behemoth that is the United States.

Bearing in mind, by saying this I discount its politics, its people, and indeed 99% of its composite. In fact, the only aspect of it that I am indeed in thrall to is 0.1% of its culture: underground bands that are infinitely better than the dross that the natives of the British Isles present as "indie".

For instance: in one of my many tralls of the internet for listenable sounds, I have just encountered a band entitled "run away from the humans". I would go into detailed description of their sound(s?), but let us just say the following: a) they are not Franz Ferdinand b) they are not Kaiser Chiefs and c) they are not Kasabian. Point to me.

Well, this is covered ground. I have previously, in the distant distant past (a few months ago) deplored the fact that BRITISH BANDS FUCKING SUCK, and I was called "a nob" for my pains. Ah well.

All this reminds me: I must somehow learn the rudiments of instrument playing, throw off the shackles of Britishness, and usher in the new Valhalla (or at least make some plong plink noises that I can term as tolerable).

A brief interlude from all this musical malarkey, indeed a rare (for myself) prayer to God: please, please keep Carlisle down. Let them rot in non-league purgatory for at least a season more.

Returning to my point: I will now download a randon song by a random American band – using the wonder that is betterpropaganda.com (legal legal legal !!!). I guarantee that, had it been from Britain, it would have sucked a lot more than this, which is, incidentally, by The Speaking Canaries.

Perhaps I am unfair: in the U.S. the shit is weeded out at a Texas or Idaho level, so that I never hear the ultimate in dross that I would if I one day attended a local * spit * Coventry gig. I. Don't. Care.

I still harbour the dream of living in America, although I harbour a lot of stupid dream-type-things. I am acutely aware that it would, of course, suck, and in no way resemble the innacurate fantasies that my rather impressionable brain attempts to stamp to the inside of my conscience. Ah well. Olympia here I come.

I compiled a list of place I would like to live in America. I will name them if I can remember/can be bothered.

Ok, let us play band prediction. I can just, just just just TELL, that the band I am about to hear for the first time, are going to RULE. For Faaarks sake, they're called The Casket Lottery, they have to be great…goddamit, I was expecting to be able to say either "they rule!" or "they suck :-(", but they're actually just averagely good. Proving that you should never judge a band by their cover, although remember, any band called "Bikini Kill" have to be good (of course).

Che Arthur – he's in Atombombpocketknife, who I think I remember thinking were quite good, actually, I can't remember properly, whatever, this sounds really good.

Oh yeah, a massive wtf for this, that I got a couple of days ago – The Streets & Electrelane – either that's a serious fucking meeting of minds or just a remix. Or renamed badly by useless P2P failures. Sadly, this isn't option 1. God fucking dammit.

Whenever I get into a certain frame of mind, I feel the urge to play Final Fantasy VII. What an absolutely sad, lame urge to have (but at the same time, it's ffffffffb (fucking brilliant)). Because FFVII RULED.

Yes, so I've come to the conclusion, I don't believe that Electrelane have anything to do with this WHATSOEVER.

Oh wait: Pinhead Gunpowder. They have the decency to start their song with the * spit * "classic" "1 2 3 4" and they sound just like mere punk, but hey respect, it's pretty good.

Desperately searching my hard drive for Electrelane's "I want to be the President", but I fear it isn't there.


April 28, 2005

Indie wet dreams, number 1: Mates of State

A husband-wife organ-drums duo, so just like Quasi minus a divorce. However, the fact that they both sing, whereas Quasi's Janet Weiss tends to concentrate mainly on being a shit hot drummer, engages my suckerness for two at a time vocals, and thus elevates them above their better-known rivals. Rivals? Maybe not, but it sure would be cool to see the two bands fight.

The name is cute, the songs are cute, and the two of them both have just the right amount of not-quite-right about them to be cute in the extreme. Aww, they pretty. Like Quasi, only about 50% of the songs drag themselves up above inoffensiveness and into listenability, but when they do it's like, really good. And cute.

Songs to start off with – Ha Ha and The Kissaway, both from the 2003 album Team Boo. Go on, download them, God told me it's ok.


