October 29, 2005

My House

So it's not the greatest house in the world ever. So what? Today, in a rash outbreak of positivity, I have been considering just what it is that makes this house that I live in not so bad after all.

Overactive freezer It generates more ice than a freezer really should but this is great news. We can replenish the diminishing icecaps of the Arctic with the ice I cull from my freezer on an almost daily basis. We can create great ice sculptures and make Leamington a pretty and slightly etheral place. We can treat my nasty shin injury which I acquired this afternoon with soothing icepacks.

Shower The head won't work if you leave it on the wall, it just sprays over everything in the bathroom except me. So I have to remove it to shower. But this encourages action. No more standing inert under a rush a hot joy. Instead you have to hold it and this means those rock and roll moments of singing in the shower are accompanied by realistic microphone action! Live the dream.

Damp Damp is horrible when it's cold. But if you turn the heating on then it becomes nice and warm and reminds you of those balmy summer nights when you ran, carefree, through the streets of [insert exotic summer destination here] whilst laughing at your escapades. The damp will also nourish your houseplants so you can neglect them as much as you like, they'll still survive.

Sofa The best way to live with a skanky stained sofa is to put a cover on it. But you're a student and it's not worth it to buy covers for a house you'll spend no time in. So throw your clothes on it. It satisfies the need to throw clothes everywhere whilst also being a worthwhile and visually pleasant action.

Dodgy looking gas fire of doom Don't use gas. Save money.

Hideous raised wallpaper that's been painted over in a variety of non-matching blues Yeah, there's no redeeming that. Call it a conversation piece and start saving for when you need a real home.

Enjoy student housing.


- 3 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

  1. I'm sure living there is very character building, or something.

    29 Oct 2005, 05:28

  2. Having lived in student accommodation for 6 weeks, the mere thought of a working radiator* sends me into wild excitement :)

    *or a tumble-dryer, or an actual toilet seat, etc.

    30 Oct 2005, 16:46

  3. We nearlly managed to blow up our house the other day because of a defective gas cooker- oh happy days. The small of gas also managed to gag me (and for once shut me up, so i suppose there's a bright side to everything).

    30 Oct 2005, 17:38


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