Bloomin’ heck – kind of couldn’t be arsed with the whole blog thing for, well, about 9 months or so. The fact that this is equal to the gestation period of a human child is purely coincidental…Important things to know since my lost blog:
- I got a 2:1 last year
- Went to Leeds festival last year, and it was awesome
- Went to Bruges on Eurostar, also awesome
- I’m now totally obsessed with Muse
- I was miserable and semi-depressed last term, but I’m fine (well, actually pretty awesome) now
- The train obsession continues unabated
So now we’re caught up.
Anyway, due to the fact that a few people (including randoms who came up to me) gave me poisitive feedback on my election coverage last year, I’m back to provide my observations again this year. Also, I really like the title of my entry that I thought up, so I had to use it.
And lo, I present the First Day of Campaigning Awards:The ‘Do They Ever Learn?’ award
Readers of my entries last year may well recall (apart from the fact they were utter claptrap) that I waged war against candidates who write ‘4’ in place of ‘for’. The worst culprite so far this year is welfare candidate Steph Somethingorother:
To these people: Please stop doing this! It’s not clever, it’s not original – stop trying to be cool by saving the typing of two whole characters! Grrrr! This year seems to be a particularly bad one for people who find some word find a word in the dictionary that vaguely sounds like their forename/surname, and then (usually very poorly) try and hammer some sort of slogan or illiterative statement out of it. This gives rise to my next award:
The ‘My Name Sounds A Little Bit Like Something’ award
First up we have Nut Man, Peter ‘Pistachio’ Ptashko back once again this, still obviously not having decided what he wants to do with his life:
Note: Those allergic to Nuts (well, allergic to words that either contain ‘nut’ in them, or can be amended to contain it – e.g. Nut-hing) should avoid reading his manifesto like the plague – he’s gone (sorry, can’t resist the pun) nuts with them in it, cramming them in pretty much everywhere even remotely possible. A link would be provided, but I can’t for the life of me figure out how to find the manifestos on the Union website.
Another nominee in this category is Matt Polson, with his ‘On the Pulse’ slogan:
Not a bad attempt, but he’s clearly spent a bit too long making that poster. But I think the winner of this award has to be this contender:
For me, she wins it not for the half-decent attempt at illiteration, but for the wonderful (well, pretty pointless) feminist remarks at the bottom. Bless your little heart. What are the odds she’s a member of W.A.S.S? However, if a bloke wrote a similar thing, it’d probably be deemed sexist. So why is the reverse not true?
There are two contenders for my next award, the:
‘Most Innuend-onic slogan’ award
Incidentally, both contenders are running for Sports Officer, which, to be honest, I don’t think is that much of a co-incidence. Firstly, we have:
Wow, he said balls. Hee hee.
But the winner has to be the pure sexual predatorishness that apparently comes with having Phil Ward as sports officer:
‘Let’s play with each other’ eh? Wow, i am soooo going to vote for you with that intelligent piece of pervishness. Next.
The ‘Candidate Most Likely To Be Making Himself Sound Much Better Than He Actually Is’ award
Following James ‘The Great’ Gadsby last year is a guy presenting himself as Superman:
The ‘Most Likely To Be Infringing Someone’s Copyright’ award goes to:
It’s some guy called Zaw (which, if you ask me, sounds like something from Robot Wars) with movie-themed posters depicting 300 (definitely infringing copyright) and Zaw 4 (slightly less illegal possibly, but then he went and used ‘4’ in place of ‘for’, which, as we’ve discussed, makes him an imbecile.
The last award, is the snappily titled ‘Most Liberal Erection Of Posters With Flagrant Disregard For What Your Covering Up’ award, which goes to Sam Lee. My agument is shown in my picture:
His tactic seems to be to make up for the lack of content on his posters (apart from showing us all what a pretty face he has) by plastering shedloads of them up, over more interesting (i.e. Non-election) posters. Outside Café Library, he’s even arranged a load to spell out the word ‘SAM’. I’m so tempted to go down at the dead of night and re-arrange them into the word ‘TIT’. On a final note, you may recall from last year that I wrote about someone who pinned a piece of cardboard with their name on it as a rudimentary campaign poster. Well, ad-hoc cardboard posters seem to be all the rage this year (probably people jumping on the environmental bandwagon, now that it’s fashionable and all), as this view outside L3 depicts:
On a related matter, I’m so tempted to replace ‘for’ with ‘needs’ on Mo Surve’s posters. However, I can’t, as I think he needs to be congratulated for not using the really obvious pun of his name on his posters. At least one of the candidates is saving my sanity…
23 comments by 1 or more people[Skip to the latest comment]
Very pleased to see this has made a return! Having left Warwick over 18 months ago I couldn’t give a stuff who wins, but I’ll be following the coverage as it’s extremely entertaining!
03 Feb 2008, 01:21
Not sure whether managing to avoid being mentioned (so far) is good or bad! I’m thinking bad…
03 Feb 2008, 02:35
You were on my ‘maybe’ list. Had I not covered so much else, you’d probably be in. Do you have anything completely daft or ill thought through in your manifesto? If so, it would help.
