All entries for Monday 04 February 2008

February 04, 2008

Election Continuation

I apologise. I was all wrong on my opinions of Mo Surve. I apologise for possibly misleading you into believing that he did have some form of personal integrity. Why? Well, it’s just that I’ve since discovered that he is using the obvious pun of his name on his publicity:
Surve

Damn. I knew it was too good to be true.
Anyway – I now present today’s poster-al discoveries:
Firstly, these signs from ‘Tommo’, running for president, that have sprung up all round campus:
Tommo

My personal favourite is the one that he’s tied to the Belisha Beacon on the zebra crossing next to Humanities. Perfect for confusing motorists and causing accidents. However, there’s one massive flaw that he seems to have overlooked – when I last read the Highway Code, it said that triangular-shaped road signs are ones that are giving warnings of potential hazards. Not thought that one through properly, have you now? However, he does raise a good point with the issue of the unnecessary printer credit pages that print off every time you print something. He’s even gone to the trouble of going round the computer rooms collecting a load and sticking them up:
Printing

I actually went at looked at the names on each page to see if one of mine was on there, and if so, I could take legal action against him suggesting that I support his campaign, but it wasn’t to be. But I advise everyone reading this to do the same, you never know!
Ty Hayes seems to have a theme running through his posters:
Tie

Yes, well done you, that’s very good.
My favourite slogan of the day (well, I did see it on Friday, but forgot about it), and the most nonsensical one so far is:
Socs

This is mainly because I can’t fathom what the frig the slogan is supposed to even mean, so, Lucy, if you’re reading – try harder next time! Obviously the she found the ‘socs’ pun so amazing, she rushed into producing the posters without stopping to consider whether she was talking bollocks.
The most indegistible poster so far comes from one Chris Baker:
Baker

Can I be bothered to stand and read this? Umm, no! The only thing that I could be bothered to look at were the balls he’s used as bullet points. Well, at least I should be thankful he’s not followed the trend and used a dirty slogan.
However, his poster isn’t as off-putting as James Marvin’s – he’s depicted himself wielding a megaphone, so he’s bottom of my list.
Megaphone

Now, if a candidate were to suggest banning the use of all megaphones in a 5-mile radius of Campus, they’d get a sure-fire vote from me. When a girl from Warwick Snow started yelling though one in Cholo last week, it only went to reinforce my view that anyone who uses one should have it shoved up their arse at the earliest possible opportunity for the sake of mankind (and some peace and quiet too). Sorry, went off on a bit of a rant there. Also we have a very arty and trendy (i.e. on cardboard) portrait of welfare candidate Matt. And I love the terrible formatting by Nut Boy on his (surprise, surprise) cardboard poster:
format

I think he wrote ‘ISTACHIO’ and ‘RESIDENT’, and forgot to put the ‘4’ (shudder) in until it was too late. Anyway, at lunchtime today, I ended up being present at the candidates Q&A session in the marketplace. I wasn’t there intentionally. Honest! I was going to South Central, so ended up observing proceedings from the balcony. I caught the end of the Presidential debate (ooh, sounds really American!), which featured Pistachio, James the Conservative, Road Sign Tommo, and, surely the best candidate of all, Philip T. Woolley, dressed as Caesar. Seriously, anyone that couldn’t really give much of a crap how the Union is run next year should vote for him. Why? Let’s see some of his suggestions (from both his manifesto, and the Q&A):

    • Replace One World Week with a Blood Sports Week

    • Convert Union North into a Casino (on the grounds that there’s no alcohol there), and use the profits to buy the University, and give everyone 2:1s, so we can just have a 3-year piss-up

    • Take a ‘Yeah, Whatever’ stance on everything

    • Tackle environmental concerns by releasing statistics that the Union has 0% emissions

    • Tackle bureacracy by eliminating paper from the Union


    Plleeeeaaaseeee vote for him – it’ll be bloody funny if he wins!
    I also caught the Education debate – launched by Mo Surve, who walked on stage to a cheer when shouting his ‘Here to Surve’ tagline. The thing is, I’m worried people were actually falling for it… Then came Mr Zaw, who had a well-prepared speech, but was blown apart by actual questions. It turns out he’s anti-9am lectures, which, as I discussed last year, makes him an idealistic pillock. Speaking of Zaw, he’s also got a tagline in his manifesto: I Came, I Zaw, I Conquered. That’ll seem silly if you don’t get elected…
    And finally, we had Peter the Conservative (we have a trio of them, by the way – who, confusingly, say they’ll bring us an ‘Independent’ Union). He definitely had the mannerisms of someone wishing to exact revenge on someone/something – so there may be violent consequences if he wins – so vote for him!

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