Bournmouth Beach Weekend – Bloody Fantastic

WARNING - THIS IS A VERY LONG BLOG ENTRY - IT'S ABOUT 2000 WORDS!!!

So before I begin, I need to explain several things about me, for those who don't know.

1) I have a bit of a secret fear of water. Well alright, it can actually be a fairly paralysing fear, if I think about it too much… This could be an issue when the plan for this weekend was, well, swimming in the sea.

2) I hate running. I honestly, truly despise it and actually cannot think of anything I hate doing more.

3) I like to stay in bed in the mornings.

Those facts in place, let me begin the epic tale of Warwick's adventures at the Bournemouth Beach Weekend, 2006.

The journey to Bournemouth took us significantly less time than it should have because Simon was driving, despite the detour via Southampton and also the somewhat 'interesting' music that lives in the world of Mel and Stu's CD collection… After a briefing about the weekend, we got our T shirts and, since it was a lifesaving weekend, we went to the pub.

I was in a group with Helen, Brum's new Captain/President thingy, I can never remember what they're called, and after a few drinks, we went down to the beach and had a sandcastle building competition… Except that we had to make erotic sculptures instead of castles… and they weren't so much erotic as just plain obscene. Pants and bras were removed and added to the sand, numerous rude parts of the body were fashioned, and some of us were intimately involved with the sculptures – but I think Stu had the more embarrassing role – photos to follow when Mel gives them to me!

So, Simon drove us back to the scout hut, after a small unplanned detour, and we got ourselves settled for a nice long sleep… Or not. Many of us were woken in the night by some mysterious humming, which seemed to be coming from Miss Mel. And then, just when I had fallen back into a nice deep sleep, there was a big bell and lots of whistles! My heartbeat did not slow down for about five minutes, it scared me witless!

Once awake and down on the beach, we were informed that we wouldn't be allowed to have our breakfast unless we went for a bit of a run, starting with all the steps up the cliff. Now, I'm told that the full run was probably about a mile and a half, maybe less, but trust me, it felt like a full marathon. I walked less than half, a true achievement, and I wasn't even last. So I got my BBQed breakfast and very nice it was too, but whether it was worth the pain of running and Blondie telling that I was "doing great" is another matter.

Our first two activities were nice and dry, with foot patrol first and then defib training, which was great fun with Mel. We had lunch and then went off to get into our wetsuits, which was almost as strenuous as the running. The next activity was Malibu Boards, which was great fun – surfing down the waves – until Helen decided to try to sabotage next year's Warwick squad! She was ahead of me when a wave hit her, and when she came off her board, it hit me on the chin. It really wasn't anything serious, but it was funny to watch about ten lifesavers jogging to get me out of the water! Unfortunately, the people on patrol (Stu) were nowhere to be seen…!

Half an hour's break gave me a chance to carry some buckets of sand from the back of the hut to the beach in order to earn my tea on Sunday night, and also to mock Simon, who hadn't done any of his 20 required buckets. The reel and line was next, where a rescuer is attached to a long bit of string, then swims out, gets their casualty and is pulled back in by the rest of their team. The casualty is then lifted up and carried up the beach, causing me more large amounts of pain and bruised ribs.

By the end of the session, it was clear that, although it had been cloudy all day, certain people had still managed to get a bit of a tan. Well, a bit of sunburn, actually. All of Stu's team, plus Simon, had managed to brand themselves with distinctive sunburn right up to their eyebrows, where it stopped dead! Attractive. Tea was fish and chips, then we all went out to Bournemouth Uni's live music event, where Jean joined us. We saw a cool band at the first pub, where Mel knew all of two songs they played, but distracted herself with half a bottle of wine. By the time we left the pub, Rob from St Andrews was at the "shhh–ing" stage of drunken–ness, and I was, well, slightly merry. The second pub was stunningly smoky, so we left quickly and went to The Old Firestation. Mel had disappeared, so me and the boys got some drinks and watched Mohair, who gave Stu a bit of deja vu, but they were really ace! Simon wandered off, so we got more drinks, and then Stu performed another mysterious disappearing act, which he's getting quite good at. So me and Simon had a very interesting little chat… By that point, I was knackered, so I went back to the Scout Hut in preparation for another busy day, while Simon stayed behind for more, ahem, socialising.