03 Feb 2008, 15:55
Awesome stuff Ian. Someone needs to be doing this. Incidently, it seems non of the candidates went what, if you study the last few years of elections, would be an almost fool-proof way of winning. I had intended to do a “How to win the Warwick Saab Elections” blog before everything kicked off to see if anyone would us it, but I’m too out of touch with uni timing and didn’t realise it had started until the other day. I’ll write it up later in the week instead.
03 Feb 2008, 18:23
Anything daft of ill thought through you say? Hmm… I don’t think I have, but I’m sure if you have a close enough look through my manifesto you’ll find something… As soon as I saw the ‘My Name Sounds A Little Bit Like Something’ award I fully expected to bag that one.
Dean – I’d be interested to hear what you think – its something that’s talked about quite a bit, and the general consensus is that there is no foolproof way – apart maybe from getting out there and chatting to people as much as possible. Unfortunately by about day 2 everyone is massively pissed off with that happening, but its a tricky one – the more your rivals do it, the more you’ve got to do it, so its a bit of a vicious circle!
04 Feb 2008, 01:21
Already being a sabb is a good way of getting yourself elected again if, as Ian puts it, you “still haven’t decided what you want to do with your life”, for the simple reason that more people will have heard of you than any of the others. The last two years would also suggest that being the current Chair of Council is an automatic passport to getting yourself elected as FDSO, a hypothesis that Andy Glyde is evidently attempting to test further.
I probably don’t qualify for any awards, since my manifesto is entirely free of puns, I can spell “for” and I haven’t put any posters up (for the fairly good reason that I’m currently several hundred miles away from Warwick, and don’t know anyone sufficiently dedicated to my cause to run a campaign for me). But then again, I’m running for a non-sabb post so most probably no-one cares about that.
04 Feb 2008, 03:42
I think Peter Hain had “Hain 4 Labour” when he wanted the deputy leadership.
Where is he now.
04 Feb 2008, 14:35
Greetings Vincent, long time no exchange of gratuitous insults.
Incidentally, as Ian mentions, Peter Ptashko has gone overboard with endeavouring to fit the word “nut(s)” into his manifesto in as many places as possible; meanwhile, one of his opponents, Stuart Thomson, is using the slogan “let’s go crush some nuts”. Coincidence?
04 Feb 2008, 16:41
Which one are you again, Michael Jones?
04 Feb 2008, 20:56
Perhaps Michael Jones is James Vincent.
Pidge – admittedly when I did see your poster in the corner of one of the photos I chuckled and felt sorry for you.
Ian – good post, keep us updated!
04 Feb 2008, 23:12
Hamid – that’s one of my pet hates – “admittedly”. Cringe, cringe.
05 Feb 2008, 00:06
Sue – admittedly that’s good to know.
Try to keep the rage inside. I know how you feel. Whenever I see “general consensus” I do want to lob something at my monitor.
06 Feb 2008, 00:05
Oh and add “To have your cake and eat it” to that. It’s “to eat your cake and have it” you simpletons!
06 Feb 2008, 00:06
It never amounts to rage merely slight annoyance but it’s true I have never told anyone before so I feel so much better now.
06 Feb 2008, 07:23
I don’t know if anyone’s managed to take a picture of Ross’s campaign for “Government and Finanance”. Has got to be the best one for me. There was a poster near L3, but it might have been covered up with an amended poster.
Other than that, the “you knows it makes sense” (yes, with the s), annoys me more than the fours for for.
Finally, regarding the nuts campaign, one can see it’s been thought through – as it advocates both the environment side and a push for cheaper photocopies and printing. Regarding the environment, has anyone pointed out you couldn’t do duplex printing from the IT rooms anymore?
07 Feb 2008, 15:51
Pierre, what’s wrong with the sentence “you know it makes sense”?
07 Feb 2008, 20:45
The fact that it is spelt “you knows” with an s. Just makes me cringe. Either it is meant to be lolcatz, which I find ridiculous, or it is a typo.
07 Feb 2008, 22:39
None of them is quite as bad as the one which appeared in Peter Ptashko’s manifesto two years ago, when he first stood for Education Officer (incidentally, he didn’t use the “nuts” slogan that year, and came third; the following year he did, and won. The 2006 ‘My Name Sounds A Little Bit Like Something’ award would probably have gone to Cleo Longworth, with her “Cleo-minded approach” – she won, so maybe a bad slogan does get you votes): “unniversity”.
07 Feb 2008, 23:27
What am I after all but a child, pleased with the sound of
my own name? repeating it over and over;
I stand apart to hear – it never tires me.
To you your name also;
Did you think there was nothing but two or three
pronunciations in the sound of your name?
08 Feb 2008, 19:07
How to win an election: http://blogs.warwick.ac.uk/loved/entry/how_to_win/
09 Feb 2008, 18:29
You could have at least made it a trackback/asked Ian to edit a mention in the main article instead of shamelessly pimping yourself out in the comments Dean :p.
09 Feb 2008, 23:15
Hamid, you say shameless like it’s a bad thing!
10 Feb 2008, 17:52
Good point, especially not during Election season!
PS – Big man, Big ideas.
12 Feb 2008, 18:18
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