I haven’t blogged for ages and there’s so much to tell. Here it goes.
May 27, 2007
I think I need to have a rant.
I had my Disney interview today for the 6-month Grad program I'm applying for starting in October. It was absolutely fine, but by the end of the day I just felt soooooo drained and tired and really really cranky and I couldn't really figure out why.
Admittedly yes, I was dragging a very heavy wheelie bag with my revision gear in (that I didn't look at all day) all the way around London, and everyone on the Tube is just so fucking rude, and I was wearing 3-in stilettos all day, but I felt more mentally drained than anything. It was like my head had become 5 times too heavy for my neck to support it.
I decided that my poor overthinking brain had gone into overdrive. I have the 2 hardest exams of my life in 3 days' time, and even though I've already had 2 exams and that normally settles me in and I'm calm as a cucumber, my previous GCSE/A-Level habit of panicking and becoming increasingly neurotic has made an unwelcome reappearance.
It's not even like I'm just worrying about the exams. As someone rightly pointed out on my previous entry, they are just exams, and unless I do something seriously stupid I should get a 2:1 no problem. No, my exam stress has opened a path for me to obsess about everything else as well. I have boy problems that are so extremely complicated they do my nut in, I am panicking about my career (which, if I get Disney, is not something I even need to worry about for 6 months), I'm worrying about money (and then doing nothing about it), I'm worrying about graduating at the same time as I'm looking forward to it...
Etc, etc. I am well aware that all of this is utterly pointless neuroses but that doesn't seem to stop me fretting. And it's bloody difficult to concentrate on the 2 killer exams, even when you have the Fear, when there's so much fucking else going on in your head.
May 22, 2007
My finals = the most important exams OF MY ENTIRE LIFE start tomorrow.
It’s only just hit me.
My Interrail pass is purchased and has arrived at home in a nice spangy special delivery envelope. I am sooooooo fucking excited. As you may guess, this means I am NOT going to Spain for that job. My gut feeling - that it was suss as hell - has been half-proved by the fact that they have not emailed me back. And my gut feeling was telling me that I wanted to go to Europe anyway. I don't know why it took me so long to make a decision - I'm always telling people they should follow their gut instinct, so I don't know why I didn't just say 'sod it' in the first place.
Also, my first exam is tomorrow. That slight panicky feeling that makes my heart beat a little bit faster is coming and going, but mostly I'm just psyched. The sooner they start, they sooner they'll be over. And anyway, exams mean I'm one day closer to my Disney interview on Saturday.
May 18, 2007
God it’s boring. Seriously, I understand the necessity and everything but I’ve been revising for 5 weeks now and I’m soooooo sick of it.
Still, this time in 15 days I’ll already be drunk and about to board a train to Darlington for Lauren’s birthday party. Can’t wait…
May 16, 2007
I went to the gym yesterday and decided to do some boxing, so I went into the studio bit to use the punchbag and gloves and stuff.
There was a dude already in there boxing and, from outside, he looked pretty good. Then I went into the studio (which is soundproofed) and it turned out - he was boxing to the extended version of the Rocky theme tune!! What an idiot.
May 13, 2007
I always cite one of my pet hates as people who can't make a decision. I mean, everyone has big choices to make and being unsure about them is completely understandable, but it's when you ask someone what they want for dinner and they go 'I don't mind'. Want to watch something on TV? 'I don't mind.' Then they look pissed as hell when you choose something for them and they don't like it. Well, you should have expressed a preference in the first place. My first boyfriend was like that and it drove me to fucking distraction.
So generally, I am pretty decisive because it gets shit done when noone else will make the call.
However, when it comes to my career I am notoriously incapable of deciding on anything. And here I am with yet another decision to make.
Wednesday night, 5 of us booked our flight to Warsaw, Poland, to go backpacking round Eastern Europe for a month and generally fuck around like the shameless little troublemakers we are. It is very, VERY, exciting. BUT...I applied for a marketing/PR internship for a language school in Bilbao, Spain for the summer. And last night they offered me the job.
This isn't quite as straightforward as it seems. Because this job offer is the first thing I've heard from them since I sent my CV. Didn't invite me to interview, didn't call me. Nada. Just offered me the job, and said could I come a bit earlier (answer: no). Also, and this might be quite telling, they didn't give me any details for the job: what I'd be paid, where I'd live, etc. As if I'd just go, 'oh, OK!!' and rock up in Bilbao on July 2nd knowing fuck all about it.
So I'm gonna email for more information, but I think it's fishy. Thing is, there are two different trains of thought here - there's what I should do and what I want to do. I want to do both, actually - go to Spain AND go to Eastern Europe - but I probably (everything being legit) should go to Spain for the following reasons:
- I'd be earning money, not spending it.
- I'd get to learn Spanish which I've wanted to do for 3 years.
- Live in yet another foreign country - always good on the old CV and bloody exciting as well.
- Spanish men (shameless I know, and they're all proper pervs from my experience, but you need to have something to look at when you're working don't you?)
But I want to go to Eastern Europe for the following reasons:
- I'd finally be going travelling and not just talking about it/saving for it.
- I'd get to piss around on the continent with my best mate, and 4 of my other mates as well.
- I'd get to see all this AMAZING stuff and do stuff I've never done before.
- Probably look good on my CV as well, provided I leave out any drunken escapades.
- I'm getting on a bit, and the cost is gonna skyrocket once I get to 26.
May 12, 2007
I am a shameless Eurovision fan. Or rather, I should say I am a shameless Wogan fan. So I am looking forward to rewarding a hard day's worth of revision with a night in front of the world's campest TV show with pizza and friends.
But seriously. I know it's meant to be camp, but Scooch? You must be joking.
I can feel another nil points brewing...and I will laugh my ass off if it happens.
May 10, 2007
I would just like to draw everyone’s attention to No. 4 on my list of things to do when I wrote my list of Things I want to do when I get back to Warwick, written in March 2006…
“4. Make RAG Week the best ever, and make sure it wins Best Non-Social Event at the 2007 Socs Awards.”
I am a genius.
It's been a year, time to start blogging again. Here's a brief update:
- Disney. was. AWESOME.
- I have applied to go back, interview is May 26th.
- I am now single, getting myself into all sorts of trouble, and it's fucking brilliant.
- I am 13 days away from my finals and starting to get a little afraid.
- I am going travelling around Eastern Europe on August 1.
- RAG Week was the bomb, I ended up being RAG President as well, and we raised £61,500 in one year. That makes us amazing.