All entries for Tuesday 10 February 2009

February 10, 2009

The Ministerial Excuse Machine

I’d like to introduce everyone to my latest invention – The Ministerial Excuse Machine. As we are staring down a collapsing Labour government, and the very real possibility of a Tory one to follow, the MEM is necessary as never before. This marvellous machine takes stories which could make government ministers feel uncomfortable, and puts understandable, even positive, spins in them. Please remember the MEM is not yet completely ready for widespread use, and may contain some teething problems.

The Ministerial Excuse Machine is non-party aligned, and will generate stories for ministers whether completely useless or outright lying bastards. This means it is approved for both Labour and Tory use, respectively.

The Ministerial Excuse Machine vs Jacqui Smith’s multiple houses

The MEM has issued the following statement.

In light of the recent occupation of Harriet Harmperson’s roof by Fathers 4 Justice we are pleased to announce that Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has taken proactive steps to avoid this sort of protest from disrupting her as she works to make life better in this country.

By claiming expenses for a second house whilst living with her sister, Smith has bamboozled the Fathers 4 Justice protestors, and their fetching spandex superhero suits, by offering herself the choice of being in two different places. This method, known as Schroedinger’s Minister, will ensure that where ever Smith is, she is not being disturbed by protestors of any hue, and can therefore operate more efficiently, and in a more value for money style, than if she were being constantly distracted by 40 something men dressed as Batman.

We wish Jacqui Smith all the best in the future, where ever she may be.

Mmm, the MEM needs some work, but is clearly a useful invention with which I shall make my fortune.


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