Favourite blogs for Half Ninja

A hint of lemon » Milly's just an shortened Millicent, which is a longer Emily

July 25, 2005

Holidays, shmolidays

Ahhh the Summer holidays years ago, close approaching an eon ago.
This was the time of kicking back, going to Steam Rallys, visiting Grandparents, and going to Oakwood in return for spending hours if not days pulling up fern.

Now the Summer holidays just mean toil, tosspots, trashed and tourists – some fateful days all combined!

Each day is pretty much the same as the past, next and other.

Is it too much to ask for a little diversity, something along the lines of
Streakers in the maze
Fit builders to oggle at (now that I've discovered I have an oggle face -damn you Shall, I was happy!)
Hector (the old lesbian couples huge feck of dog) to maul a Brownie to death
Tom snapping, flip out like a ninja at the stupid general public
The butterflies to start of mass attack on the old people in the zoo

Ahh well, day off tomorrow Rich and I are off on one of our holiday japes.


July 18, 2005

So what now then….

Iím at a loss, I really am, this Saturday something was ripped from my life and itís going to be a long wait till I can have that feeling back.

The ever continuing speculation, the questioning, the concocting of possible scenarios, the shoulds, the woulds the could bes!
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was released!

I abandoned several thrilling MSN conversations, sped towards the WHSmith in Monmouth, dealt with stupid drunk Monmouth people, like an idiot read it until my contact lenses said ďNo more fool itís 2am, work in the morningĒ.

8am rising time, in true cheeky Dave style I get in a cheeky hours pre-work read, now on chapter 13, enjoying book, go to work, have to endure 8hrs of the stupid general public when I could nay should be finishing the book.
Return home, feed, water, bathe, read, fall asleep by accident, wake, fuelled with sugar and an urge to complete the book I start once more to read, I dispair at the characters, I wince, I get more and more intrigued and all of a sudden Iím blubbing like a baby, finish book, the fear sets in.

What now….?
No longer can I justify listening to Harry Potter audio books all day and night as preparation for the next book, my desktop has to be changed (no more countdown to Half-Blood Prince), no interesting fact for the day for me to scoff at. All very upsetting
I have to find something different to fall asleep to (American Dad so far) instead of Stephen Fry or the inferior Jim Dale (Order of the Phoenix)

On a smug self- satisfied level I was right about who the Half-blood Prince was, Iím not going to say what else because I have no intention of ruining it for anyone else.
So read faster you gits I need to discuss my theories!!

In short, I liked this book very much, not a great deal of stuff happens in it, but was does is a great deal.
It's a bit long winded at the start and being a bit of a Potter freak I could see where most Voldemort history sessions were taking us, but a good warm up for the next and final installation of Harry Potter.

I'm now stuck with out anything but working in my life, I'm being a good girl so the usual holiday fun aint happening (I blame Claire, Chris and Giles disapproving looks for this), and then too poor to be having any other fun, so what is a country girl to do?


July 08, 2005

Looking for something to do?

Hello Everyone and more accurately those who are reading this

Come to Wales,

I can promise you tip top hospitality in the beautiful Wye Valley (Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty and Site of Special Scientific Interest).
With many opportunities to get drunk, go for walks, meet strange Taffs, see things you just can't in England (possibly in the Lake District but they are special there)

Also bargin admission to my places of work

If that's not enough, how about a beverage with these lovelies

Shall We're going to the beach this week, so bring your flip flops (spades and sand will be provided), also mum says "You can be adopted if you want, you'd be a happy addition to Clan Lerwyn


June 24, 2005

Man, we're sooo Baarmy!

Oh sweet mother of pearl, what the hell is going on with the world?

I think this link is just a cheap excuse to create Welsh niche porn.

It is set to become the must-have accessory for hill walkers, shepherds and farmers everywhere Ė a sheep ringtone!

Oh fantastic, yes there is nothing a farmer enjoys more than sheep freakin' bleating!

When does a sheep farmer turn into a shepherd and vice versa.


June 20, 2005

Where'd you go?

Seriously this is insane and one of the reasons why people should not do hardcore drugs.

It'll bodge up your brain, internal organs and most importantly your boobs! Cocaine is baaaaaaaaad!

Where the hell has the girl that automatically caused the "boooooob" reaction gone?

She used to be really hot (almost a Rachel Stevens, not quite, but I still would have).
But now she just looks like a coke whore, who whilst vomiting her meagre diet into a toilet caused a bottle of flash to fall on her bonce.
For goodness ever sake this girl is still 18!
Gah, itís freakiní vile, look at her arms let alone the thingy sheís hanging around with, good grief eat some food!

