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January 22, 2007

Not Impressed

The Apprentice Season 6

da

The quality of The (US) Apprentice has been decreasing with every season. Season 6 marks the biggest drop in quality yet. We've gone from a reality show which actually seemed relatively professional and grounded in plausible business quests (as far as a reality show of its kind could be) to a Melrose Place Oligarchical Circus where Trump spends one half of the episode masturbating his ego whilst his two half-siblings share uncomfortable and hateful (Freud might say incestuous! I wouldn't) glances at one-another. The other half of the episode is spent with the "Contestants" running around like a group of retarded monkeys. 

The board room is even more ridiculous. The pathetic displays of smarmy toadiness and virtual begging makes me more sick to the stomach than the contestants of American Idol who don't realise that they're embarrassing themselves, their families and anyone who's watching or listening, by begging the "judges" to "give them one more chance".

So what's been going on in California so far? Well they've pitched a tent,  had a car wash, sold bikins and run hollywood tours. OK. They may have had a lemonade-selling episode in the first season but for crying out loud, at least there was a modicum of dignity. Even that Ivanka girl from season three (was it three?) had more dignity in stripping to sell M&Ms than these idiots do in washing cars. 

35 minutes of Trump pimping himself, his products, his hair and occasionally throwing his children a bone. 5 minutes of actual work from the contestants (replete with crappy music and even crappier editing) and 5 minutes in the "boardroom" where Trump tries his best to extend the proceedings by wading around in the shitpot and kicking it about a bit.  


January 16, 2007

The Rise of Alexander Siddig

Alright. I admit it. When I was younger I was a bit of a geek. A bit of a super-geek. NCC-1701 D kind of geeky. And I have to say, I still fondly remember my love of Star Trek: The Next Generation and Deep Space 9. In fact, DS9 was far and away the best Star Trek series  in terms of acting talent, plots and effects (sorry Holly :P). Bashir

 Now my favourite character in DS9 was Julian Bashir, brought to life by Alexander Siddig . As a slight aside, it claims that he has been credited as Siddig al-Fadel several times in the past but changed his screen name to Alexander Siddig because no-one could pronounce al-Fadel - I can sympathise ;).  But I distinctly remember that for the first season of DS9 he was credited as something like Siddig bin Siddig.

 Anyhow, I'm glad that his talent is being recognised post-Trek and he's landing some decent, if a little bit pigeon-holed, roles.  In fact I think he's probably the most successful DS9 actor to date. Colm Meany has had a couple of parts. Avery Brooks will be well-remembered for his part in American History X. And Odo cropped up as a gentle pastor in The Patriot. But Siddig has been popping up everywhere of late, probably due to Hollywood's need for more Arabs in film. He's been in the UK series Spooks, Ridley Scott's Kingdom of Heaven, Syriana and if you're watching 24 as eagerly as Chris Doidge has been, then you'll notice him popping up as a Terrorist-turned-Statesman.

 I hope he continues to get parts. He's got the talent and it deserves to be seen more and more. 


January 15, 2007

Desperate Housewives and Condom Use

Just finished watching Desperate Housewives 2x13. The entire episode seems to be an advert for using various forms of birth control. However one niggling problem is cropping up:

The girl keeps saying that condoms are 85% effective. Which is total bollocks. Condoms effectively reduce the transmission of HIV by about 85%. Condoms are only  85% effective when not properly used but 98% effective when properly used. Bearing in mind that they've made condoms as foolproof as possible the vast majority of that 15% of "typical-use" folk are complete smacktards. 

 This is worrying because it's difficult-enough to encourage condom-use in men these days. If you're going around giving them the impression that it's "only" 85% effective then the typical reaction might be "Oh well if they're not so effective then I may as well rely on her using the pill!". 

Silly buggers. 

 Now remember boys, if you're going to be having premarital sex (and therefore put yourself on a highway to hell) at least don't burden me and other responsible folk with the costs of your unwanted seed and/or STDs.  And girls... remember - no glove, no love... if Santa's got a present, tell him to make sure to wrap it etc. etc. 


