January 20, 2005

Rob– Left Wing Warrior

Rob the Left Wing Warrior uses his thunderous left foot to slice through unbreakable defences and has a strong physical presence when on the ball. Hard working and a quick thinker, Rob has switched defence into attack on several occasions. Rob owns WHSmith and has billions of pounds to his name, and he has been known to use this fact to stun defences before his thunder foot strikes. He does pretend he isnt loaded though and resides in Rootes when away from his castle – mainly to see how the other half live! Your fooling nobody Rob!!!

Henrik – Striker

Henrik has a powerful right foot which can infiltrate defences weaknesses in one movement. Henrik has had Rugby commitments this term, and is occasionally too hungover to play, however his presence has been crucial so far in our title campaign. Henrik's height has made him an easy target for long balls over the top, and his strength has disabled many opponenets flowing movements. The Jari Litmanen of Group D, great things are expected this term especially, with a flurry of goals highly likely!!!

Chudsy Bear – Defence

Chud has had to cover several positions this season, varying from Keeper to Midfield. Although several times he has had commitments to Water pooolo, Chud has placed a great deal of effort into ensuring the team succeeds. His vocal presence, and also strength upon the ball have been vital factors enabling confidence and structure when the team has looked a bit edgy. Chud is another of the Bitches' versatile players, perhaps the greatest assetss available to us, as they allow flexability and no over reliance upon any one player or area. Chud may have a drinking problem however and we fear this may hinder his future performances!

Ste – Defender/Left Wing

Mr Williamson has adapted to be able to cover either a defensive or midfield role. Signed as a left back, Ste has worked hard to build up his gameplay to enable sharp runs initiating from a midfield role, and also his technical awareness when covering in defence. Overall Ste is a vital part of an ever rotating outfield, and his ability to freely tackle any role given to him allows for greater squad depth and also higher confidence on the overall squad's ability!!! Well done Ste – in life….


Current league position = 5

Jack Flash – Couldn't face losing to us so forfeited
Scorers – Everyone (probably)
MoM – Satty – sound guy

The Goonies – 4–1
Scorers – Satty (3), Ryuhei
MoM – Satty – nice balls

Coc-su 1–7
Scorer – Pete
MoM – Matt – Good running

Jack Flash – 0–2
MoM – Rob – Nice hair

Really Big Ducks (Cup) – 7–2
Scorers – Pete (5), Satty, Matt (not a printing error!!!)
MoM – Ste – Covering of entire pitch and excellent work rate!

Pete – Awesome finishing and attacking prowess!

Northern Fairies Southern Monkeys – 2–4
Scorers – Pete (2)
MoM – Dan – excellent saves

Jack Flash – 3–2
Scorers – Satty, Pete, (own goal)
MoM – Ross – excellent covering of a 2 prong attack

Armidiilos – 5–2
Scorers – Pete (4), Ross (1)
MoM – Pete – Excellent finishing, 8 in one week!!

Jesus Saves (Cup) – 5–2
Scorers – Pete (4), Rob (1)
MoM – Ryuhei – Tireless work rate!

Dr Butter's Dapper Gents – walkover

Back of the Fridge –
Scorers – Pete

Actington Stanley – 1–1
Scorers – Satty
MoM – Danny -Last Min Save

Dan Roger's Boys – Walkover

Booze it Like Best – 6–5
Scorers – Pete, Ryuhei, Matt, Ste, Rob, Henrik
MoM – Ryuhei – Spectacular shot from distance!

Inter Yamam – Walkover

Dan Rogers Boys – 2–1 (friendly)
Scorers – Pete, Satty
MoM – Ross – Ace

Top Scorers

  1. Pete (25 Goals)
  2. Satty (9)
  3. Ryuhei (6)
  4. Ross (3)
  5. Rob (3)
  6. Henrik (2)
  7. Matt (2)
  8. Ste (1)
  9. Chud (-6)

Ryuhei – Speedy Midfielder

Ryuhei has lightning quick pace and tight ball control which enables him great freedom across the whole of the pitch. He is determined and strong in tackles, and even as the match wears on, he surprises everybody with his apparent tirelessness. Ryuhei has been sorely missed in several games this season due to a heavy study schedule. A versatile player who inspires others with his work rate provides a very valuable asset for John's Bitches who gel much better with than without the pacey mathemagician!

Ross (Russel) – Defensive Rock

Ross commands the defensive line (he is the defensive line), and as of yet has failed to put in a bad performance. His vision and technical ability are sound, and there is an attacking element to his game which he uses to great effect upon counter attacks. Even against the toughest opposition, where in several cases there have been 2 attackers for Ross to defend against emphasising Ross's capability and ability to cope under pressure!! This explains why he has been man of the match on numerous occasions already this season!!

Satty man – AM/Striker

Satty commands authority up front, with a wicked shot which strikes fear in to many opponents! His low centre of gravity assists Satty greatly through firmer balance and tight ball control, and his vision and creativity suggest undertones of the great Paul Scholes. Satty has a fiery determination, which drives him towards victory; we can only hope this drive remains under control, though opposition should beware!!!!!

Danny – Keeper

Danny has been struck with several injuries this season yet has fought through and as of yet hasnt missed a single game. The pressure mounts as the team climbs to the higher rungs of the ladder, yet currently he seems capable of dealing with whatever is thrown upon him! He has recently been described as the 5 a side version of Gordon Banks, and if I'm honest, I must agree!!!

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