All entries for Sunday 03 April 2005
April 03, 2005
This is for three people, each of whom knows who they are…
The First Person
You whinge at me and I whinge at you, and then we both apologise even though we don't need to. I don't think it would be the same without our little melodramas played out constantly in each other's ear. The only reason we do is because we know each other well enough to know that we don't mind. For all those things you do which I would do myself and for all those things I would never do in a million years.
So you're worried about your future. Don't. Just don't go too far away or I will have to hunt you down with a spoon. If the worst comes to the worst we'll be perennial students forever. You don't eat very much and I don't drink very much so we can afford the rent between us, and we can find ways to pay our fees, I know we can, even if we do have to sell your body.
Just stop trying to give your laptop a drink, ok? They don't like water.
The Second Person
Yeah, it's funny how our lives run concurrently like little disasters. I never thought I'd actually meet someone who could match me, gripe for gripe. Ok, you've got the slightly better excuse of being a nice guy, a gentleman, whereas I'm just a gobby slob with no common sense, but we self deprecate together so well. Trust me, things will get better and if you need someone to live with, pay the rent and clatter round your house at 3am form insomnia then I may need a home in the future.
Get your arse back here soon so we can argue about Radiohead some more.
The Third Person
How ironic that it took something so unexpected, and perfectly poised to ruin everything, to finally get us to open up. It's always been an unspoken agreement, I felt, that we would do anything for each other. Sadly until now I guess we've both been too stubborn to say it. I know you would stop if I was hurt by this but I'm not. I'm being myself as usual, unpredictable and moody. Sound familiar? I think the difference between us is that you don't try to hide your feelings when they are negative, I do. This is why I self destruct so quietly.
Tonight was the way things should be and will be. I've been an arse recently and I can see that, everyone can. But I know you understand why. I know you don't care and just want me to be happy. Things don't always happen as we expect them to.
And yes I am a hypocrit. But I won't listen to anyone but myself. Give me time. And just do things the way you think is right. It's the only way we can all win.
This entry is not designed to mean anything to those who aren't mentioned in it. Maybe I'll blog a funny soon. For now, I'm blogging what I've said because it needs to be recorded and accessible. Everyone deserves to be able to see the truth written down once in a while.