February 23, 2005

Automatic doors and their hatred of me

It's official. As of 1pm today, there is not a single automatic door on campus that has not tried to trap, maim or otherwise impede my progress through it, mostly in an embarrassing fashion. If you saw a tall blonde girl walking into the supposedly automatic glass doors in Union South at lunchtime today in the afore mentioned embarrassing fashion, then congratulations. You were one of the privileged many who witnessed my last defeat at the hand of All Automatic Doors On Campus.

The doors in Humanities made their feeling pretty clear from the beginning. After the first couple of weeks I learnt to steer clear of their treacherous folding panels and use the manual doors instead. I thought the Arts Centre, being somewhat more neutral territory… neither Union or University, might be more respectful of my status as a person wishing to enter and exit, but after a few choice comedy moments this year, I have quickly learnt this is not the case. The Union doors were my last hope, but after today, our hitherto wary but amicable relationship has broken down.

To be honest, what's wrong with the good old fashioned pull and push? Will nobody hold doors open for those who have their arms full of books/other studenty paraphenalia any more? Give me a friendly door that swings under my weight rather than an maniacal automatic glass panel that flings itself open and closed at will and takes sadistic pleasure in embarrassing me any day.

So I am calling for a truce between me and the doors. I'm not asking for much, just a bit of mutual respect. I'll avoid trespassing on your time as much as I can, if you promise not to attempt assault when there's actually no other choice but to use you. How does that sound?


- 14 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. The thing about push and pull doors… you always get somebody who pushed the pull door and pulls the push door, even when signed.

    23 Feb 2005, 00:49

  2. At least they can console themselves with the thought that the subsequent humiliation is entirely their own fault… whereas automatic doors can strike at any moment without provocation…

    23 Feb 2005, 00:58

  3. There are a few around that enjoy closing on the unsuspecting traverser. I assume that's happened to you rather a lot?

    23 Feb 2005, 01:17

  4. Christ… why are my comments always so bastard dull?

    Read the previous comment as:
    Has one of the bastard doors ever tired to smash you in the face to which you responded by blowing the mother off the surface of the planet?

    23 Feb 2005, 01:24

  5. The Arts Centre door has a personality.

    23 Feb 2005, 01:27

  6. Yes. We don't get on. I think it's an evil warped psycho, and it refuses to acknowledge me as a person.

    Maybe it is just a personality clash.

    23 Feb 2005, 09:03

  7. I dont know about automatic doors, but the London underground hates me. all those funny little ticket machine barriers – it gets so embarassing. ever had that problem?

    23 Feb 2005, 15:34

  8. Oh yes… and the Paris metro too. Embarrassment in another language… equally fun.

    On the subject of the London Underground – I'm also very prone, on my occasional trips to London, to 'tube bruise' [TM] – which is where you try and sit down on one of those little sideways seats just as the train is pulling away, and end up half falling on the stupidly hard and angular arm rests between the seats. Painful, and also leaves a lovely bluey purple mark on your thigh for weeks. Am I alone in this?

    Oh, and Gavin, no, not quite, but can I employ you to do it for me?

    23 Feb 2005, 16:51

  9. Nah. I didn't mean it. I just thought I was being too serious all the time. Can't be arsed now.

    23 Feb 2005, 18:20

  10. Hang on – you're going to pay me. Feel free to. What do you want done?

    23 Feb 2005, 18:29

  11. Lol – sadly, you've missed your chance as somebody has already got there before you, and sabotaged the automatic library doors. They now have big signs on them saying PUSH.

    This shouldn't please me as much as it does, really.

    23 Feb 2005, 22:32

  12. Somebody will try to pull those library doors tomorrow.

    23 Feb 2005, 23:14

  13. I think the powers that be have heard my prayers… or read this… or it's just one big beautiful coincidence. Whatever. I don't care. All that matters is that I walked through the Arts Centre three times today. Both sets of doors opened when they were meant to, closed when they were meant to, and didn't so much as give me a death threat.

    Isn't life wonderful? :-P

    Sigh.

    24 Feb 2005, 22:07

  14. Hmmm….. the words Lull, False, Sense and Security spring to mind.

    Be on your guard.

    24 Feb 2005, 23:44


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