Sunday started with sunshine at the window and a total lack of bell, and we all headed off to the beach for an even longer run, up and down and up and down again to earn our sausage sandwiches. Our group did some navigation first thing, which I was rubbish at, ended up on the wrong side of the river, and then we went back in the water with the canoes. That was a bit scary, I was really worried about rolling over with the waves, but it was all good; I stayed upright and surfed the waves.

After lunch we stripped off for lifeguarding skills, and went swimming in the sea sans wetsuits… Brrr. Last activity of the was power boating, when I got to drive the boats very fast! Muchly fun it was too, followed by a nice cold shower, just in case we weren't chilly enough already.

Everyone got dressed and ready for the social, except for a small number of fools who got ready to compete in a reel and line competition, with Stu Warwick, Rob St Andrews, Chris Soton, Kieran Brum and Stu Notts preparing to rescue Rosie Brum from the sea, competing against Bournemouth Lifeguard Corps and Worcester Citizens (although why they were there is a mystery). After the swim out, Kieran was about level with Worcester, but ahead of Bournemouth. Uni started to pull in, staying dead in line with Worcester all the way in, who, by the way, looked like a very large tug–of–war team. Chris, Rob and other Stu managed to get Rosie and a fairly exhausted Kieran to the shallows just before Worcester, whilst Stu did some heroic work reeling the wet, sandy line in, causing a seriously impressive wound to his hand. Uni team ran up the beach, neck and neck with Worcester, and just barely crossed the line ahead of them! A fantastic victory for the Unis, finishing waaaay ahead of Bournemouth.

A quick clear up and a first aid job on Stu, it was time for a bit of Beach Pants. Apparently, this is an actual event in the International Lifesaving Rules… Only not with pants, obviously. The idea is that the competitors lay face down on the sand, and on the signal, they jump up, turn round and run towards some pants. The person who ends up without a pair of pants is eliminated, and the winner is the last one with pants. The pants did manage to get themselves hidden quite well as the game progressed, whilst I was out in the first round! Stu gave up in the first round of the boy's competition, and Simon went out in the second round. Possibly the funniest moment was when Chris Stock, the most competitive man on the planet, went out with four rounds to go and was truly and honestly devastated… Poor guy.

So then, onto the inevitable drinking games. The first was a wheelbarrow race in teams, where one person got pushed by another towards a washing–up bowl full of some sort of alcoholic mixture, where they had to drink as much as they could before being wheeled back to their group. I say 'wheeled back', I was in the afore–mentioned Chris's group, and, due to a fit of giggles, I struggles to get back onto my hands to go back to the group. Chris decided it would be a great idea to pull me back by my legs, taking half the beach with me. Thankfully, this isn't on film, thank goodness. Anyway, Stu's team pulled off a spectacular victory in that game and we moved on to the next one. This involved running across the beach to down as much skanky White Lightening as possible, then spinning around a torpedo buoy ten times, before running back across the beach… if you could make it that far. I was very proud to stay upright and in a relatively straight line, whilst Kieran went straight onto the floor when he started to run, whereas Stu didn't even begin his run! Our group, despite being nearest the sea and therefore having a greater potential for serious incident, were outstanding and won by a mile.

Kangaroo Court followed; which reminds me, I never got round to asking why it's called that… But anyway. Plenty of people were nominated for misdemeanours, and most were forced to drink a mixture of Guiness and Baileys through a funnel. Mel was put forward for her distinctive humming in her sleep, and consumed two cups of Baileys. Rhi was made to drink for her avoidance of all and any running, and Helen from Brum got her comeuppance for hitting me with her Malibu board! Simon was ridiculed for putting his wetsuit on back–to–front (fool), but his penalty was passed on to Phil. Simon then nominated Stu, suggesting that Stu had been the one who stole the clanger from the bell. This turned out to be untrue, so Stu was allowed to nominate his penalty to four other people. He chose Rhi, other Stu, himself, and me, because he's a git and I blame him for the chronic hangover I had yesterday.

By this time, we were all a bit knackered and decided to leave, so Simon drove us all home. I fairly sure I woke up at least once to check that Simon was ok, but I may be lying. All in all, it was a truly amazing weekend, it was totally fantastic. I got to know people so much better than I did before and even though it was totally knackering, it was worth it to get into a hot shower yesterday morning. Although I'm not sure my leg muscles will ever be the same again…

: 30 May 2006 21:47 |  Comments (1) |  Report a problem