January 05, 2007

AP was telling the truth

Writing about web page http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/01/04/ap/world/mainD8MENNJ80.shtml

Michelle MalkinFor those of you who don’t know, The integrity of the Associated Press has been under sustained attack from the Right-wing “Blogosphere” (spearheaded by Michelle Malkin) over the identity of one of its sources since the publication of this report (ABC presenting the AP news report) on the 24/11/2006.

What was specifically called into question was the existence of primary source Captain Jamil Hussein, who has, apparently, been a source for more than sixty AP pieces. The Right-wing blogosphere not only called into question his identity, but the veracity of his claims concerning the brutal murder of six sunnis outside a Baghdad mosque whilst Iraqi soldiers watched:

BAGHDAD, Iraq Nov 24, 2006 (AP)— Shiite militiamen doused six Sunni Arabs with kerosene and burned them alive as Iraqi soldiers stood by
-
The Mahdi Army militiamen, armed with machines guns and rocket-propelled grenades, swept through Hurriyah neighborhood near an Iraqi army post, burning four mosques and several homes, and attacking worshippers as they left Friday services, said police Capt. Jamil Hussein. [my emphasis]

The Iraqi interior Ministry claimed that they could not find record of Jamil Hussein’s existance (which they are now saying was a mistake) and the US military declined to verify the original story.

The AP later went on to defend its reporting and stick by its report on the burning of the Iraqis outside the mosque.

We have sent journalists to the neighborhood three different times to talk with people there about what happened. *And those residents have repeatedly told us, in some detail, that Shiite militiamen dragged six Sunni worshippers from a mosque, drenched them with kerosene and burned them alive.
-
No one else has said they have actually gone to the neighborhood. Particularly not the individuals who have criticized our journalism with such barbed certitude.

This of course was not good enough for the right-wing bloggers who happily eat news reports straight from the hand of the army or the administration. Now (even Fox News admits that) The AP has been vindicated

This of course is not enough for the blogosphere who are now focusing on the veracity of the reported stories rather than the veracity of the source. But at least the AP has shown its worth and its continuing journalistic integrity in the face of these prolonged attacks merits our respect.

Some of you might not see why this was of any importance. Who cares about what a couple of Armchair Journalists think? Right? Well the controversy spilled over into mainstream media and forced the AP to make at least two statements in defence of both the initial piece and the existence of Jamil Hussein.

Now the police officer faces arrest for his leaking of information. Even if he is not arrested (curiously the Iraqi Interior Ministry seems to be leaving a loophole open to avoid arresting him), there is still the chance that Shi’a groups will kill him for his role in helping to publicise various Shi’a attacks. Either way it looks like the AP has lost another valuable source which means that while the AP has won a battle, it has cost them dearly


January 03, 2007

Fox News (Cavuto) on Muslims…

A friend’s just sent me a copy of an interview between the Cavuto programme on FoxNews recently with Rabbi Weiss.

Now to put some context on things, Rabbi Weiss is an Orthodox Rabbi who is also a member of Neturei Karta. For those who are unfamiliar with the group, Neturei Karta is a religious, anti-Zionist group of Jews who believe that, as stated within the Torah and as has been elaborated on by various Rabbis throughout Jewish history, Jews should not return to Palestine until, essentially, Judgement day. Ie until the Messiah returns (I think the Hebrew is Messiach, Arabic is Messih).

The group, including the featured Rabbi attended the rcent Iranian conference on the Holocaust.

Now I don’t wish to get into a debate on the Holocaust or the Holocaust conference. The conference was more-or-less pointless. The Holocaust has been substantially documented and the only empirical disagreements come over the numbers actually killed. What I do wish to get into is one of the presenter’s (many) throwaway comments:


C*avuto: OK. Israel ceases to exist as a Jewish state. You really have trust that Muslims wouldn’t *butcher you?
*R*abbi *W*eiss: Yes.
C: In revenge for what’s happened in the last 60/70 years?
RW: What happened in South Africa? The people were afraid that they would butcher all the white people [Cavuto interrupts]
C: South African blacks are not Muslims.

So not only would the Palestinians butcher all Jews should there be a binational state within Israel/Palestine, but they would do so purely because they are Muslims.

