All entries for April 2006

April 28, 2006

Jess presents…The Berets

I finished at my school today (capped off, despite my utterly disgusting cold, by a leaving party with my favourite class:)

The Girls of 1PA

and I suddenly realised I only have a week left in Paris. This is quite scary, 8 months have passed very very fast indeed. I got to thinking about how best to sum up the experience I have had and I decided, completely logically, to have my own awards ceremony for myself. THE BERETS!!

Funniest education moment of the Paris/Courbevoie experience: Today, on my last day of school, when I asked a group of student if they knew the name of the British national anthem and someone replied: 'I Will Survive'. I picked myself up off the floor 10 minutes later.

Funniest non-education moment of the Paris/Courbevoie experience: Joint winners of turning up to the assistantship training day in Neuilly in the clothes I'd been out in (sober, worryingly!) the night before and giggling at all the over–serious Americans with a very cute, very unserious American guy; waking up one Thursday morning with a French lesbian's phone number and having no idea how I got it.

Best gastronomic moment: A three–course meal at Le Ciné in Place de Clichy which cost €13 (about a tenner) and was utter melt in the mouth. (an ashamed part of me is also calling out for Pizza Hut France's mozzarella breadsticks to be recognised…)

Best drunken moment: A tie! Between falling 7foot off the stage in Loco on a Wednesday night's entertainment with Chris M; being asked 'how much I charge' whilst waiting at a Champs Elysees bus stop by a man driving past; and of course, my first week utter wastedness of getting lost on the Metro, missing the last train home and throwing up in a Metro station bin.

Most romantic moment: Surprising young Mathew by taking him to see the Eiffel Tower sparkle as his first sight on his first trip to Paris. Aaaaah.

My finest hour in my French-speaking career: Joint winners of: giving an interview in French for a Ministry of Education DVD; and calling the emergency services for myself when I accidentally ate peanut oil round a friend's house!

Best almost-being-French moment: One of Lucy's French friends being surprised when I was English and not French.

Worst English-tourist-extraordinaire moment: Trying to tell a guy I met in a bar it was better to be reckless than a coward and accidentally going a bit too far and calling him a pussy…

Most useful French phrase learnt whilst in Paris: 'putain' (meaning anything from 'bugger' to 'motherfucker' depending on context and just how angry you are) and various sounds such as 'eh, bah, pffft' which automatically make you sound like a native when added to sentences.

Best Bar: Lotus. Still. Plus the sheesha cafe I went to on my birthday.

Best Club: Gotta be Queen. Largely cos the others, while fun, were no different to any student club in the UK.

Best Café: Senseveria and Le Fumoir.

Best Night Out: A tie between getting drunk on free champagne at a staff do ("MORE champagne Jessica?" "It's OK she's English!"), getting battered with Chris M (little recollection of what we actually did) and going to La Loco with Mat, Andy and Nic.

Biggest epiphany style realisation about self: I might not like living alone but my own company is perfectly adequate, ta very much.

Worst moment of stay: Realising that all the other assistants had become bezzie mates and I was waaaaaay out of the loop.

The BERET OF TRUTH Award for Best Moment of the Year: Today when my students sang that song for me and gave me a signed picture of them saying how much they'll miss me. So I didn't make any friends for life, but enfin I DID make an impact.

OK so maybe PDP isn't strictly recounting exactly how drunk you've gotten through the course of the year…but looking back on it…I've bloody learnt a lot about myself actually. And I don't think I'd change any of it.

End of introspection. I'm going to bed, I feel like shit.

April 27, 2006

Camp as a row of pink tents inhabited by Graham Norton

Follow-up to Things I want to do before I leave Paris from How To Deal With The Unexpected (Tales from Jones Land)

Well 2 of my List of Things I Want To Do Before I Leave Paris can be ticked off the list.

I raved it up in Queen and it was great. It was so camp that the women had more testosterone then the men but there were male strippers. I'm sold.

And on my departure from Queen, I actually managed to get on the Noctilien bus that goes to where I live. Well, vaguely – I still have to walk for 20 minutes afterwards but that's not the point. I figured out how to use it! Admittedly in waiting for aforementioned bus by myself at a bus stop on the Champs Elysees I did get asked "how much I charged" by some twat driving by in a Mini.

Last time I checked though, hookers did not wear flipflops.

Also checked off the list is the one about the Louvre. Well caring about the building sort of counts, doesn't it?

April 19, 2006

The March Towards Mickey…

Well well well, say hello to Mickey's latest bitch. I got the Disney job and I'm going to FLORIDA!!!

I found out at 10pm on a Thursday evening and nearly screamed the flat down – I certainly woke up the kids I'd fought so hard to get into bed, but who gives a fuck. Yes – I'm going to be working every hour God sends. Yes – I'm going to be paid a pittance. But…the prospect of going to live in the United States for 3 months, in the Florida sunshine, with people from all over the world, working for a massive (corporate Satan?) company…it gives me such a thrill.

I might be whoring myself out to a corporate giant but you know what? I don't give a fuck, I'm going to Florida.

I warn you now this is my standard answer in any argument which I am losing!

My mum is thrilled as it has sealed my position as her finest excuse for a holiday. The Boy…well, let's just say thrilled isn't the word I'd use. This one's gonna be a tough one to muddle through.


April 2006

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