December 08, 2004

In Car Entertainment

In one of the few moments me and my brother have actually spent together seince I got home, over a week and a half ago, we remembered the games we used to play in the car during the many long, tedious car journeys our parents subjected us to. This was their own fault as they moved from London to Cheshire when I was four, forgetting that this would mean that we'd have to trek back to the Big Smog regularly to see old friends, relatives and godparents. 3 1/2 hours in the car. Both ways. So games were needed. Maybe you would like to play along too…

What Did You Say?

For this game the ideal number of children under the age of 16 required is 3.

Find a song. This song must contain a rude word roughly half to three quarters of the way through. A song with lots of rude words like Super Furry Animals' 'The Man Don't Give A Fuck' are no good. The song must have one in the latter half of the song. For some reason Catatonia's 'She's A Millionaire' is perfect.

Familiarise the parents with the song. Play them the album a few times (although beware that 'She's A Millionaire's album 'Equally Cursed And Blessed' is a bit lame). Make sure they know there's a naughty word to be had but don't let on that you know it's there. They'll think you don't know. This is how my parents justified playing the Pogues to me from a young age. It's also where I got my foul mouth from.

When the parents are familiar then you can play What Did You Say? Start the song and all the children under 16 must sing along. In time and with no variation, no Mariah Carey style vocal aerobics and no cracking up at what's gonna happen. Eventually you will reach the line with the naughty word ("The ad begs buy bottled water but we know that it tastes of piss"). Sing the line but don't sing the naughty word. Continue singing afterwards. You get 10 points if a parents says "What did you say?" You get 20 points if you can reply "Nothing but the tape said "piss"" without getting told off. Repeat with other songs.

The Bryan Adams Bone Game

An acapella game this. Simply sing a song by weirdly popular Canadian song meister Bryan "I gargle gravel to sound like this" Adams, but randomly stop half way through to shout the word "bone" repeatedly at the top of your voice and in time with the other players for a few seconds before returning to singing hits like 'Summer of 69', ''Everything I Do' and 'Cloud Number BONE BONE BONE BONE BONE BONE Nine'.

The Bohemian Rhapsody Game

How many times can you sing Bohemian Rhapsody acapella before the parents tell you to stop? Ours quite like the song so it can take up for six or seven. Try and work in clever vocal arrangements on the "Galileo" bits. You must immediately stop the game if a parent joins in.

The Middle Seat Belt Game

Best played if you are one of two siblings. Simply the winner is whoever batters the other into submission using the unused middle seat belt. This was quite difficult in my early years as my mum's first car was a Hyundai Pony which had no back seat belts at all and was therefore slightly illegal. And crap.


A recent game this as I have not studied French since I was 14 (six years ago) and my brother has done an equally good job of forgetting what he learned up to two years ago when he did the sensible thing and quit.

All you have to do is say things in French until someone can't remember any more French. At which point you must make stuff up. Useful phrases include "Ou est la guerre?" "Je suis unpetit-déjeuner" and "J'habite dans un pomme de terre". My brother and his friends can play a fun variation on this game called Spanish but unfortunately my enjoyment of this is ruined by my fluency in Spanish. Es muy triste.

Family Argument

Start an argument with a member of your family. See how many of the other members can be persuaded to join in. See how many sides can be formed. Everytime a resolution appears to have been reached start a new argument. Or a game of Eye Spy.

I Want A Weewee

A popular one. How many times can you persuade your parents to stop on the M6 whist you go to the toilet? Warning: Do not indulge in method acting for this role. If you parents are like mine and won't stop even if you geniunely do need the toilet and have been holding it since Manchester (and it's now Watford) then you may be in for an uncomfortable ride.

There is a variation on this called I Want A Poopoo but that's immature and vulgar and would only be played by someone who went to Coventry University. And do you go there? Do you? Eh? Eh?

I hope these games keep you entertained.

- 13 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. Me and my friends back home use one and only one French phrase: "Je suis le boef de la mere".

    08 Dec 2004, 00:11

  2. chris

    Randomly came across your blog (now now..don't be crude) – and may I say a big thank you for sharing with us the games – espescially the Bryan Adams Bone game and the middle seat belt game.

    Oh, and can I reassure you that even now, if a car isn't fitted with seat belts, then its NOT illegal to not be wearing one – you only need wear one when fitted. However – all cars made after about 1987 should have rear seat belts, and most "classic" cars that had no belts at all can easily have ones installed.

    08 Dec 2004, 08:56

  3. chris

    Variation on a theme – the "I need to be sick" game, best played on a warm summers day when the stench of vomit would be totally overwhelming, thereby forcing the parents to stop…allowing you to buy sweeties / chocolate!!!

    08 Dec 2004, 08:58

  4. Holly, it would appear that I am not the only person who reads your blogs…sob. I saved them all up for today when I could resist no longer. They have made me smile as I wade my way through my term 1 report (the agony) with a brain full of cotton wool – it would appear that your lovely (no, really) housemate:Boz has given me an early Christmas present. Glandular fever. Rock.

    08 Dec 2004, 13:25

  5. Oh, and by the by, "Yellow Car" is the best car game. Allowing much punching of passengers. Even when you personally are the driver.

    08 Dec 2004, 13:26

  6. Here's the only German I need:

    Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! … Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

    08 Dec 2004, 16:16

  7. Mike

    I was walking down the road in a quiet mood with Boz the other day, when she randomly shoved me. It was annoying, but I didn't want to just start a play fight. I wished there was a yellow car around so I could punch her. I looked around. A yellow sports car drove past. I punched her. Considering it was she who'd taught me that game at the beginning of term, (and the unlikelyhood,) the feeling of satisfaction was immense. :D

    09 Dec 2004, 00:44

  8. It's good to see my friends and housemates are still inflciting random violence upon each other even in my absence.

    09 Dec 2004, 01:18

  9. "Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer?"...

    Michael, how many German-speaking people have you just killed? It's lucky mine's a bit rusty otherwise I'd be in intensive care at least!

    (With apologies to non-Python fans and to Holly for blog-hijacking).

    09 Dec 2004, 02:06

  10. S'alright, I'm enjoying the chance to learn some German… I think.

    09 Dec 2004, 10:53

  11. chris

    hmmm…good job I don't speak German – your jokes don't harm me, I'm English and therefore have no need for your language. (not my opinion, just a passing comment on the state of society when it comes to forgetting languages rather than learning them!)

    10 Dec 2004, 10:45

  12. I've just remembered another in car game which is fun but seasonal. Snow ball fights! On one particularly snowy day last January we found the car we were going home in (from Cryfield to Westwood) was covered in snow. We also found that the snow made road travel impossible slow, it took us 45 minutes to get to Woowoo from Croofoo. However as it was so slow, the snoiw didn't get a chance to fall off the car, so we wound the windows down, collected it and pelted other road users. Eventually the driver got annoyed and wound the windows up. So we dosposed of the snow we had left by pelting her and each other. So very very wrong.

    10 Dec 2004, 12:17

  13. Niamh

    er you dont have to wait to see a yellow car to hit boz, i love to just give her a healthy punch eveyr now and again when she is being annoying, which i may add is a lot. and if she starts the stupid "yellow car" game then i like to play my own alternative to this game which is called "any car".. which means i usually get to hit her repeatedly. wooohoo!

    10 Dec 2004, 16:41

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