All entries for Sunday 12 March 2006

March 12, 2006

Unexpected Events

Well, I don’t really know how to start this entry. Basically, my housemates have just moved out! This is a rather unexpected development, to say the least…I knew one of them would probably go soon, as he recently found a job in London, but I did not foresee that my other housemate would join him, as allegedly she has a PhD to complete. It also didn’t help that I was given about a week and a half’s notice that they were leaving, making things all rather sudden. Supposedly someone else will be moving in soon to replace them, but I don’t actually know who. Possibly someone Chinese, or possibly someone Greek. But there seems to be some doubt about this.

Perhaps related to the moving out (or perhaps not, as my housemates cannot always be relied upon to act in a rational manner), my housemate bought a car last weekend. A man brought it over on Sunday morning for them to check it over, and my opinion was sought on the matter, since I obviously have an immense and detailed knowledge of all motor vehicles. I helpfully confirmed that the car in question had 4 wheels, and the sale went ahead. It’s a ford fiesta and it’s green – beyond that I cannot really add much. Whether my housemate can actually legally drive it is open to debate. My other housemate seemed quite traumatised after an maiden voyage to TESCO on Saturday – which, considering that TESCO is under 5 minutes walk from the house, is saying something – and upon searching interrogation from me, it transpired that he has only ever driven a car with manual gears a couple of times before, and is used to driving an automatic. Anyway, in spite of these minor concerns, car plus housemates reversed out of the drive yesterday, an operation skilfully completed in less than 10 minutes. They were last spotted weaving uncertainly between two lanes of the dual carriageway outside the house, and are hopefully now safely in London (although, considering that my other housemate was navigating, they could conceivably be anywhere).

Following the departure of my housemates, I have been granted formal custody of the hamster. This was a slightly delicate issue, for although I have assumed de facto responsibility for the hamster’s nutritional requirements, personal hygiene and psychological welfare over the past 6 months it does technically belong to my housemates. Luckily, a carefully thought-out diplomatic strategy based on meaningful hints, calculated silence and emotional blackmail, coupled with the general disinterest of my housemates, secured me ownership of little Jacqueline, who I can currently see squirming about in her nest. In order to celebrate this important acquisition, I went on an excursion to the pet shop yesterday in search of hamster treats. I came away with some chocolate drops, some strawberry blobs and a contraption that calls itself a ‘chube’, a cunning combination of the words ‘chew’ and ‘tube’ which it must have taken the people in the hamster accessory business days to devise. The ‘chube’, as its name suggests, is basically a tube made of cardboard and filled with cotton wool. The hamster can sleep in it and, should it wake up and feel peckish, it can nibble one of the ends – a truly ingenious design of which the hamster seems to approve.

Since my housemates left I have been engaged in some deeply intellectual tasks, which this morning included reprogramming in my video with my own TV (my housemates having taken the old one with them) considering changing the hoover bag before thinking better of it, and watching the Bahrain grand prix. This afternoon I decided, it turned out unwisely, to clean the freezer. This revealed some putrefying lumps of fish (well, I thought they were putrefying, but they may possibly have been a delicacy), some non-descript chunks of meat and, most alarmingly of all, what appeared to be an entire squid, with tentacles dangling out of one end. Needless to say I shall not be brewing it up for my dinner, although if anyone would like some decaying pieces of seafood then they would be more than welcome to have them – please note, however, that you do so at your own risk, and that I accept no responsibility to any diseases that may thereby be contracted.

March 2006

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