Meanwhile the Iranians have apparently “butchered Christians in Iran for 20 years”.


660 Palestinians killed in 2006

Writing about web page http://www.btselem.org/english/Press_Releases/20061228.asp

On 28/12/2006 B’tselem published a press release tallying the number of people killed in the I/P conflict during 2006. The total figure was 683 of whom 660 were Palestinians. Of the 660 Palestinians, 141 were minors. 23 Israelis, including one minor, were killed in the same period of time.

I wonder how the Hasbarah-spouters will be spinning the fact that the Israelis killed 141 Palestinian minors, whereas one Israeli minor was killed. 141:1 doesn’t make for good propaganda.

Some suggestions include:

*Palestinians picked up their children and threw them underneath tank tracks.
*Palestinians killed their own children, then pretended Israel did it.
*Palestinians duct-taped children to themselves then charged checkpoints.


December 30, 2006

Saddam Hussein Executed

Follow-up to Saddam Hussein to be executed tomorrow? from The Story of Hamid-o

Wonderful. As predicted, it’s quite the media circus. We’ve got images on Fox, CNN etc. Frontpages plastered with images of Saddam with a noose around his head. There are step-by-step pictures and videos available of the placing of the noose, the body hanging limply and the corpse on the floor. Fantastic.

Meanwhile, I’m hearing of videos apparently showing various Shi’a executioners dancing around the room.

If he needed to be executed, then fine. But execution on Eid? How wonderful! It’s Like executing a Christian on Christmas day. You don’t bloody execute people on Eid, no matter how vile they may be. And it’s December 30th. How beautifully convenient! Well done Bush! Another mission accomplished!

It’s great to see the “Sovereign” Iraqi courts marching to America’s drumbeat. Naturally the Americans haven’t considered (or have they?) the impact of his show trial and execution on the Sunnis of Iraq. Let’s see how long it takes before Sovereign Iraq divides into three different nations.


December 29, 2006

Saddam Hussein to be executed tomorrow?

Writing about web page http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/12/29/hussein/index.html

So it looks like the Iraqi kangaroo court has heard the appeal and decided that the execution should proceed and it’s looking increasingly likely that it will happen either later today or tomorrow. Tomorrow is, coincidentally 30/12/2006 , just one day short of the New Year.

So it looks like Bush will have some propaganda victory as his party staggers into 2007 under the weight of the Iraq war, Foley(gate), the losses incurred in the Senate and the House of Representatives. Now he can claim that justice has been served, another mission accomplished and an evil dictator has been “wiped off the map” (wahay!). He can gloat that justice has been served whilst at the same time shy away from completely condoning it.

“We salute the Iraqi people and their quest for freedom and democracy against al-qayder and terrism, and we hope that today will mark the end of an era. An era of rape rooms and soldiers seizing babies from incubators. But you know, being the civilised civilisation that we white…. I mean Americans are, we don’t condone the death penalty. Except in Texas (and other states). Where we execute the mentally-handicapped. And heck, you know them there on death row have several chances to appeal. It can take a long time to execute someone. But when it comes to a former head of state who’s become a political nuisance… well ‘Justice’ is always best served quickly and efficiently!

At least he got the vague semblence of justice instead of a “9mm Labotomy” – or a “window in the back of his head” or whatever charming phrase jingoistic, gun-toting Americans are using today – in his cell. So let’s see how this pans out.

As an aside, the media circus is increasingly stomach-turning. I was just watching CNN and my skin crawled as the announcement came. It reminded me of that satirical scene in Starship Troopers concerning the criminal due to be excecuted “Execution live at 9.00, all channels”. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s live coverage of the execution.

So, whatever you might think of Saddam, there are two things I remember him for, back from my youth:

1) An interview with Trevor Macdonald (I think it was just before the Gulf War whilst America was gathering UN support for “ejecting Iraq from Kuwait”) in which Saddam Hussein was speaking Arabic through a translator. The translator mistranslated something – Saddam paused, looked at his translator and told him to translate it properly. Was quite surprising and an insight into the dictator. As shitty a commander as he was, he had some cunning.

