All entries for March 2006

March 27, 2006

Childish Humour Alert!!

If this doesn't make you giggle then you are far too grown up. Anyone who has read Stephen Clarke's Merde Actually will appreciate it even more.

Le Bollock

Yvan Le Bolloc'h, I salute you.

March 25, 2006

I'm going slightly mad…

Still no word from Disney. My nails are disappearing.

On the upside though I found an AMAZING accessories shop in Les Halles today which is reckon will kit me out with everything I'll ever need for Street Vibe. Safe.

March 22, 2006

A Polite Request to Michael Fish

Can you arrange for the weather in Paris to look more like this:

And less like this:

I just bought some bonkers oversized sunglasses and a pair of bargainous flip-flops that cost £3 and it's really annoying me that I can't wear either.

French expression of the day: 'Ca me fait chier' (translation: that pisses me off, but the literal expression is far better: that makes me shit)

March 20, 2006

Derailed gets derailed (bit of a spoiler)

Movie image
2 out of 5 stars

I'll keep this brief as there's only a few things I need to say…

  1. This started soooooooooooooooooooo promisingly but the outrageously far-fetched story line ruined it. I was almost wetting myself laughing by the end.
  2. Exactly how bad is Vincent Cassel's American accent? I nearly choked on my popcorn when he opened his mouth. What worries me is that he was playing a Franco-American anyway (rather than being a Frenchman trying to play a straight American) which means he might not have been putting it on…
  3. They said fuck. A lot. Which really was just funny rather than threatening.
  4. Gotta hand it to them though – Aniston's rape scene, despite showing hardly anything, was extremely powerful. I felt genuinely nauseous.
  5. Brilliant twist, but sadly that's where it all goes totally mental.
  6. On a completely non-intellectual note, Clive Owen can have an affair with me any day of the week.

Oh and also, totally off the point – even though the film was essentially rubbish it was worth the ticket price just for the sight of a dog with dreadlocks (yes, really) that I saw as I left the cinema.

March 18, 2006

Mickey Mouse and my adventures in the Tube System of Doom

So my 48 hours in the London area triggered off the Parisian that seems to have been growing inside me without my knowledge. It started the ULTIMATE BATTLE:




It is that most highly anticipated of fights – Transport for London against RATP, the Tube against the météor – the London Underground versus the Paris Metropolitain.

What started this train of thought? Well, I couldn't really put my finger on it. Was it when I tried to use the ticket Mum bought me the night before to save time and I couldn't cos it wasn't the 16th any more?

Was it when I paid 3 sodding quid for a single ticket?

Maybe when I had to wait 15 minutes for a train to arrive in rush hour?

Or was it when I hopped on the Tube to go to Disney HQ in Hammersmith only for a polite female voice to announce that "this is the Circle line". Circle? What happened to the District Line?! Why the bloody hell do trains from 2 different lines arrive on the same platform!!!

Like I said, the Parisian inside me has burst forth to do what Parisians do best – moan about pretty much anything. But don't get me wrong. I was born in London. Over a decade in Yorkshire has made me slightly wary of its aura of pollution and £10 coffees but time in Paris has brought back some of my affection for the place. Also, as a French student, it is my duty to love them. But come on guys, the Tube is a joke compared to the Metro which is: Faster. More frequent. More reliable. More extensive. More flexible (tickets are valid until they're used, not on one day). And did I mention it's 3 times cheaper?

OK, that's more than enough French praise for one entry. Did I mention a bar tried to charge me over £10 for a vodka & coke last weekend?

Anyways…back to my encounter with His Disneyness, Sir Mickey of Mouse. The day was great fun. The 90-minute presentation at the start had all the marketing gloss that you would expect from the marketing monolith that is Disney but by God it did the job. Everyone, including me, was foaming at the mouth by the end. I've never been so excited at the prospect of working 40 hours a week in my life. Interview was OK (and almost French-free…) Now follows a 2-week wait before I find out if I have beaten the 10–1 odds and get to go to Florida for 3 months. Keep your fingers crossed – this is my one chance in a lifetime to get a tan, I need 3 months of sunshine exposure to get beyond the lily-white stage.

March 16, 2006

D–Day is upon me

That's Disney Day, not the day I end the war, you silly things.

So tomorrow morning I will be dressed smart for the first time in about 6 months attempting to convince Mickey's friends why they really should pay me to spend 3 months in Florida getting a tan.

I'm desperately hoping that when I walk into the Interview Room of Death all the interviewers are wearing Mickey ears.

March 13, 2006

APFB (All Points Fashion Bulletin)


One pair of the coolest ear muffs in history.

Last sighting: On the Line 12 metro platform at St. Lazare, on the ears of a tiny and incredibly fashionable franco-asian lady. Wearing the same coat as this reporter.

