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September 30, 2010

Our QVC script

This is an approximate transcript of our group's QVC presentation on the square. We didn't have any script at all when we were doing it, so this is just based on my memory.


Emma: (In obnoxiously cheerful voice) Hello everybody! Today we’ve got some fabulous products for you which I’m really excited about. Our first product today is the Square, which is available at Today’s Special Value price of £17.99. Now I’m joined by Paul today who’s going to tell you a little bit more about the Square. So Paul, what’s so special about the Square?

Paul: Well Emma, I would say that the Square is really the Obama or the Ed Milliband of the shape world, because it’s all about equality. You see each side of a square is equal.

Emma: Are you saying each side is exactly the same length? That’s amazing!

Paul: Yes Emma, they are exactly equal. And that’s not all, all four angles in the Square are also exactly equal.

Emma: Unbelievable! And what angle is that?

Paul: Well I’ll tell you this Emma, (chuckles) none of them are wong!

Entire group laughs in that horribly fake way QVC presenters do

Emma: Well that is truly outstanding, and don’t forget today you can buy the Square for just £17.99. Now Charlie, can you tell me any of the other features of the square?

Charlie: Well Emma, you might not know this but the Square actually has a lot of symmetry (folds the square in several ways) it has not one, not two…

Emma: no, surely not three!

Charlie: …three, four lines of symmetry!

Emma: Four lines of symmetry for only £17.99!

Charlie: But wait, there’s more! Not only does it have reflectional symmetry, it also has rotational symmetry! (Demonstrates)

Paul: What a truly outstanding product the square is! I wonder, Naresh, do you know of any famous places that are named after the Square?

Naresh: Yes, in fact there are many places named after the Square! There’s Leicester Square, where people have some really good parties, none of which would be possible with out the Square. There’s Trafalgar Square (holds up picture of pigeon with Nelson’s column in the background) where there are giant pigeons and no people… There’s also St Peter’s square, which is where the Pope goes.

Emma: So are you saying that the square has religious benefits too? And that in fact by buying the square you are actually getting closer to God? And that by paying just £17.99 you can guarantee yourself a place in heaven?

Naresh: That’s exactly what I’m saying Emma. But if you’re not religious, there’s also Red Square…

Emma: Now tell me Lydia, are there any other uses for the Square?

Lydia: Yes Emma, if you purchase 64 Squares you can put them together as shown (holds up picture) and make yourself a chessboard!

Emma: So you can actually make yourself a game! And all for just £17.99 times 64! Which I can’t work out…

Paul: Emma, I don’t need to work it out to know it’s a bargain!

Lydia: And you can also use lots of the squares put together to tile your bathroom floor!

Paul: So there’ll be no more urinating on carpets, which means a much more hygienic bathroom!

Emma: In fact, the Square is so much more hygienic, you could probably throw away all your other cleaning products. I am giving you the chance to revolutionise your entire cleaning routine from just £17.99!

Lydia: Giulian has some other ideas for what you can do with Squares.

Giulian: (shaking with uncontrollable laughter, having still not recovered from Paul’s urinating comment) you can buy six squares and put them together as a cube, taking you into the fabulous third dimension, for when two dimensions are just not enough!

Emma: Call the number on the bottom of your screen if you’d like to buy the Square for today’s Special Value Price of just £17.99.


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