All entries for May 2005

May 30, 2005

Doing that Thing

email me your address. i have something for you.

hanchan wing gmail wong com

May 29, 2005

the question currently plaguing me most:

could i use a p-mate? a cardboard doodad which enables women to pee standing up? could i bring myself to try it – and in a urinal? there is a minefield if ever there was one. ho yes.

[for clarification, for those of you who have never investigated the possibility of the female-standing-up-piss, i give you the p-mate - ed]

May 26, 2005


dreams of weird follow my soupy brain into sleep. the covent garden soup company have made soup inspired by the soup dragon, i believe it's pea and mint flavour. i'm tempted, purely for the clanger connection.

i'm late to start the day. i kept trying to wake up, but the threads of a nasty dream in which my entire extended family was occupying my house [including rick, and dick and dom] are still hanging from my ears, their fluffy bubbles popped and gone.

cut away the sleep! bring on the day!

May 24, 2005

have you ever really looked at an eye?

it's time to put away your doubt
_put away your blues_
wake up in the morning
_tear up the news_
go on and slap yourself
_it's been too long_
put on that motown record
_stop thinking you're wrong_

worry - nizlopi

i should go and see nizlopi tonight, but the volume of work i have has suddenly realised itself whole in my mind, and it was akin to waking up under a dusty pile of bricks. i'm shaking them off.

i had a dream about resurrecting dead babies. i dressed mine up and put on her sun hat and cuddled her until she came to, saying 'come on my love, it's your last day, come on little sweetie'.

May 18, 2005

a controversy

okay, i have found out what the best song in all history is. bear with me, we're going on an incredible journey here. as bill hicks said when impersonating the grateful dead, open your mind real wide, now...

it's the theme tune to the children's cartoon called arthur.

just think about that for a moment.

and i said hey! it's a wonderful kind of day...

i am right.

May 17, 2005

it's about films!

Writing about an entry you don't have permission to view

i take up the baton.

the last film i saw at the cinema… was hitchhikers. i liked it very much. i want the knitted figures.

last film i watched otherwise… was, sadly, jersey girl. it's because adrienne buys shitty movies and then i watch them rather than work. it sucked.

films i'm looking forward to seeing… star wars, of course, and sin city, and the league of gentlemen's apocalypse. i don't have the money to go to the cinema as much as i'd like to. gr.

total number of films i own… oh, maybe about 40? i don't really buy dvds, my dad buys most of the ones i want at home and rick already has all the ones i want at uni. :)

five films taht mean something to me… the princess bride, stand by me, lost in translation, drop dead fred and from dusk till dawn. :D

honourable mentionsTHE BIG LEBOWSKI.

passing the baton… to dan dan, milly, tom, rick and… hm… shall! yes.

we now return to our scheduled programming

i saw a picture on SA today which made me feel sick, and also made me wonder what it would be like to have hollowed fingertips constructed entirely from brittle yellow scabs in crisp circular holes, and what it would be like to pick them away, making my fingers ooze pinkly inside my skin and white, dead flesh. yes, it was a horrible picture. ugh.

i can't think about anything else now. i hate learning. bye bye.

May 16, 2005

boring entry involving a question


google is my friend. i'm trying to find another search engine, however. i remember reading about this somewhere, a search engine that goes deeper than google [softer, stronger, longer, lemony-fresh, XXX hardcore etc etc]. sub-web or something. not meta engines, because they are ass. it's driving me mad.

i'm going to go revise more now. woop.

May 14, 2005

how funky is your chicken?

quite. who actually remembered the fact that the buffy movie sucked – i mean, worse than the series. they draw you in with minorly-witty dialogue and cool one-off monster plots and before you know it, you're tuning in to see if willow and tara are going to make up. i'm glad i managed to get out exactly at the point seth green's character got the chop. ::lovingly pets her seth green action figure:: how can you not love a little plastic man who comes with a guitar and and amp?

no revising done today, really. spent the most active portion of the past 16 hours playing with my cousin's baby, eryn. that kid is fun. we watch mtv and i explain why ricky kaiser chief is so hot until rebecca comes in and turns it over [chav cousins are both a blessing and a curse].

i've enjoyed a renewed friendship with becci since her baby was born. the birth coincided with my being alone in the house over easter, and when becci got to have a night out we'd go on mad club benders in coventry, which was more like a cultural exchange for me – and in some cases, quite a lot like a holiday, being that we were scanned with metal detectors on the way in to the more hardcore of the hip hop clubs.

in the spirit of exchange, i recently took rebecca to score, where she got incredibly drunk and was astonished to find that there was really no material with which she could start a fight. she watched two guys bump into each other, apologise and shake hands, and almost cried with joy at the realisation that students are decent human beings, with souls.

perhaps the future of chavdom lies in such exchanges? all the better to understand one another, i suppose, and great for my self esteem when scads of people eye up my large and bouncy booty in club release. yes.

May 10, 2005

i can barely play this thing

garg, indeed.

it's been a time of essay panic, election fever and high-grade jack daniels. we drove to toys r us on a whim and sang nirvana in the car, and bought dolls to look like ourselves [adrienne], or to be our boyfriend [bea]. we also bought a balamory fridge magnet story diarama.

rick DJed at blackout last night, and was a resounding success [and not just among those of us who knew him, thankyouverymuch]. the ska half hour left me knackered, but all in all a good time was had – although james was so drunk we had to tell him three times who was taking us home and he still attempted to get in the car with rick.

i am now off to investigate the culinary possibility of a surf and turf sandwich made from fish fingers and sausages. wish me, and my bowel, good luck.

\m/ >__< \m/ <- rock

May 03, 2005

i'm sleepy, mr houseley, and my toes are full of jam

here's a little bit of advice for the first years who are no doubt going to stumble on my blog in a few months and proclaim it their bible:


take EN213, american writing and culture.


attempt to write essays on books you haven't read.


leave packets of half-eaten ham next to your bed.

thank you. more to follow, possibly a non-pissed-off entry the second i've tidied up my essay and the house [inspection day] had a shower and eaten something. argh.

May 2005

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