Description: Ear-muff shaped. Black (presumably fake) fur that looked like it had been combed considerably more than the wearer's own hair. Appearance of being able to keep you warm and yet tres tendance in the middle of a snowstorm in the Antarctic (where fashion really counts).

Reward: I will have warm ears and be cool. That should be reward enough.

(Disclaimer: Above picture is a likeness only, actual earmuffs may not resemble those displayed)

March 12, 2006

Things I want to do when I get back to Warwick

  1. Indulge all the delights of campus that I didn't do in 1st year. I.e., get completely smashed safe in the knowledge I don't have to drive back to Leam.
  2. Learn Spanish. Properly this time.
  3. Join Breakdancing Society, Classical & Modern, and climbing. Actually attend sessions with the aforementioned.
  4. Make RAG Week the best ever, and make sure it wins Best Non-Social Event at the 2007 Socs Awards.
  5. Annoy Nic constantly in her new office in the Union.
  6. Go to every lecture. (excluding RAG Week)
  7. Avoid a repeat of Jess's Alcoholic Fortnight 2005.
  8. Avoid a repeat of Mirage Madness™ that led to aforementioned Jess's Alcoholic Fortnight 2005.
  9. Rejoin the gym safe in the knowledge I'll be paying about 10% of what I paid in Paris.
  10. Rejoin Street Vibe and fix my year-long dancing drought.
  11. Podium dance at Meta 12.
  12. Go to Godskitchen. More than once.
  13. Make the most of my last year as a student. In Paris I've seen what stuff costs when you're not and it isn't pretty!

Things I want to do before I leave Paris

  1. Eat a maxi pain au chocolat
  2. Ride a metro line from end to end
  3. Drink absinthe in the Absinthe Cafe
  4. Go for a cocktail in the Hemingway Bar in the Ritz
  5. Learn how to say 'fuck off' in French and sound like a native
  6. Learn to like espresso
  7. Rave it up in Queen, the enormous gay club on the Champs Elysees
  8. Go to the Louvre and actually give a toss about its contents
  9. Go to the Moulin Rouge (unlikely given enormous expense & lack of bloke, or indeed friends!, to go with)
  10. Get back that €150 that the State owes me
  11. Figure out how to use Noctilien (night buses)
  12. Actually go to the cinema to see a FRENCH film!
  13. Beat Damo at Buzz on the PS2
  14. Order French Pizza Hut just for myself

March 03, 2006

Coucou les jaloux

Coucou is now my favourite French word. Its just so cuddly!

As I type this I'm seriously thinking, is there a point? It has been sooooooooooooooooooooooo long since I actually wrote anything it's not like anyone reads it any more.

However, Mr. Mills' sweet comment of last night/this morning has spurred me onwards. So, worry not, I am not going to bore you with 5 months of French goings-on. Only the interesting ones!

My quest to get a social security number is ongoing, painful, and fruitless. I've given them about 5 copies of every official document I've ever owned (including my Warwick card, the most useless piece of ID created unless you want to go to Top B, the library, or get 10% off a McDonalds) and this still doesn't seem to be good enough. Unfortunately, this has become a fairly major issue. It is as if my body realised I was in a country where you have to pay upfront for your healthcare, screamed "YIPPEEE!!!" and instantly fell apart. To date, since September, I have had:

1 chest infection
1 asthma attack
1 case of the flu (from hereon known as Death Flu[TM])
1 anaphylactic reaction caused by peanut salt in a packet of tomato-flavoured crisps
1 trip to hospital in an ambulance
1 trip to the doctors
2 prescriptions
2.5 weeks off work sick (which, on a 7 month contract, is mighty impressive!)

All of which has cost me around €150 (£110), almost all of which is supposed to be reimbursed by the state, and hasn't been. I WANT MY MONEY YOU BASTARDS.

Other than that, things are all good in the hood. My mates here have turned out to be fairly useless, but to be honest who wants to pay £20 to get into a club which is effectively Top B with MUCH more expensive drinks anyway?

Most of my big news is Warwick and/or UK-bound anyway. Firstly…..


Don't ask me how – I wasn't even at the AGM. Me and Skidmore's amazing hard work to set up an audio conference via Skype sadly failed at the last minute, but I think I have Nic to thank for saving the day. TBH I think the RAGgers were probably voting for me as an extension of Nic rather than for me, per se, but I can live with that ;o) RAG Week 2006 is going to kick ASS, and if it doesn't win Best Non-Social Event at next year's Socs Awards I shall be very upset. I do intend to avoid running into a wall this time.

In other news, I have a job interview to go and work in Florida for the summer. And guess who my boss is going to be?


That's right, 3 months at Disney World could be mine. Spending my days off communing with the whales at Sea World, I'd imagine :o) The interview is in London, 2 weeks today. I'm crapping myself and busting a gut with excitement at the same time.

Anyways, enough from the other side of the Channel for now. Peace out, and keep in touch. I miss everybody :o)

March 2006

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