All 35 entries tagged Another Day

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May 26, 2005


Follow-up to Illness from Fiona's blog

I never knew I was allegic to exams… they caused me flu and migranes and asthma!

My illness have gone far enough for me! I went to see the doctor yesterday morning before my exam to see what they could give me to make me feel better.

They gave me 6 little pills to sollow every morning for 5 days.

I felt a little better in the afternoon.

Today was feeling ok ish for the exam in the morning.

Somehow after lunch the exam…. I managed to need run out to the toliet to throw up in the middle of the exam. I returned to my seat feeling sick still and dizzy or more likely wanting to faint.

May 24, 2005


This damn thing called illness…. most occasions they come at thewrong time and place.

It is when you have too mcuh too do and you are struglling and it hits you. And handicap you. The more you try to do things the more it handicap you leaving you hopelessly in bed…

What can I do with illness+exams? what does it = to?

May 23, 2005

End the Spam Cycle

Now I am forced to sit in front of my desk all day revising and somehow couldn’t help checking my e-mail too often and blogging. Well, I genuinely want to share some funny stuff I suddenly received in an e-mail account I consider to contain only SPAM

I decided why should I be annoying and forward them to people. I have almost given everyone the URL to this blog, so if they care enough about me they could read my blog and they will find depressing stories of mine, cynical views of the world, random thoughts and pictures I have taken and most of all the things I find funny.

Ich habe always been a person who likes to share… stories, adventures, pictures, and friends. Some how I have been scaring people away or something that they don’t like me sharing. I don’t really ask for anything in return maybe just to stick around until I finish giving.

I am not really getting depressed as exams doom over my head (maybe after so many years of exams I am immune to it or them rather) just into a state of cynicality. I see everything darker, gloomier angles of things.. everything (to be continued)

May 19, 2005

Idea of revision

The whole idea of revision… does it meant to put you off or encourage you? I was never sure. By glancing at my shelf the stuff I should know the number of pages of information scares me. I suppose I know most of it as I have been working throughout the year steadily but yet still I files and lectures notes intimidates me. Makes me feel like I don’t know anything.

Is there a cure for such disorder or is it common to others too?

I am looking forward to the holidays yet dreading as I have the unsettled feeling that I might need to come back for re-sits.

May 11, 2005

Another year rather than another day!

Yet another year has flown by. Still don’t really know what I am doing. Travelling aimlessly… well at that time there were reasons and points but now looking back at everything it seem rather pointless. I don’t know exactly why and how but I have yet entered another pessimistic spell. Maybe because of exams… an allergic reaction to exams. I don’t seem to know what my brain does to my body these days. Kind of I know it is working hard spinning hard but I seem to have last track what it is doing! What it is doing to me! I feel rather lost… so lost that somehow I think/I seem to have to found my Nemo that I still feel I am lost somewhere… I am not saying I feel like I have lost something… just lost maybe in translation as I experience a decline in my understanding in this language I am so tying in……

May 07, 2005

What a week–end

A wedding to attend to and a ball in the space of 3 days! It was fabulous fun though! :>

Wedding party of a dance partner of mine from April 2004. Did a jive in a opening for a concert! It was fun and shocking to everyone elses! :> Kind of time of my life thing as I have managed to shock so many people! Espeically those who think they know me well! At his wedding I was sitting next to an old schoolmate of mine… from kindergarten!


Fun night with dancing.

Ball on Sunday night. Just like to say.. fabluous carbaret! Thanks to Espen :>

April 28, 2005

Regularity could help to improve health!

As exams are getting closer and closer I should be more concerned about them and doing something or rather a lot about them. I have started revising and all, but I still seem to lack concentration here and now. Maybe that is due to the lung infection that I have at the moment. Well I hope that won’t last long!
This term suddenly I felt like I am at a place for academics rather than for the ride. I suppose that attitude is important and should have felt like that from at least last term onwards but honestly I haven’t been.

Sometimes I really don’t know what to do with myself. For example I worked so hard over the holidays (just not academics) that when I got back to Uni and finished all due holiday work I felt relaxed and rested, and then I got ill. For me… my life is just never ending work… business, travel, business travel, academics, personal skills, interpersonal skills… Work never seems to reduce how ever hard I work… but still I am not discouraged and I am still striving through each day by doing as much as I can in the time and health given!