Could this possibly be a reaction to the medias obsession with the fact that she wasn't a skinny git? Or is it infact her attempt to join the spindle wars?
Shall and Chris what trend setters you are, unfortunately the originals you may be but the spindlest crown no longer is yours!

Although thinking about it a little more if we all got this thin Halloween Parties would be everso easy to dress up for. Although how many Skeletors or Mummys can you get away with at a party?
Also who needs a toothpick when you have a finger?


The Next Big Hit


So the ultimate in job swap TV loveliness

Rik Stein and Ray Mears, I really don't see why no-one has thought about this before. But here is my suggestion to Endemol

Give Ray a coconut, some bamboo and let him whittle his way to a Michelin Star restuarant. Whilst Rik can be dropped off in the Amazon live with the native seeing if they can tell the difference between Tesco mushrooms with organic rainforest muchrooms.

To keep the public properly happy, there would be a BBCi sweepstake on the length of time it takes for either or both to die/ have a mental breakdown.


June 14, 2005

The Taste of a Party


Kinda risky blogging this, but then again if you come and have fun that'll be ace (bring alcohol)

But yes, Good Taste Bad Taste is the name of the game.

And yes to those who can't be arsed to make an effort come in normal clothes and pretend to be a part of the beige movement or something equally lame.

For my part I will be attending as Myra Hindley (basically what I look like after Thursday anyway).

It's going to be freakin' turboly awesome, if you enjoyed the Ninja Party you'll love Friday.

P.S
This Friday as in the 17th not the 18th

P.P.S
If you're easily offended come and we'll watch you explode


My PoA

Tomorrow is what should be my Graduating Final Fling, but due to me fupping up it is likely to be my final Final Fling anyway, so Iím going to enjoy it to the max!

So in true procrastinator fashion here is my PoA for the Fling couple of days

15.06.05
06.00 – Wake up and revise a bit more
07.45 – Drive to campus
09:30 – Sit exam
10:30 – Leave exam hall
11:00 – Start EPP revision
13:30 – Meet Emily for lunch
14:30 – Return to the RLS
16:00 – Ready to go back to campus (no big gown for me)
17:15 – Leave Campus for Fling action
20:00 – Stop drinking after dinner (as if that's going to happen)

16.06.05
00:00 – Start to hallucinate again
01:45 – Give up on blokes
03:00 – Return to RLS
04:00 – Drink copious amounts of coffee
04:30 – Start revision
08:00 – Bus to campus
10:30 – End exams for hopefully won't be the last time
10:35 – Start drinking
11:00 Ė Die
17:00 Ė Come back to life and go to Compact Disco

Please feel free to come and keep me company on Thursday, or at least make sure wolves and magpies donít tear me apart/ peck my eyes out


Jooped by my exam


Medical Virology one of the more interesting modules I'm resiting this year, is now over, woo yay!.

I will have fond memories of this exam, is this because I knew all the answers and breezed through it like a fart through demin? Was it due to the exam being at a sensible time of the day? The answer to both of those is I wish that were the case .

The exam wasn't as bad as it could have been, considering the vast majority of my revision was me giggling at the diseased willys or last nights/this mornings hallucination session – my the sleepy mind does weird ass things!

But the reason I enjoyed this exam was that whenever I was starting to go Gahh, why won't you recall the information brain I got a lovely waft of Joop.

I don't know what it is about Joop, and Lynx Africa, but they do funny things to me. I was sitting in the Butterworth Hall my mind a bevy of virology know how and the sole thought travelling through my brain was mmmmm, mmmmm, man, sexy, smell mmmmm, mmmmm .

So I would like to thank the undoubtedly fit guy who was wearing Joop this morning, thank you, you have brought me back from the brink of insanity, you and your lust inducing smell.

Now looking forward to men in suits smelling fit tomorrow!


June 12, 2005

Sun Screen, it won't make you thin but it might keep you alive


Ladies, Gentlemen and those who are undecided, as the summer approaches (is it here yet, oh I don't know, the 21st of March means something I think, but pish).

As the summer approaches no doubt our TVs will be bombarded with pretty slim young things having fun japes on sunkissed beaches, being protected from the evil rays by some sun screen or other.

