Dear Blog, Please Don't Hate Me
What can I say? There's simply no excuse for my recent behaviour, I won't patronise you by attempting to justify it. I know I've been distant but I'll make it up to you, I promise. It's not like I haven't been thinking about you. I know, I know, thinking's not good enough, you want my words. My wise, wise words of wisdom. Oh go on then, if you insist…
Right now I'm toasty warm sitting at home on the sofa, feet up on the coffee table, a box of Ferrero Rocher by my side…and Countdown on the TV. My Grandma is sitting to the right of me.
"Come on Ben, you're slipping m'duck!"
No, that's not the cry of my Grandma calling to our pet duck, Ben, as he attempts a waddle too far and almost slips down the stairs…we don't have a pet duck. And he's not called Ben. Nor is it the cry of my Grandma calling to my Grandad as he falls asleep in the armchair nearby, his head resting on his arm which is gradually, slowly but surely, slipping off the arm of the chair. My Grandad isn't called Ben either. In fact, it's the cry of my Grandma calling to encourage Ben, one of the Countdown contestants. Oh Ben, if only you knew how much support you have. Not that it would make a jot of difference of course – you're prerecorded, you can't hear us through the TV anyway and look, you've just lost.
"Oh well, he's going off travelling round the world with his girlfriend now anyway. Look, that's her, in the audience."
I'm think I'm going mad. Do I need to know what Ben is intending to do with the remains of his Countdown-losing life and who with? How will he pick himself up after such a blow? Do I care? Does anyone care?!
Don't get me wrong, I actually quite like Countdown. When I can hear it, that is. Like most people, I like quite a few tv programmes. When I can hear them. When it's not essential to discuss every detail of each character's/contestant's/presenter's life during the programme. I have three more weeks of this – I don't hold out much hope for my sanity.
(NB: Just to clarify – I do love my Grandparents really! To bits! It's just that putting my patience to the test seems to be a main feature of our time together…wish me luck :-) )