I never seem to manage to do all the things I want to do… but I am getting through them slowly and steadily… A few things on my list are doing the dinghy instructor course, driving licence, Yacht master, all the medals in Latin and Ballroom dancing… etc so the list goes on… I suppose one would say that since I am still young I have plenty of time to achieve these goals, but realistically thinking I don’t really, as the purpose of doing these things is to open up more opportunities to have more fun and explore more of my abilities and limits to a certain extent. You are only young once… Sometimes I wish I don’t need any sleep at all so I can do more. I suppose a way to keep myself healthy enough to do everything I do now is to sleep well regularly and eat well regularly and breath fresh air regularly!

March 04, 2005

Maybe NOT!

Maybe I am crap at giving speech about myself. Somehow I don’t seem to have a problem with facts and opinions about things. But when I have to convince people that I am THE one I lost all effectiveness in speech. (Maybe this entry should go under PDP instead!)

Recently I have been writing a lot of “business” e-mail. After attending to Warwick skills module of “Effective Business Writing” it seems to me that most of the time I communicate with “business” related people too personally. The thing is that I DO know them personally and their business is VERY personal to them too. Couldn’t help to start wondering is too personal the way to go or is it rather a “NO-GO”.

I have never studied Business as a subject so I wouldn’t really know I suppose. So far these Economics lectures seem common sense to me rather than something I have to learn! Is me the problem here… How am I going to pass this module if most things on the syllabus seem so blatant to me!

Is my reason of being at Uni a matter of networking than career building? That’s the thing though I like to do many different things in different field/industry. So in the grade theory of the Careers Services that I am not really motivated enough in any thing I want to do. I have to disagree on that one. When I am passionate about one thing I will just go for it and work my way there meaning even if I don’t know much about it I will find out more and try it rather than making sure everything works before attempting.

One of the tips form the career service that I attended to their presentation today mention that one need to understand one’s personality to enable a career decision. Well I know my personality. I like to stretch myself in all areas. Physically in my sports, dancing and Tech theatre, psychologically challenge in my business and in Tech theatre, creativity challenge in marketing in my business and Tech theatre, challenge in terms of dealing with all sorts of problems and people in everyday live and in EVERYTHING I do.

I love challenge. I suppose I am even addicted to it too. Always finding new way to stretch myself constantly. Or is that the thrill of being adventurous.

February 09, 2005

Day dreaming

The days go by and I am still day dreaming through the hours. I couldn’t exactly say that the days repeat itself again and again as they don’t. But somehow all my feelings turned numb making everyday no different from the others. When there are people around who don’t want to associate with you but when they have no one to turn to you are their last resort. It never really bothered me but suddenly it kind of HIT me. I know I am very much my own person but am I so much my OWN that seem unapproachable by others? Or am I just too approachable that they feel like they need a challenge?

Now I am in my second term at Uni but somewhat there are parts in me that I feel I am in my second year in England (being in Year 10) again. The shaved head and the sleeping pills. This combination which I thought I left it all behind when I left prep school. Unfortunately, it hadn’t. I am living life to the full (so-to-speak) but at times I just feel like everything is ON TOP OF ME literally. It is exhausting. My life seems to be an uphill of ecstasy and then a downhill of depressions. Even through years of training from depression I still don’t seem to be able to cope it well. I suppose that is depression for you isn’t it?! Other wise it would be call depression? I fought for weeks/ months to try not to get into it but it’s too late now. It had taken over me! It is like loosing control on a car when the electronics failed to work when the vehicle is at its highest speed. It is not a matter of not knowing what to do. I think out of everyone else I know best what to do. It is more of a matter of WHY. After all I am a scientist. I love asking why. Why should I bother? Why does it matter? The damage is done.

Not being able to do what I love doesn’t not help me. I am surprise that it took quite this length of time before the evil of depression begun to slam at my face! Surgery was at the end of last July. Nine months to heal completely. Nine months of no sailing and practical tech theatre. Loosing the ability of being able to go out there and sail and not have no worry about anything on shore! If I sail now I know that I will do more damage which could mean that I would not be able to sail again EVER. I cannot not begin to imagine that. Meanwhile, I will sit still and strap myself to the seat and let the depression ride by then hours of ecstasy will come….

December 18, 2004

Bored yet got TOOOOO much to do!

Too little sleep but that doesn't matter! The load of work I have got to do seems endless as the day start! As the day finish I thought tomorrow will be a restful day but the IN pile certainly do pile up over the hours I sleep! Trying to look my best while being souless… Living in this cultureless and shallow I am affected by it! Words doesn't seem to flow any more just lack of ablity to feel

Goodness gracious…......... Want to hide

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