All entries for February 2008
February 08, 2008
February 04, 2008
Damn. I knew it was too good to be true.
Anyway – I now present today’s poster-al discoveries:
Firstly, these signs from ‘Tommo’, running for president, that have sprung up all round campus:
My personal favourite is the one that he’s tied to the Belisha Beacon on the zebra crossing next to Humanities. Perfect for confusing motorists and causing accidents. However, there’s one massive flaw that he seems to have overlooked – when I last read the Highway Code, it said that triangular-shaped road signs are ones that are giving warnings of potential hazards. Not thought that one through properly, have you now? However, he does raise a good point with the issue of the unnecessary printer credit pages that print off every time you print something. He’s even gone to the trouble of going round the computer rooms collecting a load and sticking them up:
I actually went at looked at the names on each page to see if one of mine was on there, and if so, I could take legal action against him suggesting that I support his campaign, but it wasn’t to be. But I advise everyone reading this to do the same, you never know!
Ty Hayes seems to have a theme running through his posters:
Yes, well done you, that’s very good.
My favourite slogan of the day (well, I did see it on Friday, but forgot about it), and the most nonsensical one so far is:
This is mainly because I can’t fathom what the frig the slogan is supposed to even mean, so, Lucy, if you’re reading – try harder next time! Obviously the she found the ‘socs’ pun so amazing, she rushed into producing the posters without stopping to consider whether she was talking bollocks.
The most indegistible poster so far comes from one Chris Baker:
Can I be bothered to stand and read this? Umm, no! The only thing that I could be bothered to look at were the balls he’s used as bullet points. Well, at least I should be thankful he’s not followed the trend and used a dirty slogan.
However, his poster isn’t as off-putting as James Marvin’s – he’s depicted himself wielding a megaphone, so he’s bottom of my list.
Now, if a candidate were to suggest banning the use of all megaphones in a 5-mile radius of Campus, they’d get a sure-fire vote from me. When a girl from Warwick Snow started yelling though one in Cholo last week, it only went to reinforce my view that anyone who uses one should have it shoved up their arse at the earliest possible opportunity for the sake of mankind (and some peace and quiet too). Sorry, went off on a bit of a rant there. Also we have a very arty and trendy (i.e. on cardboard) portrait of welfare candidate Matt. And I love the terrible formatting by Nut Boy on his (surprise, surprise) cardboard poster:
I think he wrote ‘ISTACHIO’ and ‘RESIDENT’, and forgot to put the ‘4’ (shudder) in until it was too late. Anyway, at lunchtime today, I ended up being present at the candidates Q&A session in the marketplace. I wasn’t there intentionally. Honest! I was going to South Central, so ended up observing proceedings from the balcony. I caught the end of the Presidential debate (ooh, sounds really American!), which featured Pistachio, James the Conservative, Road Sign Tommo, and, surely the best candidate of all, Philip T. Woolley, dressed as Caesar. Seriously, anyone that couldn’t really give much of a crap how the Union is run next year should vote for him. Why? Let’s see some of his suggestions (from both his manifesto, and the Q&A):
- Replace One World Week with a Blood Sports Week
- Convert Union North into a Casino (on the grounds that there’s no alcohol there), and use the profits to buy the University, and give everyone 2:1s, so we can just have a 3-year piss-up
- Take a ‘Yeah, Whatever’ stance on everything
- Tackle environmental concerns by releasing statistics that the Union has 0% emissions
- Tackle bureacracy by eliminating paper from the Union
Plleeeeaaaseeee vote for him – it’ll be bloody funny if he wins!
I also caught the Education debate – launched by Mo Surve, who walked on stage to a cheer when shouting his ‘Here to Surve’ tagline. The thing is, I’m worried people were actually falling for it… Then came Mr Zaw, who had a well-prepared speech, but was blown apart by actual questions. It turns out he’s anti-9am lectures, which, as I discussed last year, makes him an idealistic pillock. Speaking of Zaw, he’s also got a tagline in his manifesto: I Came, I Zaw, I Conquered. That’ll seem silly if you don’t get elected…
And finally, we had Peter the Conservative (we have a trio of them, by the way – who, confusingly, say they’ll bring us an ‘Independent’ Union). He definitely had the mannerisms of someone wishing to exact revenge on someone/something – so there may be violent consequences if he wins – so vote for him!
