I noticed the other week that the shiny new toilet at work has a most peculiar sign on the door.
“Lift handle to lock – Depress handle to open door.”
The use of ‘depress’ amused me greatly. Whilst technically a perfectly sound use of the word, it did seem like a rather odd turn of phrase. How does one ‘depress’ a handle? If the handle cannot be ‘depressed’ will one be stuck forever in the loo? Especially galling if one only wants a number one.
What does it take to depress a door handle? Are they depressed by the same things humans are?
The handle does not find it depressing. This is probably because door handles have very little concept of time and find the human neuroses about aging most incomprehensible. Also chances are this door handle is in fact from the 00s so finds these 90s freshers most ancient.
So in conclusion, you cannot depress a door handle with talk of relative human ages. And thus one remains trapped in the loo.