2) Another quotation. I can’t remember when it was said (or to whom it was said) but I remember my father quoting it to me sometime after the Gulf War. I’m paraphrasing but it was essentially:

Reporter: Mr. President, what do you think about the threats coming from Qatar and Bahrain these days?
...
Saddam Hussein : Qatar? Bahrain? Ha! I’ll tell you what I think of Qatar and Bahrain. I took Kuwait in a week. I’ll take Qatar in a day. And I’ll take Bahrain by fax.

For some reason, that still cracks me up. Sadist with a sense of humour perhaps?


CSI Miami…

I don’t expect much from a lot of the TV shows I watch on a regular basis. I put them on in the background while I read or play video games or learn vocab.

One of the shows I enjoy “watching” is CSI Miami. I watched Seasons 4 and 5 with my girlfriend (pausing every five minutes to say (wait so that’s his dead brother’s wife or his girlfriend? Why does that blonde one have a stalker? etc. etc.) and I liked it. I think the acting’s of a pretty good quality and there’s something of a James Earls Jones quality to Horatio Cane’s voice. It’s not quite as deep, but it has that same disarming and calming factor. Even when spouting off the usual SLAP-ME-BEFORE-I-SLAP-MYSELF cliches/puns that crop up in every episode with at least one just before the title screen. Just this minute he’s come up with “She should have been seeing the time of her life here in Spring Break… not the end of it”.

Anyhow, the rant. I can live with the idea of Cane being some sort of combination of Police Chief/Lieutenant/CSI/Vigilante/Man-of-the-family. Hey, it’s fantasy! I can live with the idea that a woman can wear skin-tight clothing whilst somehow concealing a kevlar vest (wait… we can see the shape of her boobs… and she’s wearing a bullet-proof vest? Oh my!). I can even live with the idea that these guys can increase a picture’s resolution “Hey gimme a close up on quadrant 19 of that shitty mobile phone picture. Can you give me a close up? OK can you clear it up a bit? Well shit, of course you can! Now I can see a license plate in the reflection on this guy’s sunglasses! How convenient!”

What I can’t live with is the fact that these guys are forensic scientists. And they have to be told some of the most elementary scientific facts in order for the story line to progress.

For example, one of them receives a dose of alpha radiation. The Ditzy Blonde bullet expert says something like “Well what does that mean?”. Speed then has to explain the differences between Alpha, Beta and Gamma radiation to her (not that he does a good job of it). WHAT THE HELL. I remember this stuff back from when I was 12 years old. I can appreciate that not all audience members will know bits and pieces of basic physics but Christ, give us some credit. Make one of the CSIs explain it to a Police officer or even a child. It drives me absolutely crazy.

And if I hear a CSI say to the other for the billionth time “Oh you have a print? Run it through {what is it? AFIS? That fingerprint database})” I will strangle myself with my own socks. HE’S A CSI TOO. HE’S JUST BEEN WORKING ON GETTING THE PRINTS. YOU DON’T THINK HE KNOWS ENOUGH BY NOW TO RUN IT THROUGH THE FRICKING DATABASE? WHAT DO YOU THINK HE’S GOING TO DO? “Oh we have a viable print? Better file that away and never do anything with it. EVER.”

God damn.


December 15, 2006

Palestine: Attempt on Ismail Haniyeh

Follow-up to Palestine: Civil War Ahead? from The Story of Hamid-o

Haaretz

Hamas officials said the 24-year-old guard was shot in the head during intense gunfire from Fatah forces. “The bodyguard to Ismail Haniyeh was killed during an assassination attempt,” said Hamas spokesman Fawzi Barhoum.
/> [Haniyeh] added, “we know the party that shot directly at our cars, injuring some of the people with me… and we also know how to deal with this.”
/> About 50 gunmen greeted Haniyeh at his home in a refugee camp next to Gaza City, firing in the air and throwing candies. [What the hell?]
/> More than two dozen people, including the Haniyeh’s son, Abed, 27, were wounded in the fighting, deepening factional violence that has pushed the rival Hamas and Fatah parties closer to civil war. An official said that the son was not badly hurt.

