The Forever Living Loofah
It's funny how, when you move into a house and gain a permanent bathroom, you suddenly discover a lot more about your seemingly innocent hall-mates than you ever expected. For example: what shampoo they use, how often they use it, and how long they really take in the shower whilst 'washing their hair.'
This is how I discovered that I was not only living with four seemingly normal people, but also a 'Forever Living' Loofah, purporting to belong to one of the aforementioned seemingly normal people, supposedly for washing purposes. Had I known that this item had been lurking in my housemate's washbag all of last year, I would never have agreed to live with them.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the common or garden loofah, but the idea of a 'Forever Living' Loofah disturbs me. I like the idea that my loofah, after a period of dedicated service, will disintegrate upon the bathroom floor, or moulder away quietly on some high ledge (of the type that are always somewhere to be found in a bathroom).
What I don't like is the thought that my loofah will continue to look as fresh as the day it was bought, therefore giving rise to the idea that I am not washing well enough; or even worse, becoming rotten and bedraggled, but still retaining enough substance to write its incriminating memoirs, of how I used and abused it in sordid bathroom encounters.
Any loofah that claims to be immortal must, at some point in the history of time, gain sentience, and when this happens, the consequences could be great and grievous. And how do we know it hasn't happened yet? Loofahs must be kept in their place, for all our sakes…