Lets get a few things straight about these marvellous sun stoppers:
1) You should wear a bit of sun screen all year round
2) The lotion will only protect you from a percentage of the sunbeams on your lovely bodies
3) You need to reapply during the day
4) Always put on some moisturiser after being out in the sun

These products will not:
1) Turn you into the pretty people on the adverts, if you are a fatty now you'll be a fatty with the sun screen on
2) Make it perfectly ok for you to go and lie out in the sun all day long (cancer is a git people!!)
3) Protect you anymore due to being discovered in some pretentious lab in France

Anyway the only reason you should use sun screen is stop this sort of thing happening to you!


June 11, 2005

It's not Zoophila but….

Now just to make this clear, I do not and have not ever wanted to boff a real life animal…..ever! Yes I do realise that being Welsh this might come as a bit of a suprise to some.

However saying that Simba is hot!

Were Simba a human he'd be boff-tastic, not only is he actually fit he also has the qualities of all fancible blokes.

Loving (Nala and his relationship is something I'd be everso happy to find)
Securely insecure (He has his problems and self doubt but gets on with life all the same)
Friendly (Anyone who can be friends with things which by nature they shold be eating is a good sort)
Fun (He doesn't take himself too seriously and can chill)

Right, I'm gong to stop now as this is getting a little more indepth than I wanted (or legally should) to go into my Simba lust.

In second place comes Robin Hood, then Aladdin


June 06, 2005

It's here!

I am with The Fear!

I haven't had any coffee today and I can feel my heart going like a hobo after a piece of rolling cheese (not baby bell, this is hobo with standards!)

But my questions to you all are…....

Where are all the people who were suffering from The Fear this time last year?

Are students getting more studious?

Why do the library nazis prowl in couples?

What gives them the right to scowl at me when I'm playing a game on my revision break?

How much water can I drink without bursting my bladder/other nasty experience?

Where the hell is the fit bloke who was in here a couple of weeks ago?


June 05, 2005

The Landlord, The Chav and The Digger


Picture the scene it is 10am on a Sunday morning in June, 2 days until I start my exams, 2 days before my housemates have to finish their 3rd year projects, 3rd housemate having to research company for interview.
The sun is fairly hidden behind clouds, I'm showered have munched my way through an orange, am just about to go upstairs when Jamie and I see 2 chavs walk past our living room window.

"What the fup?" is our first reaction, this is swiftly followed by "What in all that is remotely right in the world" as we notice these fellows have a decent sized digger aimed towards our house.
Our landlord would surely have infomed us if he was intending to have our lawn dug up, I mean there is that little thing I like to call The Housing Act and something which I believe is called common curiosity.

Oh wait no no no, as you may have guessed from the photo they did indeed start to dig up our garden, oh and wait a minute what's that pretty green line in the earth.
Could it possibly be our NLT cable, could it, could it? Yes yes it bloody well is!

Now, I'm only a tax dodging scrounging git of a pseudo-student not a trained driver for a piece of Plant machinery, however I'm guessing it weighs somewhere between 1530 kg and 3582 kg, and I know damn well fibre optics don't like being drove over.
Yet our clever chavs didn't seem to realise this! Oh no, so I have had to relocate my household to campus, meaning that I am now 3 hours behind schedule and unbelievably irritable (apologies to people who get samples of my wrath).

Oh yes icing on cake:
– Chav asked us for a cup of tea
– Landlord didn't give a flying fup, and didn't realise he should have told us in advance
NTL aren't picking up the phone
– Chav and landlord were laughing at us and the problem
– Chav didn't actually apologise for killing our internet connection
– Landlord and Chav laughed at the idea of us having exams and work to do

Had I the energy to cry I would!


June 02, 2005

Just so you know

Please refer to the below if I see you on campus and direct you here

How are your exams going?
Well funny you should ask, I'm sure I told you at least 3 times in the last week they don't start until the 7th June.
Yes, you were that mystified before, yes the 7th is late to start. Revision is a bit crap as people insist on talking in the freakiní library and leaving the windows open making it incredibly cold, which ultimately makes me fall asleep

How many exams do you have to do?
Well funny you should ask, I'm sure I've had this discussion with you yesterday, 11.
Yes 11 is a lot, that's right I'm resiting all the 2nd year modules. Thatís right, I fupped up last year and the death of a family member didnít cause a slip in my concentration at all.