Reading through the article, it’s not clear exactly how things started, but the end result is Haniyeh with a dead bodyguard, a half-dead son and a clear threat in the shape of “And we also know how to deal with this.”

This piles onto other recent events indicating the spiral down into a civil war, at least within Ghaza.

As with nearly any Israeli/American-written article on Palestine/Lebanone/The World these days, the evil Iranian boogeyman crops up:

The security establishment has voiced its concern over the emergence of closer ties between Hamas and Iran, as Haniyeh’s visit to Tehran this week is viewed by Israel as a possible step by them towards establish a strategic pact.

In my view the Palestinians could do a lot worse than looking to Iran for backing. The Arabs have failed them. The Europeans have been pic’ ‘n’ mix friends. The Americans have since the ‘60s been firmly aiding Israel.

The Iranians are promising ideological support (ie firm support for the creation of a Palestinian state or some bi-national state – I’m going to be deleting any comments saying Ahmadenijad wants Israel “wiped off the map”), economic support and logistical support. The Palestinians are already under severe economic sanctions and the occupation has been continuing in its brutality no matter what the Palestinians do. If the Palestinian factions stop failing the Palestinian people and embrace Iran, it is quite possible they will be able to more-effectively wage guerrilla warfare against the occupying power.


December 05, 2006

Palestine: Civil War Ahead?

The Palestinians have more-or-less managed to avoid civil war. over the past 40 years. There were always various rivalries between competing Palestinian factions, but the Palestinians have been able to stop that from fomenting into anything more than rivalry because of the united national goal and the united will of the Palestinian people (to see an end to the Israeli occupation of the West Bank and Gaza strip).

Now it’s looking increasingly as though there is set to be some form of civil war between Fatah (and which ever splinter groups or allies choose to aid it) and Hamas in the Gaza Strip.

This isn’t worrying just because of the potential violence and death that may ensue, it is also worrying because it reduces the Palestinian leadership(s) to mere monkeys dancing to an Israeli accordian.

Fatah has proven, since 1993, to be willing to comply to Israeli demands in order to gain or retain power. Hamas has proven to be equally pliant but in a different way. Time and again Hamas has predictably reacted to Israeli provocation in precisely the manner the Israeli authorities desired (for example, when Hamas would orchestrate a hudna, the Israelis would make an assassination. And if no reaction, another assassination. And then another until Hamas responded by making a strike against Israeli civilians which the Israelis would use as an excuse to escalate their violence).

And now these two monkeys are hearing the Israeli tune and dancing more ferociously than ever. They can’t see the wood for the trees? Would Palestinian Civil War be beneficial to Israel? Of course it would. Why? Well:

1) If the major Palestinian militant groups are fighting amongst themselves, they’re not going to be fighting with Israel.

2) If the Palestinians are engaged in civil war, Israel can continue to pursue its policy of the last 10 years and create de facto borders which will ultimately result in a semi-autonomous Palestinian region within an Israeli state. The Israelis won’t have to negotiate if the Palestinians can’t decide on their leadership. Negotiations completely go out the window. Palestinians destroy themselves while Israel reaps the benefits. To quote the Chinese Idiom: ”坐山观虎斗“ – Sit on a mountain and watch two tigers fight.

3) It frees the Israelis up to pursue other actions. Notably Lebanon. Israel is already making hints towards a future invasion (as though the hints at the end of the last war weren’t obvious enough) and it’s looking increasingly likely that an invasion or “intervention” will take place. .

Here’s hoping that neither Fatah nor Hamas will take the bait and launch a civil war. It would mean the ruin of hopes for a sovereign Palestine.


December 02, 2006

Videos of the Day

Writing about web page http://www.youtube.com

Today’s Theme: Transformers the Movie

I remember back in my first year at Warwick there was a video floating ‘round on DC++ of a VW Beetle-like white car parked in a nondescript location smoothly transforming into a humanoid shape complete with shield and gun. It was extremely impressive.

Then came a car advert which pretty much ripped off the aforementioned video. Bastards. (Anyone remember the advert I’m talking about?)