February 02, 2008
Bloomin’ heck – kind of couldn’t be arsed with the whole blog thing for, well, about 9 months or so. The fact that this is equal to the gestation period of a human child is purely coincidental…Important things to know since my lost blog:
- I got a 2:1 last year
- Went to Leeds festival last year, and it was awesome
- Went to Bruges on Eurostar, also awesome
- I’m now totally obsessed with Muse
- I was miserable and semi-depressed last term, but I’m fine (well, actually pretty awesome) now
- The train obsession continues unabated
So now we’re caught up.
Anyway, due to the fact that a few people (including randoms who came up to me) gave me poisitive feedback on my election coverage last year, I’m back to provide my observations again this year. Also, I really like the title of my entry that I thought up, so I had to use it.
And lo, I present the First Day of Campaigning Awards:The ‘Do They Ever Learn?’ award
Readers of my entries last year may well recall (apart from the fact they were utter claptrap) that I waged war against candidates who write ‘4’ in place of ‘for’. The worst culprite so far this year is welfare candidate Steph Somethingorother:
To these people: Please stop doing this! It’s not clever, it’s not original – stop trying to be cool by saving the typing of two whole characters! Grrrr! This year seems to be a particularly bad one for people who find some word find a word in the dictionary that vaguely sounds like their forename/surname, and then (usually very poorly) try and hammer some sort of slogan or illiterative statement out of it. This gives rise to my next award:
The ‘My Name Sounds A Little Bit Like Something’ award
First up we have Nut Man, Peter ‘Pistachio’ Ptashko back once again this, still obviously not having decided what he wants to do with his life:
Note: Those allergic to Nuts (well, allergic to words that either contain ‘nut’ in them, or can be amended to contain it – e.g. Nut-hing) should avoid reading his manifesto like the plague – he’s gone (sorry, can’t resist the pun) nuts with them in it, cramming them in pretty much everywhere even remotely possible. A link would be provided, but I can’t for the life of me figure out how to find the manifestos on the Union website.
Another nominee in this category is Matt Polson, with his ‘On the Pulse’ slogan:
Not a bad attempt, but he’s clearly spent a bit too long making that poster. But I think the winner of this award has to be this contender:
For me, she wins it not for the half-decent attempt at illiteration, but for the wonderful (well, pretty pointless) feminist remarks at the bottom. Bless your little heart. What are the odds she’s a member of W.A.S.S? However, if a bloke wrote a similar thing, it’d probably be deemed sexist. So why is the reverse not true?
There are two contenders for my next award, the:
‘Most Innuend-onic slogan’ award
Incidentally, both contenders are running for Sports Officer, which, to be honest, I don’t think is that much of a co-incidence. Firstly, we have:
Wow, he said balls. Hee hee.
But the winner has to be the pure sexual predatorishness that apparently comes with having Phil Ward as sports officer:
‘Let’s play with each other’ eh? Wow, i am soooo going to vote for you with that intelligent piece of pervishness. Next.
The ‘Candidate Most Likely To Be Making Himself Sound Much Better Than He Actually Is’ award
Following James ‘The Great’ Gadsby last year is a guy presenting himself as Superman:
The ‘Most Likely To Be Infringing Someone’s Copyright’ award goes to:
It’s some guy called Zaw (which, if you ask me, sounds like something from Robot Wars) with movie-themed posters depicting 300 (definitely infringing copyright) and Zaw 4 (slightly less illegal possibly, but then he went and used ‘4’ in place of ‘for’, which, as we’ve discussed, makes him an imbecile.
The last award, is the snappily titled ‘Most Liberal Erection Of Posters With Flagrant Disregard For What Your Covering Up’ award, which goes to Sam Lee. My agument is shown in my picture:
His tactic seems to be to make up for the lack of content on his posters (apart from showing us all what a pretty face he has) by plastering shedloads of them up, over more interesting (i.e. Non-election) posters. Outside Café Library, he’s even arranged a load to spell out the word ‘SAM’. I’m so tempted to go down at the dead of night and re-arrange them into the word ‘TIT’. On a final note, you may recall from last year that I wrote about someone who pinned a piece of cardboard with their name on it as a rudimentary campaign poster. Well, ad-hoc cardboard posters seem to be all the rage this year (probably people jumping on the environmental bandwagon, now that it’s fashionable and all), as this view outside L3 depicts:
On a related matter, I’m so tempted to replace ‘for’ with ‘needs’ on Mo Surve’s posters. However, I can’t, as I think he needs to be congratulated for not using the really obvious pun of his name on his posters. At least one of the candidates is saving my sanity…