July 30, 2005

A Letter to My Stalker

Dear Mr Rain,

It has got to the point now where I feel there is no option but to communicate my feelings on this matter in writing, as my gentle hints, patient attempts at mediation, and out and out abuse have all been to no avail. You will, of course, be aware of the matter to which I refer.

It is simply not acceptable or seemly for you to continue your behaviour, hanging about outside my house at all hours of the day and night, and making your presence felt by persistent tapping on my window. Now, I feel unable to leave my house without suitable protective measures, as I feel a continuing threat from your presence. I never know where or when you will appear next, and the one time I thought it was possible to leave the safety of my home, you exposed yourself just around the corner. It took me two hours to recover, with the assistance of both a hair and tumble dryer. Lately too, you have been showing no respect for my trusty umbrella, and employing a horizontal approach to your activities that reduces my poor spindly escort to a quivering mess of sticks.

You have been dogging my footsteps continually for the past four days, and as you are probably aware, this state of affairs cannot be allowed to continue, for the sake of my general health, happiness, appearance and social life.

Please leave me alone, or I will be forced to contact the authorities regarding this matter.

Yours soggily,

Elizabeth Jenner

- 6 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

[Skip to the latest comment]
  1. I think he has a brother who's following me. All day, every day.

    01 Aug 2005, 10:57

  2. By the looks of things the police must have caught him.

    02 Aug 2005, 19:01

  3. there is an excellent passage in the final part of the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy about a guy who is followed by rain because, unbeknown to him, he is a rain-god….read it…its fab.

    07 Aug 2005, 22:33

  4. Hehe, yeah man, I remember that part, the truck driver who ends up telling the papers about it.

    08 Aug 2005, 00:23

  5. 'All the clouds knew was that they loved him and wanted to be near him, to cherish him and to water him.'

    Quoted from memory, cos I'm just a big geek really, and that's one of my favourite parts of the non-trilogy!

    It's not raining today! :-)

    08 Aug 2005, 12:21

  6. Hmm… I bet, after all that, I've got that quote wrong…

    08 Aug 2005, 12:22

Add a comment

You are not allowed to comment on this entry as it has restricted commenting permissions.

July 2005

Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa Su
Jun |  Today  | Aug
            1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

Search this blog

Most recent comments

  • Elizabeth it is amazing how people think the same thing, my girlfriend would love a nose cosey cause… by Dian on this entry
  • I too am enjoying the eternal job search. I suffer the affliction of a 'well rounded' cv. by Rhea on this entry
  • oooh! pretty shoes & pretty (bare?) feet! by charles on this entry
  • I went to the page and stage of sam west play As you like and met sam west in person. I went up on t… by Alison on this entry
  • Helllllooooooo Lizzie! It occured to me recently that we have not spoken in a fairly ridiculous amou… by Bethany on this entry
Not signed in
Sign in

Powered by BlogBuilder