When do they finish then?
Well funny you should ask, I'm sure I told you earlier today I finish on the 16th June.
Indeed that is the day after the Final Fling, and what's better it's at 9:30 in the morning.
Nope I'm still going to drink at the Final Fling, I got a first in it last time so I only really need to pass

What you doing when you finish?
Well funny you should ask, I'm sure you overheard me telling the last person I just talked to I'm getting lashed.
Directly after my exam I will take my sorry-still-in-Fling-outfit arse onto the piazza and get absolutely ratted, Iím doing it because I can so there!

Who you going to the Fling with then?
Well funny you should....What....eh..…who…...wait a minute…..that's not an exam orientated question, you have no right to ask such a question in week 7.
Please kindly delay all questions which are off subject for a fortnights time.
But since you asked, no-one but open to offers

Good luck to all you people doing revision, exams, dissertations, projects, and all that jazz.
To you folks who have finished whoop-te-do!


June 01, 2005

Learn From Your Elders


My Nan has only ever given me one piece of advice of the romantic variety

"Never fall for an enthusiast"

This being my Grandfather is her basis for her advice.

For your visual delights and future happiness, this is William!
William is a fully operating 6th of the normal size traction engine, and has taken 6 years to bulid from hand.

Do not fall for someone who dedicates their life to creating something that cannot possibly return the time and effort.
Traction engines are fun and everything as are stamps and other things people get fanatical about but people are what is important.

He does look cute though, bless the elderly!


May 28, 2005

Coming on your Screen

Just brilliant!

Hit the button for moments of enjoyment


May 25, 2005

Welsh Army Person


This is what it has come to!

Other attachments currently available are:
– Flick knife (Soul Nation option)
– Digital camera
– Telecommunication appliance (usual faulty)
– Revision materials (Limited edition)
– Flip out ninja mode (drunken/angered issues only)
– MD player and headphones (selection of MDs availble)

By the 16th June I hope to be a fully equipped Welsh Army Person.


May 24, 2005

Maud–ling


This is my new friend, nay life companion.

Unfortunately this year looks as if it will stop a Uni tradition right in its tracks, yes I am talking about my yearly 6 week faux fling of a relationship. Chances of it happening seem very slim now, mayhaps it's because I'm a loser on a resit without residence and therefore doesn't count as a Uni year, hmm we'll see next year I guess.

Maud is great, her emails warm my cold Welsh heart, and she will amuse me until I have the new Harry Potter (52 days)!

You too can have a new friend, here is where Maud gets her gratification, she chills at Windymore. So far she has come 10th as well as 4th, Iím quite happy with her and Iím sure sheíd whoop everyone else who tries to beat her!!

P.S

Kudos to Mr Glass for finding me my new friend, my how lonely (not in a Akon, freakin' chipmunk way mind you) my existence was beforehand


May 21, 2005

Once Round The Clock

My poor J-Reg, we've gone round the clock, no wonder it keeps falling apart.

We've been to Glastonbury and back, London and back, Leicester and back, Monmouth and back, Leamington and back, Amroth and back, Newport and nearly not back.

Jug, I salute you, you will never be the Bucket, but you've been a good little car. Here's to the next one


May 18, 2005

Oops, and there was me feeling all left out

Writing about it's about films! from Tilting At Windmills

the last film i saw at the cinemaÖ was Robots I believe, in Newport with Melly and fup loads of sugar, man I dig sugar!.

last film i watched otherwiseÖ About A Boy, but not all of it as of it as Shall and I went to watch Snarf et al at The Well (on a side note, donít drink their lemonade, itís shit!!)

films i'm looking forward to seeingÖ Star Wars, League of Gentlemen (yummy Reece), Willy Wonka (yummy Johnny), Team America (yes you bastards I still havenít been able to watch it and oh how you gits quote it at me). Then in a stick and twisted way Harry Potter Goblet of Fire, but really only so I can go ďThis is shit compared to the bookĒ and sit about with knowledgeable Harry Potter fans and show how well we know the book and where the film went wrong, also Jarvis Cocker is in it!

total number of films i ownÖ Since the bastards stole all my videos from Jack Martin in the first year my film collection has shrunk to about 20 (varying from The Lion King to King Lear)

five films that mean something to meÖ The Lion King, Rogue Trader (Mel and my drunk film, weíve never seen it all, damned passing out) Bridget Jonesí Diary, Lonesome Dove, One Flew Over the Cuckooís Nest

honourable mentionsÖ.Braindead (Peter Jackson before he sold his soul), Velvet Goldmine, Mean Girls (BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBS, Shall gets my meaning!)

passing the batonÖto the man in my head oh yes and all the Cs Casper, Claire and Carly, and the most important T Tal