April 24, 2005

Craou

By ectoplasmic chasm, I return! Like every other person in the world who possesses a *spit blog (except that Iraqi guy), I have nothing of any global importance to say, yet still, here I am, proving that the internet is indeed the place where everything has reached its saturation point.

Yes, it's the same old routine – my entries roughly divide into a) depressed and b) drunk, and today (tonight? this morning?) is type b. As per normal, this will probably just end in rants about bands that few have heard of (certainly none attending *spit Univerity of Warwick.

As it happens, lately my faith in the existence of really GREAT bands has been somewhat renewed by hearing produce from said GREAT bands – these, such as Pony up! and Huon have already been mentioned in my hipster list (my attempt to be totally fucking cool, or something).

And let's face it, all these bands that i internally champion have one thing in common: they're all better than Oasis. I WILL HEAR NOTHING of the plantive pleas of "oh, but what's the story morning glory was a very good album" – no, Oasis suck, if there was any kind of universal justice they'd be rotting in disease-ridden hell along with Sam Allardyce and the cast of "we will rock you".

A quest that is probably only a few months old, but I will pretend is at least three years old, is solved: I have heard a track by Northern State – it pretty much rules. A female Beastie Boys? Well no, nothing really rivals the video for "Sabotage".

An interlude – the worlds that make my heart SING:

the Bees are going up

the Bees are going up

I know you don't believe us

I know you don't believe us

the Bees are going up

the Bees are going up

I know you don't believe us

I know you don't believe us

I know you don't beliiiiieeve us...

the Bees are going up!

and

we're on our way to Peterborough

plus (to be directed at Carlisle fans)

Vieira, o-ooooh

Vieira, o-ooooh

He comes from Senegal

He's going to win fuck all

but especially

we're on our way, we're on our way

to the football league, we're on our way

how we'll get there I dont know

how we'll get there I don't care

all I know is Barnet's on their way

repeat until you SOB

I don't mean to declare WAR on a million Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea fans, but the vast majority of you are disgusting frauds. Remember: one conference championship = a dozen Champion's Leagues.


Hipster count is up to (4)

The Pipettes – Simon says
Pony up! – Shut up and kiss me
Lesbians on ecstasy – Pleasure principle
I love you but I've chosen darkness – I want to die in the hot summer
Porcupine Tree – How is your life today?

April 20, 2005

I love football so much right now (a match report with considerable bias)

Barnet Vs Carlisle – with Barnet’s promotion and championship already secure, the only object of this game was to further extend our lead at the top, plus of course rile the Carlisle fans who were only too happy earlier in the season to point out how they would soon be top of the table after our inevitable plummet.

Carlisle took a deserved lead in the first half, and should have had a second, only for the referee to miss the ball crossing the Barnet goal line by about a foot and a half. Things definitely not good at this point.

Barnet launched an onslaught on the Carlisle goal in the second half, punctuated by occasional ohmygodshittheynearlyscored moments when Carlisle responded with attacks of their own. On 70 minutes a Barnet shot is clearly stopped on the line by a Carlisle defender – hello penalty, hello red card. Ten men.

Up steps Simon Clist. Much publicised at Barnet recently has been the fact that Clist is the only regular first team outfield player not to have scored this season. This has led to cries of “shoot” whenever he gets within 60 yards of the opposition goal.

Inevitably, Clist blazes the ball over the bar. Not to worry. Before the resulting goal kick can even be taken, a Carlisle player mouths off to the ref. A second booking for him. Nine men.

The next twenty minutes see Barnet throw everything forward, whilst Carlisle attempt to get as much distance on every clearance they make. Approaching injury time a shot sails inches wide of the post. Thirty seconds later a near-identical shot sails the other side. Carlisle seem destined to win. Bugger.

With the five minutes allotted injury time having expired, Barnet launch one final attack. Giuliano Grazioli, a man who exists to make other lower league strikers feel inadequate, gets the ball in the box. His overhead kick loops gloriously towards the top corner, meeting a defender’s head, the post, and finally the back of the net. 96th minute. Equaliser. Ahahaha.

Full time, and Carlisle fans break the record for buggering off quickly. Trophy presentation, fans on the pitch, much rejoicing, and, bizarrely, Anthony Charles stripped naked, his clothes flung into the crowd. All in all a most enjoyable excursion back to London, and I even grabbed a bit of the penalty spot that Clist took his ill-fated penalty from, as a souvenir.

