All entries for Sunday 05 February 2006
February 05, 2006
I just want to thank everyone who didn't vote for me and those who ensured that I was not elected to any position of power, importance or relevance. I will use my non-term of office to do unconstructive, inane and generally selfish things to the benefit, and indeed detriment, of no one.
The next twelve months hold many challenges, controversies and highlights with which I will have bugger all to do with. This has been down to you the voters modtly, with your overarching indifference and sanctimonious mockery of my non-existent desire for power. Thanks also to the following people for their help in this campaign:
– Alan Milburn for showing me that even members of power mad New Labour can occasionally listen to the internal indifference and quit for no apparent reason.
– Paula Radcliffe for showing that even talented, brilliant and wonderful people sometimes quit for no apparent reason, albeit in warmer conditions than the icebox that is currently masquerading as the West Midlands.
– Edward VIII for showing that even royalty, born and bred into a role for centuries, can quit because they want to bone an unsuitable yank. I don't actually want to bone any unsuitable yanks though. It's more the born and bred thing that's relevant.
– Fawlty Towers for quitting after two series and leaving us in a world where endless repeats of Friends are slowly rotting our brains until we all drool our way through life wondering why no one ever remarked upon the fact that the better the character the less screen time they got. And why does RAG's quiz always have a Friends round when I'm there? Are they deliberately saying "here Cruise, have a toilet break"?
– Colin, Steve and Roger for ensuring that I had too many essays, too much seminar reading and over £3000 riding on my exam results which resulted in me having the perfect excuse for not running, i.e. I had no time.
– All of UWWFC but espceially Els, Niamh and Boz for being completely not arsed by all this politics and infecting me with their rampaging lethargy, apathy and alcoholism… maybe not the latter on reflection.
So now have fun with your new officers and remember – No Cruise, you lose… I think we're all losers in some way.
Hollyzone is heading off to Paris now so suck on my absence you plebs!