Now that the Transformers movie is soon to hit our screens, courtesy of Michael Bay (yay Pearl Harbour, The Island and other big-budget crap… to quote Team America “How does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?”), it seems that youtube has been hit with a load of vids created by fanboys in honour of one of the greatest ‘toons of the eighties.

1) Ultra Magnus Transformation – an excellent video. If anyone’s seen the first shot leaked on aint-it-cool-news.com (subsequently removed), you’ll see that Michael Bay has gone and Matrixified the Transformers (thank you Michael. Asshole.) This video showcases how professional and loving fanboys can be. It’s really impressive.

2) Sideswipe Transformation – the video has been slightly ruined by the attempt to dress it up as stolen footage from the movie. Still you can see how well-done it is. If this was how Michael Bay was going to be treating the movie, I could get genuinely excited.


November 30, 2006

Borat Review

CONTAINS SPOILERS

I don’t really know anyone of our generation in Britain who hasn’t appreciated at least one of Cohen’s various sketch characters, be it Ali G or Borat. I’ve always enjoyed Borat as a character and when I heard the character would be developed within the framework of an entire movie, I was excited and, at the same time, weary because all too often what works for a few minutes might not be able to stretch for 76 minutes.

And that’s both the problem and the genius of Borat; it’s basically an extended series of the same TV sketch format crammed into a terrible framing mechanism.

At first it souds promising. Borat goes to the US to make a documentary to take back home to his native Kazakhstan. But the whole Pamela subplot turns into a convenient and central plot device. I really disliked the entire thread of that part of the plot and it leads to a fair few crappy jokes (when he finds out that Pamela isn’t a virgin he gets all teary-eyed… despite his sister being “number four Prostitute in all Kazakhstan!”) but also leads to one of the best pieces of slapstick in the movie:

Borat 1
Yes that is a hairy, obese, hobbit of a man masturbating

So if we forgive Cohen for the framing and sit down and enjoy the sketches, it becomes a good film, if at times a little hit and miss. You’ve got the homosexual humour (“You mean man putting rubber fist up my anus was homosexual?”), the Anti-Semitic Humour (“These rats are very clever”), the black humour, the redneck humour – pretty much every form of prejudice is lampooned, and quite successfully, by Cohen.

It has to be said there are some moments in the film which feel completely staged and therefore lose their impact somewhat. Because what we want to see is genuine reaction from folks to the difference of Borat. One typical example is the aside in a house owned by a Yarmulke-wearing Jewish man and his good-natured wife. It gives us a couple of laughs but just feels false. But then, just a minute after that we see Cohen in a gun shop.

What is the best gun to defend from a Jew?

I would recommend either a 9mm or a 45.

Now that’s fantastic. And he delivers this kind of genuine reaction again and again. My favourite moment in the film was with the feminists.

“Listen pussycat, smile a bit.” Wonderful. Add to that the early scenes in New York (“Yeah you kiss me and I’ll pop you in the fuckin’ balls.”) Who doesn’t love New Yorkers?! A hilarious driving lesson followed by a great scene with a car salesmen and then with a weatherman make for some hilarious viewing.

The movie dips towards the end as it focuses on the Pamela-chasing plot and we see more examples of the staged scenes. During the fight with his producer, the two of them end up naked in a crowded conference room and appear to get arrested. Well how about those visas? Not sure how he would have gotten away with that if it was a case of ad libbing gone mental. The same goes for the scene with Pamela Anderson where he chases her around a bookstore before getting apprehended by police. It just niggles at the mind and that’s not the kind of mental reaction I wanted from the movie, which managed to fill parts of its potential.

So it’s definitely worth a night out and paying money for. Don’t expect to be overwhelmed by the plot and don’t expect the humour to be of a uniform quality. But do expect to enjoy it. Especially as a smug Brit marvelling at his (or her) transatlantic cousins.


November 26, 2006

Videos of the day

Today’s Theme: Schadenfreude

Jesus – “I Will Survive” – An old ‘un but a good ‘un! Still one of my favourite Youtube videos. Slightly blasphemous.

Excited Pug – A very excited dog. Animals are funny when they smack into things.

Narcoleptic Dog – Animals get it too!

Embarrassing Dad Dance

That’s what happens when you’re a dumbass


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