All entries for Saturday 02 February 2008

February 02, 2008

Election Resurrection

Bloomin’ heck – kind of couldn’t be arsed with the whole blog thing for, well, about 9 months or so. The fact that this is equal to the gestation period of a human child is purely coincidental…

Important things to know since my lost blog:

    • I got a 2:1 last year

    • Went to Leeds festival last year, and it was awesome

    • Went to Bruges on Eurostar, also awesome

    • I’m now totally obsessed with Muse

    • I was miserable and semi-depressed last term, but I’m fine (well, actually pretty awesome) now

    • The train obsession continues unabated


    So now we’re caught up.

    Anyway, due to the fact that a few people (including randoms who came up to me) gave me poisitive feedback on my election coverage last year, I’m back to provide my observations again this year. Also, I really like the title of my entry that I thought up, so I had to use it.

    And lo, I present the First Day of Campaigning Awards:

    The ‘Do They Ever Learn?’ award
    Readers of my entries last year may well recall (apart from the fact they were utter claptrap) that I waged war against candidates who write ‘4’ in place of ‘for’. The worst culprite so far this year is welfare candidate Steph Somethingorother:
    Steph

    To these people: Please stop doing this! It’s not clever, it’s not original – stop trying to be cool by saving the typing of two whole characters! Grrrr! This year seems to be a particularly bad one for people who find some word find a word in the dictionary that vaguely sounds like their forename/surname, and then (usually very poorly) try and hammer some sort of slogan or illiterative statement out of it. This gives rise to my next award:
    The ‘My Name Sounds A Little Bit Like Something’ award
    First up we have Nut Man, Peter ‘Pistachio’ Ptashko back once again this, still obviously not having decided what he wants to do with his life:
    Ptashko

    Note: Those allergic to Nuts (well, allergic to words that either contain ‘nut’ in them, or can be amended to contain it – e.g. Nut-hing) should avoid reading his manifesto like the plague – he’s gone (sorry, can’t resist the pun) nuts with them in it, cramming them in pretty much everywhere even remotely possible. A link would be provided, but I can’t for the life of me figure out how to find the manifestos on the Union website.
    Another nominee in this category is Matt Polson, with his ‘On the Pulse’ slogan:
    Polson

    Not a bad attempt, but he’s clearly spent a bit too long making that poster. But I think the winner of this award has to be this contender:
    Axson

    For me, she wins it not for the half-decent attempt at illiteration, but for the wonderful (well, pretty pointless) feminist remarks at the bottom. Bless your little heart. What are the odds she’s a member of W.A.S.S? However, if a bloke wrote a similar thing, it’d probably be deemed sexist. So why is the reverse not true?
    There are two contenders for my next award, the:
    ‘Most Innuend-onic slogan’ award
    Incidentally, both contenders are running for Sports Officer, which, to be honest, I don’t think is that much of a co-incidence. Firstly, we have:
    Terry

    Wow, he said balls. Hee hee.
    But the winner has to be the pure sexual predatorishness that apparently comes with having Phil Ward as sports officer:
    Ward

    ‘Let’s play with each other’ eh? Wow, i am soooo going to vote for you with that intelligent piece of pervishness. Next.
    The ‘Candidate Most Likely To Be Making Himself Sound Much Better Than He Actually Is’ award
    Following James ‘The Great’ Gadsby last year is a guy presenting himself as Superman:
    Superman

    ‘Nuff said.
    The ‘Most Likely To Be Infringing Someone’s Copyright’ award goes to:
    Zaw 1
    Zaw 2

    It’s some guy called Zaw (which, if you ask me, sounds like something from Robot Wars) with movie-themed posters depicting 300 (definitely infringing copyright) and Zaw 4 (slightly less illegal possibly, but then he went and used ‘4’ in place of ‘for’, which, as we’ve discussed, makes him an imbecile.
    The last award, is the snappily titled ‘Most Liberal Erection Of Posters With Flagrant Disregard For What Your Covering Up’ award, which goes to Sam Lee. My agument is shown in my picture:
    Sam

    His tactic seems to be to make up for the lack of content on his posters (apart from showing us all what a pretty face he has) by plastering shedloads of them up, over more interesting (i.e. Non-election) posters. Outside Café Library, he’s even arranged a load to spell out the word ‘SAM’. I’m so tempted to go down at the dead of night and re-arrange them into the word ‘TIT’. On a final note, you may recall from last year that I wrote about someone who pinned a piece of cardboard with their name on it as a rudimentary campaign poster. Well, ad-hoc cardboard posters seem to be all the rage this year (probably people jumping on the environmental bandwagon, now that it’s fashionable and all), as this view outside L3 depicts:
    Cardboard

    On a related matter, I’m so tempted to replace ‘for’ with ‘needs’ on Mo Surve’s posters. However, I can’t, as I think he needs to be congratulated for not using the really obvious pun of his name on his posters. At least one of the candidates is saving my sanity…

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