All entries for April 2006

April 25, 2006

Student / Staff Lovin'

So in an attempt to spread the love between lecturers and students after recent disputes VC Dave V-L decides to form a student / staff bowling league. Its the night of the big final and a bunch of Chemistry students (and lecturers) are up against English for the big prize. The grandstands are going mental as the action builds towards its climax. Dave V-L's entertaining a group of Singaporean businessmen with Budweiser, hotdogs and sexy dancing girls. Kat Stark's there too (cheering for the lecturers). Everywhere lecturers and students are getting on and putting recent disagreements behind him. Brian Duggan's almost in tears.

With one shot to play the English students and lecturers are trailing by 22 points, but they can snatch victory by clearing all the pins on the last shot. A lecturer puts down his Yeats Collected Poetry, steps up and adjusts his spectacles. He seizes a 14lb bowling ball and moves towards the end of the lane. The auditorium falls silent. Dave V-L grabs one of the Singaporean businessmen by the arm to shut him up. Brian manages to stifle a sob.

The ball starts to lumber down the lane, agonisingly slowly. But the chemistry crew are concerned. The shot looks good – slow, but good. The English students start to search for erudite metaphors to encapsulate what might just about to be the most transcendent moment for staff / student relations in the history of Warwick University. But suddenly the lecturer grabs a football from a nearby member of the First XI and hurls it down the lane. It collides with the bowling ball just as it's about to hit the pins. In the melee of balls and skittles, audience members crane their heads to see what's going on. The dust settles. Every pin is down, except one. It rocks and teeters for a moment but doesn't fall. The aghast students stare at the lecturer in disbelief. He turns to them, and shrugs.

"Sorry guys – I'm on action short of a strike."


April 14, 2006

Woah cultural reference! Check me out!

'I don't want them to find out they can do without me'


April 08, 2006

Warwick Blogs are Besieged!

Follow-up to Word count msn usernames from Such a Good Lad

A sizeable proportion of the emails I receive to my Warwick account continue to be in response to this blog entry. This then, is my second compilation (following this) of some of the more wonderful comments which continue to be made to a rather throwaway tirade I made over a year ago about Word count msn usernames, testifying indeed to the power of google to lead the loathsome common internet user to Warwick blogs…

  • Matt, risking the wrath of women the world over, says, amongst other pertinent observations, "THE WORST MSN NAMES ARE THE DEPRESSING ONES - THEY HAVE TO STOP, AND I MUST SAY, WITHOUT ANY SEXIST VIEW, THAT IT IS THE FEMALES."

  • On November 30th, someone called 'me' (but not me, you understand) said "my user mane is I WALKED UP 2 MY BROTHERS BEST MATE AND SAID U R GAY!! he slapped me with his handbag!"

  • On March 11th, 'ninja' proved that it is not only Warwick students with tongues firmly in cheek who may run the risk of appearing snobbish. He displays his superior grasp of msn terminology when pointing out that "i think you'll find that the 'user message' is for writing about pointless cr@p and how you are feeling ;) a 'username' is primarily to distinguish between contacts. ;)"

  • 'Charlotte' takes a different approach but similarly attempts to clarify procedings by saying of her own username "I dont know why people can get so offended, its just a small joke."

  • Alas her comments are subsequently sullied by 'JORDAN''s "U GUYS R SCREWED I DONT GET IT", and the missive which arrived in my inbox this morning, prompting this entry: "u r gay ALL OF U!!!".

Incidentally this correspondant left the email address 'frankenstein@hotmail.com', which made me wonder whether I should add Mr. Frankenstein to my msn contacts and inflict some monstrous word count usernames of my own devising upon him…

And lest it appear that I am in anyway the snob, I shall conclude with the words of Phillippa Daykin, who was moved to leave the following comment by my previous trackback: "Dear Lord, cretins appear to be taking over the world."

If even Warwick Blogs, my dear fellow Warwickians, can no longer afford us a refuge against assaults on our liberal middle-class sensibilities, then surely we're DOOMED!


April 2006

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