All entries for November 2007
November 01, 2007
“Laudie yes! Sit yo’ sel’ down boy. I got tales that gonna make yo’ freak out!” I tried to tear myself away from staring into the psychedelic patterns her bloodshot eyes created, but the sweet soothing ghetto tone of her voice was hypnotic. “What yo’ starin’ at boy? Don’t make me have to come up and slap yo’ ass in this joint. I gots me some important details that gonna blow yo’ face off and turn yo’ mind inside outaways!”
Envisaging the state of my head after that sort of revelation made me think twice bout hearing this broad out, but I figured I’d heard things in my time that’d make Lucifer blush.
“Ma’am, I’m a dwarf detective that’s seen a lotta things. In my line of work we have to deal daily with the scum of Tairyfale City. There’s nothing you got, that can shock me. So, go ahead. Tell me what you got to say.”
“Oh my good graciousness me. You ain’t never heard information likes mine! I got words in my head that gonna tear of yo’ ears and slap your mama with ‘em.”
The hypnosis was beginning to fade. It was replaced with a mild mental indigestion. It was uncomfortable, but not so bad that it took away the yearning to see this dame in front of me naked. On the off chance that scenario was on the cards I restrained the urge to use my fairy amulet to vaporise her, and let her continue.
“Yeah I’m listening. Just one thing. What’s your name?”
“Teresa chil’. I’m Teresa.”
“OK Teresa, I’m Donald. Most folks call me Alf.”
“Alf? What kinda mixed up fool calls themselves Alf outta choice?”
“That’s another story; you still got one to tell me yet.”
“Why yes, ha-ha! So I do. Where shall I start? Hmmm … let me see. Oh yeah, I know, the beginning.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Well in that case sweetness, that’s just where I’ll starts mysel’. Once upon a time I licked a gnome. He looked tasty, said his name was Norman…”