All entries for November 2005

November 29, 2005

an excerpt from a conversation between a cat, ray, and his mother

Writing about web page

MOM: Raymond, can you hear me? Are you drinking?

RAY: No, mom! No drinking here!

MOM: Is that Coca Cola, then? You always did drink Coca Cola a bit too fast. It will rot your teeth, Raymond.

RAY: It's diet, mom! It's diet! [places hand over phone and vomits tiny piece of calamari that has a huge piece of dried chili pepper flake stuck to it] [slaps chest twice] So how you been!

MOM: Are you okay?

RAY: Yeah, mom! But how YOU doin'?

MOM: I've left you seven messages, Raymond!

RAY: Aww, mom! We gon' talk about that or are we gonna talk?

MOM: I just don't see why you can't call your mother back.

RAY: I am callin' you back! Right now!

MOM: Why didn't you return my calls?

RAY: I am, right now!

MOM: I called you seven times!

RAY: And I'm returning those calls!

MOM: I don't see why you can't call your mother back.


MOM: I just wish you'd call me back, is all.

RAY: Well, maybe I'll call you sometime!

MOM: Raymond! Did you just sass me?

RAY: No, mom.

MOM: Good.

RAY: Sorry, mom.

MOM: Good boy, Raymond.

November 25, 2005

nizlopi: only with a JCB and bruce lee's nunchukas

Writing about web page

so! i don't often ask much of you. click the link above. read my words. then, follow those links and save christmas. SAVE CHRISTMAS, WON'T YOU? think of the children who are just conscious of what christmas number one is and means. do you want to give them G4, or some x factor airbrushed trollop? no. you want to give them NIZLOPI.

in other news, skills are large and in effect, hangover fair to mild, work not done, mind not whole, feet cold, fact exploding with redness, general outlook average.

so, if you want to change my world from average to good, bring your precious four pounds to the shop and buy that single. for my wellbeing, and for the kids.

edit: oh yeah, and if you like the song, blog about it and track me back. we can use warwick blogs' google power to spread the love, too. technology!

November 13, 2005

twitchy fit

i'm going to have a twitchy fit.

why, you ask?

because everything's annoying me. my clothes. my house. my room. the mess. my bed. my face. i want to get to campus and pay for my mighty boosh ticket and then go into stasis until february 12th and pop out, fresh as a daisy, in the front row of butterworth hall.

i went to see kiss kiss bang bang with tom on saturday night, and it was very funny, stylish, and generally cool, with a good line in narration and pretty nightclub settings. it's worth your fiver. oh! and you know how the apollo has done various degrees of sucking every time i go there, somehow? well, the picture actually stopped working during the film. pardon me, but that's the crowning suck.

as a final word: image leeching, kids. don't do it. get your own hosting. it's not cool.

urgh. more essay to write. suffering from the terrible affliction of enjoying a subject, being able to write about it, but not actually writing things that are good. i swear, i need a decent mark for this essay to reflect how much i love groucho marx.

November 09, 2005

i think i may cry a tear of pure coal

… my face is screwed up so tight with excitement.


the mighty boosh are playing warwick arts centre.



November 01, 2005

things ain't what they used to be.

Writing about web page

i was – am – idly surfing the net in a funk of hungover blues (the kind which start with 'oh god i'm never going to drink again, shit, where's my watch – my rings – my trousers; bollocks' and end with 'this is my final and ultimate truth: i am a horrible human being and should probably just get the next train out of here, change my name and live in a cave, but i am so worthless that i cannot go further than three feet before i stumble over a pile of clothes which i left on the floor because I SUCK'), when i remembered the simple joy of boneheaded scientific experimentation.

thus, friends, did my mind turn to the glory days of thespark. people like okcupid just fine, and students worldwide offer thanks to the internet gods for sparknotes in their moments of sweaty, shaking-like-a-shitting-dog pre-exam/essay panic - but since the demise of thespark itself, websites without an essential purpose have generally gone downhill. what other site could just be with such grace and wit as thespark did?

so! for those of you who were perhaps not privy to the wonder that was this collection of half-arsed ideas and amusing uses of clipart, i present the current resting places of as many of the articles as i can remember:

you should probably start with stinkymeat. this was followed of course by stinkyfeet, proving that the best kind of science is the kind that rhymes. most of the other projects are also available there. have i forgotten any? i fear so. oh, and the tests are variously available at okcupid and sparknotes.

it's kind of cute that there's internet nostalgia which isn't just about who was online the earliest and weren't BBS groups better than this shit and oh my god, yes i did so join before you. fuckers.

November 2005

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