January 13, 2008

Malediction

Wishful Thinking

Having grown numb,

I searched my footprints for the dry stains

of tears and blood and licked them.

I searched myself for every place that hurt

and pounded on them with a hammer.

I searched for old bits of scab and scar tissue

Buried in my skin with a scalpel.

I searched within my eyes for blind spots

And scrubbed them clean with sand paper.

I searched my memory for dreams

And compared them to reality.

I searched for my heart in the guts of the earth

And yelled its secrets at strangers.

I searched for myself in the people I love

Until I was certain of my absence.

Who was the secret author of my pain?

Let him be omnipotent,

So I can blame him for every second of it.

Let him be omnipresent,

So he is here when I do so.

Let him be omniscient,

So he can understand it.

Let him be eternal,

So that it hurts him always.

I will drag God into existence!

And he will transcend time,

So that a curse uttered today,

Can eat him from the very beginning.

And he will be pure thought,

So that his suffering

Has no body to escape from.

And I will lend him a face

So I can see it contort in pain

As mine does.


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