Attempt No. 3
Follow-up to Personal Statement – Second Draft from Garden, House, Walking, Other...
Again comments gratefully recieved, particularly if they help me reduce it a little bit as it's a couple of lines over what it needs to be. Thanks with all the help so far by the way – I'm very lucky to have your collective brain!
I am a motivated individual who wishes to share a love of science with others. Through teaching I can achieve this whilst enjoying a range of interactions with different people. I am not the type of person who would be happy in an office job, and the varied nature of teaching consequently holds real appeal to me. Working with teenagers can be a very challenging experience, but these difficulties can make the job far more interesting, there are never two lessons the same. I have always enjoyed acting and telling stories, and believe that these are skills which can be used productively throughout the education system, not just at primary level or in the arts, to inspire students. In teaching you are giving a performance, with the aim of achieving the best learning experience for the students, from interesting presentation of material to tackling behavioural issues.
There is a great need for young people to be inspired in physics and to show that the difficulties associated with the subject, are worth coming to grips with for the insights they can bring. One of the big hurdles to overcome here is linking what may seem to be an abstract subject with the real world. In order to improve my skills and knowledge for this task I have taken a number of modules in my degree which concentrate on the communication of scientific ideas. In order to broaden my insight into how science interacts with other disciplines I have taken a module on the History of Medicine, and I hope to be taking a Philosophy of Science module.
In my gap year before coming to university I took two fantastic opportunities to broaden my experiences of education. I taught English in Nepal for four months, during which time I developed my classroom management skills. My classes contained up to 55 students, showing the importance of behaviour management in facilitating learning. I was fortunate to have some great students, who, despite not always being on their best behaviour, were a joy to teach. I discovered the importance (and tedium) of marking, and the difficulties of catering to mixed ability classes. The limited range of resources that were available meant that I had to use my creativity in producing teaching materials from sources that were readily available, such as tourist literature.
In my time as a science technician I experienced more of the non-classroom aspects of teaching, particularly the amount of paperwork and administration required. I developed an awareness of the value of working with support staff, now even more important due to the workload agreement, and the importance of a supportive staffroom environment. In addition to preparing experiments and carrying out administrative duties, I accompanied school trips giving me an opportunity to lead small groups of students. I also taught a GCSE physics revision session in partnership with a member of the teaching staff, giving me a chance to experiment with some of the ICT facilities in the school.
Mathew Mannion
thumbs up
09 Sep 2005, 11:17
I'd hire you.
09 Sep 2005, 11:28
Time for Simon to be überpedantic here, in the nicest possible way! Save for tiny quibbles it looks all finished and polished and done :-)
holds real appeal for me (or 'strongly appeals to me')
(should really be a semi-colon rather than another comma)
I'd be tempted to use the third person if it doesn't sound too archaic, i.e. in teaching (or 'when teaching'?) one is giving a performance
inspired by physics. In the same sentence I'd replace 'coming to grips with' with 'overcoming' and lose the comma; additionally, is it 'the insights they (the difficulties) can bring' or 'the insights it (the subject) can bring'?
If you can fit the words in, mention Warwick (pretigious uni and all that) near the end of the second paragraph just to remind them you're hot stuff! In fact, to that end, you might want to put 'with previous teaching experience' into the very first sentence.
Saying 'I created two fantastic opportunities' isn't quite accurate, but use a different verb to show yourself as having been active in the process of getting teaching experience
This is really nit-picking now, but I'd try and go for a more active verb here too: something like 'enabling me to experience first-hand the importance…'
The limited range of resources that was available (or The limited resources that were available)
'...at a (type of school, or just 'secondary' if you don't want to be more specific) school in London…' ?
Très bien m'dear!
09 Sep 2005, 12:16
granger
hmmnn… nothing about mark.
it needs something about mark.
09 Sep 2005, 12:32
I don't think that the Institute of Education actually know Mark. Thanks for the comments Simon, I knew there'd be someone pedantic enough to see all the little mistakes somewhere around here! As to your last point, I also have a section on work experience which will list the details of the school I worked in, so I can save space here by not giving full detail!
09 Sep 2005, 13:05
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