November 01, 2005

things ain't what they used to be.

Writing about web page http://www.thespark.com

i was – am – idly surfing the net in a funk of hungover blues (the kind which start with 'oh god i'm never going to drink again, shit, where's my watch – my rings – my trousers; bollocks' and end with 'this is my final and ultimate truth: i am a horrible human being and should probably just get the next train out of here, change my name and live in a cave, but i am so worthless that i cannot go further than three feet before i stumble over a pile of clothes which i left on the floor because I SUCK'), when i remembered the simple joy of boneheaded scientific experimentation.

thus, friends, did my mind turn to the glory days of thespark. people like okcupid just fine, and students worldwide offer thanks to the internet gods for sparknotes in their moments of sweaty, shaking-like-a-shitting-dog pre-exam/essay panic - but since the demise of thespark itself, websites without an essential purpose have generally gone downhill. what other site could just be with such grace and wit as thespark did?

so! for those of you who were perhaps not privy to the wonder that was this collection of half-arsed ideas and amusing uses of clipart, i present the current resting places of as many of the articles as i can remember:

you should probably start with stinkymeat. this was followed of course by stinkyfeet, proving that the best kind of science is the kind that rhymes. most of the other projects are also available there. have i forgotten any? i fear so. oh, and the tests are variously available at okcupid and sparknotes.

it's kind of cute that there's internet nostalgia which isn't just about who was online the earliest and weren't BBS groups better than this shit and oh my god, yes i did so join alt.fan.pratchett before you. fuckers.


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  1. Mac

    There are whisperings afoot, Han. Exciting whisperings. Internethatingfuriousdrinking whisperings… Because we hate what the internet has become, right? x

    01 Nov 2005, 17:21

  2. i heard those whisperings, that is, i heard them if they were actually shoutings from an incoherently drunk sam in islington.

    INTERNET
    HATING
    FURIOUS
    DRINKING

    BOOTH

    x

    02 Nov 2005, 02:14

  3. Film notes!
    What the deuce?

    02 Nov 2005, 11:21

  4. the deuce is strange and new. film notes – what next? PANTS!? WET JIGSAW PUZZLES!? lordy.

    02 Nov 2005, 12:30

  5. Katze

    Ack. I remember taking Thespark's purity test like, YEARSSS ago and I got a Purity of 71%. Since then, I have been taking it upon myself to correct that, and have attempted the various activities suggested by the test. I have enjoyed it. Although I'm not so keen on the eyeball-licking.

    04 Nov 2005, 19:05

  6. that test was responsible for a LOT of licked eyeballs. yum yum. XD

    06 Nov 2005, 18:26

  7. Ems

    I wonder if this will post if I fuck up the anti-spam question?

    "What colour is an orange?"
    "Red."

    ANYHOO. Licking an eyeball is a great way to get out specks of dirt without hurting aformentioned eyeball. Yes.

    looks around shiftily

    ETA: Apparently, you have to actually answer the question right. WHAT IF I WAS COLOUR BLIND?

    06 Nov 2005, 23:28

  8. Sarah

    What if it was a blood-orange? Or a slightly unripe one? Pah. xx

    07 Nov 2005, 02:43

  9. talking of which, i have some satsumas which have been in the house sinse halloween that went straight from green to possibly-gone-off. what the hell? devil's satsumas. :(

    09 Nov 2005, 09:49


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