February 25, 2005


You blessed me with your presence
you blessed me with your smile
And even if it doesnt last forever
At least it will last a while.

I feel blessed when you touch me
Blessed when we chat
And even if you just lust me
At least ive had that.

The world is now a blessed place
My life a blessed thing
And no matter what expression is on my face
At least my heart knows how to sing.

Because you blessed me with your friendship
In a world so full of pain
Im forever in your debt
As I know how to love again.


January 09, 2005


I regret not telling you when I know you should have known.
I regret not ringing you just a simple call on the phone.
I regret not thanking you for the times you fought my fights.
And I regret not showing the regret I have, that I should have shown that night.

I wish I was so strong that my tears would not fall as they do
I wish I could tell you how much I feel and how I do respect you.
I wish I wasnt the one who couldnt speak their mind
And I wish you understood that I dont mean to be unkind.

I want to say that I love you and everything you do for me
I want to say that I know what you go through and I do see.
I want you to know you are my bestest friend
And that ill love you forever right to the end

But I cant say im sorry or that I know im wrong
As ill cry and I hate to cry it makes me feel so unstrong
So until the day I can tell you this I will just have to write it down
That im sorry so sorryabout all ive done to you
And for the fact im so weak and not so strong


Out of control
as if its not my decision
whether to be happy or sad
to get angry or upset

I feel like im on the edge of a enormous cliff,
the waves crashing below me on to the rocks
and its not up to me whether
I jump. or maybe its just
I jump without thinking.

Anyone else ever felt this?

My withered rose

It was more than a kiss before we had kissed,
His voice an answer to my unspoken prayer,
A flower unexpectedly blooming in winter,
A whispering longing for something I did not know was there.

He was my direction though I thought I was not lost,
His beautiful face, my guiding light above,
A flower, my gift from heaven lasting forever,
It is an emotion too often described as endless love.

When in his arms I melt into nothing,
But his touch soothing my worries away does not last,
The flower already dying,
My endless love disappearing fast.

My tears run for what seems forever,
A word depicting my lie a worthless lie.
My flower, a blood red rose
Is withering in a last goodbye.

November 22, 2004

no title

You are the light that shines down on my face every morning through my windowpane and makes me smile.
You are the gentle bandage that heals my aching wound which is making me cry.
You are the splashing water that surrounds me and washes my sins away leaving me pure and clean.
You're my teacher that always helps me to learn when I feel like giving up.
You're my thoughts, so soft and gentle, your my thoughts so harsh and rash.
You are my soul that keeps me going, that light which surrounds me cool and calm.
You are my heart that resounds within me that without I could not survive. my emotions that make me who I am.
You are my mind that ticks and ticks.You are my personality, my rationality, my devotion and words.
You are my map, my guide, my direction which without I am lost.
You are my home that you have created, my family, my love.
You are my safety that I cling to when I am scared and in need of care.
You are my peace when I need silence when I want is love.
You are my war with others when I am angry. You are their through thick and thin.
You are my happiness, my smile, my laughter. It is all part of you.
You are my wings that make me fly and the hand that catches me when I fall.
You are my love that makes me explode wirh joy. My ecstasy that I cant control.
You are my future. You are what I want to see.
You are my bestfriend that understands me that holds me up when im too weak to stand.
You are my warmth when I am cold and lonely, you are that coat that keeps me warm.


You are my mountains that I must climb over to reach my goals and where I want to be.
You are my pain that stings and stabs my body and mind.
You are my tears that caress my cheeks when I am despairing.
You are my anger, my hatred, my spite and jealousy.
You are my danger that risk that keeps me on my toes.
You are my confusion when I am alone, lost and hurt.
You are my cold,that bites and freezes me still.
You are my downer of a hundred pills. My suicide.

You are the one I love but you of all people cause me the most painful pain

world war 1, Ypres Belgium

The pain around them echoed
The screams of agony resounded in their ears.
The cold shivering breeze carried the groans
The quiet helpless suffering of their friends.

They say "Friends are good in times of battle"
But to watch one writh with tears in their eyes
Knowing you must only watch
With silent anguish and pretend you did not see
Must be a torture far worse than any other know to man.

The terror portrayed in their memories will last.
As will the underlying feeling
That they suffered unnecessarily
The sacrifices they made
The untolerable conditions they tolerated
The uncontrollable fear, they controlled.
And the unimaginable courage they all had in their hearts
Will always be remembered.

when you smile

when you smile
the sun does shine
the world does laugh
you make a heaven in your eyes
to look away
is a great sacrifice
as in your eyes hold
the ultimate paradise.

To see rain from the heavens
is a lesser sin
than to see tears in your soul
when youve pain within
you make midwinter spring
you heal a dying wound
you make my problems dissappear
like a broken instrument tuned

just hearing your voice
and seeing your face
puts love in my heart
and a smile on my face



Crying solves nothing right
but by God I believe it helps
It clears your head
and leaves you calm
you dont stress and think instead

But crying makes you weak
when you want to be strong
and those around you cant help
feels like you cant carry on.

You can cry with joy
or cry in pain
cry in confusion
cry in vain
cry with exhaustion
for the things you've done
some cry for attention
some for fun.

If you dont cry
you lose something inside
you don't show your feelings
you've lied.
but if you do cry
you lose something as well
and thats your pride.

A few questions??

Why are some born givers and some take, take, take?

Why are you you and not me?

Who decides when its your time to go?

Why do we try to prevent it?

Should man really mess with what is meant to be?

Or is it meant to be that we mess?

When should we stop pushing?

Is the bottle half empty or half full?

Why ask questions that cant be answered?


Who decided that we should not be together now?

Is this going to make us stronger or tear us apart?

Will you ever know how much I love you?

final questions by Alex Spencer

why do I have to have a title

If the world was just one person from their birth to their death.
Then all their memories would be people good or bad.
All their dreams amd hopes would be each minute, day,year.
All their smiles would be sunny days and all their tears would be rainy ones, which means all their frowns would be problems, stress and storms.
For all theirs aims shattered a generation dies but for each one gained a new one is born.
When they are in love there is perfect peace but when they are heart broken there is constant war to deal with.


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