April 20, 2006

General Cultural And "Are You Awake?" Studies Practise Exam Paper

General Culture And "Are You Awake?" Studies

Time allowed: 3 hours, plus 15 minutes reading time during which notes may be made (on no more than three sides of the paper unless you occupy more than four interspatial dimensions in which case consult with your youngest cousin before proceeding) but NO ANSWERS MAY BE BEGUN UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN GOOD

Answer one question from section A, two from B and as many as you can be arsed from C.

Read carefully the instructions on the answer book and make sure that the particulars required are entered on each answer book. Failure to do so will result in instant death.

Do not substantially repeat material from assessed essays and yes we do check. Or do we? You gonna risk it?

Section A

1. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have just given birth to Suri. Holly Cruise grew up in Holmes Chapel after moving from London which borders Surrey. Write some long winded bollocks about how irritated Holly must feel by all the attention she is currently getting as a result of Tom (no relation).

2. Why is Channel 4 not working properly when the only programme on TV these days that I watch is on Channel 4? Remember to include reference to how ace Green Wing is in your answer.

3. Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. But who else? And why?

4. Discuss the moral economy of trying to get as many song lyrics into exam answers as possible. (Marks will be deducted for any uncredited song lyrics.)

5. Why didn't you revise more modules? You said you were going to but you just had to go to Top B and find out who's playing the Final Fling, even though it won't matter as you're a finalist and you'll go anyway because you've been to enough Scores where there have been shitty 1990s no-mark groups which you hated the first time but you still attended anyway because a) you were drunk and that's what drunk people do and b) on you first day you joined a sports team and haven't actually managed to say no to them once in the last two and three-quarter years. (You may use a dictionary for this one)

Section B

ANSWER TWO OF THESE GOBBETS

1. ""Swing it, shake it, move it, make it/Who do you think you are?"

2. "You're only meant to blow the bleeding doors off"

3. "Man makes his own history but he does not do so in circumstances of his own choosing"

4. "HC1 Claim for help with health costs"

5. Dogger, Fisher, Tyne"

6. "You have reached the O2 answering service"

7. "Store in a cool, dry place"

8. "Collected
The Best of Massive Attack
On Sale 27th March"

Section C

Write about something nice.


- 7 comments by 2 or more people Not publicly viewable

[Skip to the latest comment]
  1. Lucy Griffiths

    Brilliant entry Holly, it made my otherwise dull morning funny!

    20 Apr 2006, 08:22

  2. thank you for that cruise. glad to see you got home alright. i reached rootes at four am – got up for my nine and GUESS WHAT? cancelled. dies in a little heap

    20 Apr 2006, 09:35

  3. SECTION A

    Channel 4 not working properly?!?! NOOOOOOOO, my beloved friends and Simpsons reruns that I've seen about 13752987402 times! Passes out

    Comes round, 2 mins remaining

    SECTION B

    1. I am me

    6. Hello, this is O2, we are pleased to see that you are another customer of our network that hasn't changed your voice mail answer phone message. We would also like to congratulate again on being right about the contract you required.

    SECTION C

    Love you Holly!!

    20 Apr 2006, 09:48

  4. SECTION A
    3. Me? (cf. Qu. A1)

    *spends 35 minutes writing out details on cover of new answer book.*
    SECTION B

    2. Question inaccuracy: should read, "You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!". Scene then cuts to the Minis practicing driving on two wheels by launching off wooden ramps set up on a racing circuit.

    5. German Bight?

    6. for... telephone number: zero. sev-en, eight;four -five.
    Nine.
    Nine.
    Eightthreetwo. Please leave a message after the tone, or switch to Vodafone if you support ManU.

    SECTION C

    1. Holly Cruise you're a star. Must catch up soon.

    The subjects and arguments raised in this answer script are worthy of good grades. Any similarity to actual assessed essays, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

    20 Apr 2006, 14:39

  5. Michelle

    Lovin your work

    20 Apr 2006, 17:29

  6. Jenny

    You are a genius. Respec'

    20 Apr 2006, 23:28

  7. Elspeth

    HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA. Lovely

    23 Apr 2006, 11:27


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