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November 04, 2006

The Department of Extremely Clever Things (ECT)

Department of Extremely Clever ThingsI have been persuaded that this “blogging” presents a means of disseminating recent developments in the Department of Extremely Clever Things (ECT) and as the department’s Director, I feel I should embrace this to counteract the obvious lack of Extreme Cleverness that abounds in our academic environment.
It also gives me the opportunity to have a good whinge about the various problems that I have to deal with.
Take my trusty (but incontinent) Research Associate, Dr. Alphonse D. Paellapan as a case in point…..
Whilst this man will never be remembered as the Bill Shankley of ECT, he has proved quite a productive minion – and therein lies the problem.
Last year, his research determined a reasonably perceptive model of the quantum hybridised mass-spaghetti conjecture, resulting in the now well accepted Paellapan Constant. All well and good.
His more recent investigations have yielded insights into cross-linear matrix delamination as applied to the Tinkley-Wimbaum domain and his definition of the so-called Alphonse Conjecture. Tres bien. RAE points a-plenty.
Now, it seems, his miniscule imagination has deserted him and I believe he has started naming his discoveries purely on the basis of whatever happens to be playing on his iPod at the moment of dissemination.
Research AssociatesA recent paper of his went to great lengths to determine the directional influence of a particularly irksome flux which, purely because he happened to be listening to the Ronettes box collection will now go down in ECT history as the Spector Vector. He has obviously moved on to the hits of the ‘90s as today he has presented me with a first draft of his (frankly overly complex) determination of what he proposes to christen the Chumbawumba Number.
Research Associates, eh?
You can’t do research without them, yet it is still strangely illegal to club them senseless when necessary.

Prof. Edwin Marmaduke Bambleweeny, FRSECT, (Captain, Golly Club, Retd.)
Director, Warwick Department of ECT.


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