Deck The Halls With Bows Of…
Dear Santy Claws,
I have been a very unhinged and emotional girl this year (please read elsewhere in this blog cos I ain't typing it out again) but I have also been a (relatively) good girl. For Christmas I would like you and Rudolph and Donna and Blitzen and Barry and Rigoberto and the other reindeer to bring me:
New Knees Cos I damaged my old ones playing football and I'd had them for ages anyway and I want some new ones cos the Nike Knees 2005 look so cool and I want them in Pale Irish colour to match the rest of my legs.
A Zane Lowe Filter When I'm at work I like to listen to Radio 1 in the evening. They play good songs. But the DJ is very annoying. Please can I have a Zane Lowe Filter so I don't have to put up with him when I'm listening to good songs.
Jen and Jimmy's Greatest Hits 27 1/2 classic tunes and one unnecessary cover of 'House Of The Rising Sun' with a Euro-Disco beat backing track.
A Microwave We need one in our house. As it is we are risking death whenever we reheat food in the oven. Except the vegetarians in the house who only eat stuff which doesn't give you food poisoning.
The List by Sam Boulby Everyone else on the train was reading it and I was feeling illiterate and left out with my copy of 'War and Peace'. I would like the hardback edition so I know I am replacing 'War and Peace' with another book which can be used as a weapon if needs be.
Smaller Feet Size 7 please.
A Nodding Dan These are cool. You put one in your car and he nods up and down and comments on everything instantly! They are cool.
Some Edam I like cheese.
The Other Other Other Natalie Oh come on, I know everyone wants one and they're all selling out (to mysterious guys with goatees it seems) but pleeeeeeeeeeeease can I get one? Everyone would be dead jealous… and I'll be responsible cos an Other Other Other natalie is for life not just for xmas.
A Laser Gun Replacement for my left hand Actually I don't want that but my brain does. Stupid brain…
Thank you Santy and if there's anything I have forgotten I will ask for it from my friends who are real and not just myths based on old saints from years and years ago. Except Niamh who is fictional.
Holly Crooooooz (aged 20 and a bit)