June 16, 2011

missing you

Love is really excruciating. My life is all about you, and you even never know. I spent last week waiting to hear from you, then apent Mon to wait to see when you will arrive and tried to find an excuse to see you soon, spend whole Wed to think what should I do in front of you. I lied when you asked me how was the weekend, I didn't go anywhere, cuz if I go away, I can't be back on Mon. I'm just stupid, you only texted me once today, and I'm angry with myself that I couldn't find a good excuse to text you first. I love you, it's all right you can't love back.

June 15, 2011


yesterday, i told you i did love someone, and that is not my bf, you said i should tell him i love him, even if he had a gf, everyone deserves to be happy. but did you notice that all discription i made about him sound familiar? you are the one i love. i told i didnt know why i got drunk easily yesterday, while, i did know, i was hoping maybe i can finally tell you about my feeling, however, i still cant tell you, i am so afraid to lose you, even just as a friend.

i still remember the first time we met outside Alex's office, we were waiting for the talk after we failed the first exam. we talked at most 5 mins that time, nothing special. i even cant remember when did i start to like you, pay attention to everything related with you.

at first, i thought maybe it is not love, maybe just because i was dumpted for no reason after being with someone for 4 years, or maybe because this is my first time to go abroad and see someone different, or even just since i was too lonely to be away from home and stay in a totally strange environment. so i came up with some stupid ideas, i travelled around in weekend, to meet strangers, however, i still feel lonely, i can see your face from theirs. that is the time i realised you mean a lot to me. then i made a terrible decision, i got a bf to transfer my attention, it did work for several days, after that, i just missed you more and more.

have you ever wondered why i alway text you in the night to ask you if you would attend the lecture in the following day? if you say yes, then i will spend hours to think what to wear and get up very early to do make up, to prepare to see you, even just for a second. if you say no, then i may just show up like i was going to market.

from the time i was a little girl, i never hesitate to say what i really want to say, and this time, this is the first time i have a crash on someone and kept it to myself. you are perfect, you are handsome, funny, friendly, warmhearted, your gf is so beautiful, everything. and i am nobody, i can never be good enough for you. you treat me as a friend, or good friend maybe, but i love you.

March 2023

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