Things that have changed since last I walked these laminate floors…
So I got home, expecting everything to be just as it was before. I mean, it's home. Nothing happens here. I ring up, tell everyone about my exciting life, and they tell me about putting the bins out, and going to the vet* and what's been on telly.
But oh no. This place has been active since my last visit. You could even say this place was happenin'. Though you wouldn't want to. Or if you did, you should be very ashamed.
Ahem. I feel I have got off topic slightly. Anyway, going back to the excitement that is my house, this is what has changed.
1. We have come out of the dark ages of dialup into the bright light of broadband. Oh yes.
2. My brother's collarbone is now in two pieces rather than the conventional functioning one. He has a sling and a new nickname (Quasimodo).
3. Housemartins have nested above my window, and about once every 30 seconds a little white dollop of bird poo flies past. It's charming. Kind of like one of those ornamental fountains for your living room, but organic and natural.
4. The Neighbours has gone. The TV is a dull void of lunchtime despair.
5. Can't actually get ice cube tray out of freezer now. The freezer really needs defrosting… Kind of a problem for cocktail making. Suspect I am going to be asked to do it if I whinge though.
6. My mother has a better social life than me. All my home friends seem to be in sunnier climes.
7. My wardrobe bulges suspiciously, and is a timebomb waiting to explode with all the paraphenalia of being used to living in two places and now only having the one. If I don't blog for weeks you will know I have suffered a violent and ironic death at the hand of all my possessions.
8. I'm almost 20. How the hell did that happen so fast? (Yes yes yes, I know all you guys did this last year, but I'm a summer baby and therefore am a little… slow. Let the jokes ensue – I've had them all my life. I'm blonde too, if that helps you make some more witty quips.)
*Should point out that's taking the cat to the vet, not going to have themselves checked out for fleas.