According to one Carlisle fan who's discovered the joys of the internet, we are “cheating southern scumbags”. I hope they enjoy the Conference next season.


April 16, 2005

Picking random songs

Look, I am randomly skipping through the contents of this computer, for songs that I may play to affect my mood.

Low and behold, the first I picked was thus: Kenny Rogers & the First Edition – Just dropped in (to see what condition my condition I was in). A minute's silent bowling in memory of my copy of The Big Lebowski, alas now sadly taped over and consigned to history. I will buy the DVD soon, and expand my mighty DVD collection to the huge figure of precisely four.

Joy Division – Warsaw. Because they worked better as a vaguely dynamic loudness, rather than just letting Curtis be a miserable Tory shite. Not that I'm laying into their music as a whole, merely stating that this is stunningly good, as always, yet not the sound of depression in musical form.

Next: listened to a Guided By Voices track, it rules, but then that speaks for itself, RIP Bob, even though you're not dead.

Next is The Breeders, live, covering GBV's Shocker in Gloomtown. Man, the guitar and drums that start this are fucking brutal. It's a shame it's downhill from there, though still damn good. Kim Deal produced GBV's Under the Bushes Under the Stars, which in my view was their best ever album.

To bed, I think, but only when I've picked GBV's bones clean.


I have a superiority complex the size of fucking PANAMA

First of all, it saddens me that there hasn't been another entry on this site since 3:35 AM. Not only does it refute the stereotype of students as being persons of the nocturnal hours, it makes me feel like the late-rising personage bastard that I am. Plus my brain only really starts composing at this late hour.

Furthermore – I was just about stoked to lay into all and sundry for failing to properly receive the Arcade Fire, but a quick check revealed no less than 13 entries mentioning them (and only one of them mine). But yeah, they do rule, I will get their album at some point. "C'mon Alex, you can do it, c'mon Alex, there's nothing to it".

Oh wait, what's that that has just entered my listening field (my headphones). I believe it be Chicks on Speed's "fashion rules", as remixed by Alter Ego. CoS rule, remixes of them rule, look, just give it up for them.

MY EVENING: This evening I did pour boiling hot water on somebody's crotch, semi-accidentally, then laughed about it for as long as I could before losing interest. I then further dug my own grave by telling them that, if I got hold of their (lost) mobile phone, I would change all the numbers on it to 999 without telling them. Thus I revel in the fact that I am a complete bastard, and try desperately to love every second.


April 15, 2005

Hipster count is up to (3)

Huon – Hazy
Oxford collapse – Back in com again
Haiku d'etat – Mike, Aaron and Eddie
Afraid of stairs – Not today
Treepeople – Andy Warhol

April 13, 2005

23 questions > rational thought

Who Should You Vote For?

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Liberal Democrat


Your actual outcome:



Labour 10
Conservative -50
Liberal Democrat 58
UK Independence Party -24
Green 10


You should vote: Liberal DemocratThe LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

April 12, 2005

The spirit of the crusades

Having seen this blogging "community" rocked to its very foundations in recent days by scandalous offensiveness, I must make it plain that I approve wholeheartedly of any efforts to reduce the terrible spectre of offensiveness from this internet region.

Finding myself buoyed by this most wholesome of spirits, I feel it is my duty to aid the effort by making clear to all and sundry the things that leave me positively rupturing with indignation and shock. The sooner they're gone, the sooner something or other will happen.

  • Mock sexism – if you want to be offensive, replace the word "woman" or "girl" with a suitable alternative. I'd provide a list, but I fear I might offend.

  • Anything that could be taken as an endorsement for either the Conservative Party or any of its membership.

  • Anything that's trying to be "random" but just sounds forced and boring.

  • Anything that talks about what a great night out you had at x nightclub.

  • Anything mentioning the word "chav".

  • Anything with txt spk.

  • Anyone who posts a series of poems or chapters in a row in several different entries, therefore monopolising the recent entries list.

  • Anything that's happy when I'm not.

  • Anything that's trying to be funny that I don't find funny.

  • Anyone who disagrees with me ever.

  • Anyone I dislike.

  • Anyone.

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