All entries for Wednesday 15 June 2011
June 15, 2011
yesterday, i told you i did love someone, and that is not my bf, you said i should tell him i love him, even if he had a gf, everyone deserves to be happy. but did you notice that all discription i made about him sound familiar? you are the one i love. i told i didnt know why i got drunk easily yesterday, while, i did know, i was hoping maybe i can finally tell you about my feeling, however, i still cant tell you, i am so afraid to lose you, even just as a friend.
i still remember the first time we met outside Alex's office, we were waiting for the talk after we failed the first exam. we talked at most 5 mins that time, nothing special. i even cant remember when did i start to like you, pay attention to everything related with you.
at first, i thought maybe it is not love, maybe just because i was dumpted for no reason after being with someone for 4 years, or maybe because this is my first time to go abroad and see someone different, or even just since i was too lonely to be away from home and stay in a totally strange environment. so i came up with some stupid ideas, i travelled around in weekend, to meet strangers, however, i still feel lonely, i can see your face from theirs. that is the time i realised you mean a lot to me. then i made a terrible decision, i got a bf to transfer my attention, it did work for several days, after that, i just missed you more and more.
have you ever wondered why i alway text you in the night to ask you if you would attend the lecture in the following day? if you say yes, then i will spend hours to think what to wear and get up very early to do make up, to prepare to see you, even just for a second. if you say no, then i may just show up like i was going to market.
from the time i was a little girl, i never hesitate to say what i really want to say, and this time, this is the first time i have a crash on someone and kept it to myself. you are perfect, you are handsome, funny, friendly, warmhearted, your gf is so beautiful, everything. and i am nobody, i can never be good enough for you. you treat me as a friend, or good friend maybe, but i love you.