All entries for June 2005

June 24, 2005

Man, we're sooo Baarmy!

Oh sweet mother of pearl, what the hell is going on with the world?

I think this link is just a cheap excuse to create Welsh niche porn.

It is set to become the must-have accessory for hill walkers, shepherds and farmers everywhere – a sheep ringtone!

Oh fantastic, yes there is nothing a farmer enjoys more than sheep freakin' bleating!

When does a sheep farmer turn into a shepherd and vice versa.

June 20, 2005

Where'd you go?

Seriously this is insane and one of the reasons why people should not do hardcore drugs.

It'll bodge up your brain, internal organs and most importantly your boobs! Cocaine is baaaaaaaaad!

Where the hell has the girl that automatically caused the "boooooob" reaction gone?

She used to be really hot (almost a Rachel Stevens, not quite, but I still would have).
But now she just looks like a coke whore, who whilst vomiting her meagre diet into a toilet caused a bottle of flash to fall on her bonce.
For goodness ever sake this girl is still 18!
Gah, it’s freakin’ vile, look at her arms let alone the thingy she’s hanging around with, good grief eat some food!

Could this possibly be a reaction to the medias obsession with the fact that she wasn't a skinny git? Or is it infact her attempt to join the spindle wars?
Shall and Chris what trend setters you are, unfortunately the originals you may be but the spindlest crown no longer is yours!

Although thinking about it a little more if we all got this thin Halloween Parties would be everso easy to dress up for. Although how many Skeletors or Mummys can you get away with at a party?
Also who needs a toothpick when you have a finger?

The Next Big Hit

So the ultimate in job swap TV loveliness

Rik Stein and Ray Mears, I really don't see why no-one has thought about this before. But here is my suggestion to Endemol

Give Ray a coconut, some bamboo and let him whittle his way to a Michelin Star restuarant. Whilst Rik can be dropped off in the Amazon live with the native seeing if they can tell the difference between Tesco mushrooms with organic rainforest muchrooms.

To keep the public properly happy, there would be a BBCi sweepstake on the length of time it takes for either or both to die/ have a mental breakdown.

June 14, 2005

The Taste of a Party

Kinda risky blogging this, but then again if you come and have fun that'll be ace (bring alcohol)

But yes, Good Taste Bad Taste is the name of the game.

And yes to those who can't be arsed to make an effort come in normal clothes and pretend to be a part of the beige movement or something equally lame.

For my part I will be attending as Myra Hindley (basically what I look like after Thursday anyway).

It's going to be freakin' turboly awesome, if you enjoyed the Ninja Party you'll love Friday.

This Friday as in the 17th not the 18th

If you're easily offended come and we'll watch you explode

My PoA

Tomorrow is what should be my Graduating Final Fling, but due to me fupping up it is likely to be my final Final Fling anyway, so I’m going to enjoy it to the max!

So in true procrastinator fashion here is my PoA for the Fling couple of days

06.00 – Wake up and revise a bit more
07.45 – Drive to campus
09:30 – Sit exam
10:30 – Leave exam hall
11:00 – Start EPP revision
13:30 – Meet Emily for lunch
14:30 – Return to the RLS
16:00 – Ready to go back to campus (no big gown for me)
17:15 – Leave Campus for Fling action
20:00 – Stop drinking after dinner (as if that's going to happen)

00:00 – Start to hallucinate again
01:45 – Give up on blokes
03:00 – Return to RLS
04:00 – Drink copious amounts of coffee
04:30 – Start revision
08:00 – Bus to campus
10:30 – End exams for hopefully won't be the last time
10:35 – Start drinking
11:00 – Die
17:00 – Come back to life and go to Compact Disco

Please feel free to come and keep me company on Thursday, or at least make sure wolves and magpies don’t tear me apart/ peck my eyes out

Jooped by my exam

Medical Virology one of the more interesting modules I'm resiting this year, is now over, woo yay!.

I will have fond memories of this exam, is this because I knew all the answers and breezed through it like a fart through demin? Was it due to the exam being at a sensible time of the day? The answer to both of those is I wish that were the case .

The exam wasn't as bad as it could have been, considering the vast majority of my revision was me giggling at the diseased willys or last nights/this mornings hallucination session – my the sleepy mind does weird ass things!

But the reason I enjoyed this exam was that whenever I was starting to go Gahh, why won't you recall the information brain I got a lovely waft of Joop.

I don't know what it is about Joop, and Lynx Africa, but they do funny things to me. I was sitting in the Butterworth Hall my mind a bevy of virology know how and the sole thought travelling through my brain was mmmmm, mmmmm, man, sexy, smell mmmmm, mmmmm .

So I would like to thank the undoubtedly fit guy who was wearing Joop this morning, thank you, you have brought me back from the brink of insanity, you and your lust inducing smell.

Now looking forward to men in suits smelling fit tomorrow!

June 12, 2005

Sun Screen, it won't make you thin but it might keep you alive

Ladies, Gentlemen and those who are undecided, as the summer approaches (is it here yet, oh I don't know, the 21st of March means something I think, but pish).

As the summer approaches no doubt our TVs will be bombarded with pretty slim young things having fun japes on sunkissed beaches, being protected from the evil rays by some sun screen or other.

Lets get a few things straight about these marvellous sun stoppers:
1) You should wear a bit of sun screen all year round
2) The lotion will only protect you from a percentage of the sunbeams on your lovely bodies
3) You need to reapply during the day
4) Always put on some moisturiser after being out in the sun

These products will not:
1) Turn you into the pretty people on the adverts, if you are a fatty now you'll be a fatty with the sun screen on
2) Make it perfectly ok for you to go and lie out in the sun all day long (cancer is a git people!!)
3) Protect you anymore due to being discovered in some pretentious lab in France

Anyway the only reason you should use sun screen is stop this sort of thing happening to you!

June 11, 2005

It's not Zoophila but….

Now just to make this clear, I do not and have not ever wanted to boff a real life animal…..ever! Yes I do realise that being Welsh this might come as a bit of a suprise to some.

However saying that Simba is hot!

Were Simba a human he'd be boff-tastic, not only is he actually fit he also has the qualities of all fancible blokes.

Loving (Nala and his relationship is something I'd be everso happy to find)
Securely insecure (He has his problems and self doubt but gets on with life all the same)
Friendly (Anyone who can be friends with things which by nature they shold be eating is a good sort)
Fun (He doesn't take himself too seriously and can chill)

Right, I'm gong to stop now as this is getting a little more indepth than I wanted (or legally should) to go into my Simba lust.

In second place comes Robin Hood, then Aladdin

June 06, 2005

It's here!

I am with The Fear!

I haven't had any coffee today and I can feel my heart going like a hobo after a piece of rolling cheese (not baby bell, this is hobo with standards!)

But my questions to you all are…....

Where are all the people who were suffering from The Fear this time last year?

Are students getting more studious?

Why do the library nazis prowl in couples?

What gives them the right to scowl at me when I'm playing a game on my revision break?

How much water can I drink without bursting my bladder/other nasty experience?

Where the hell is the fit bloke who was in here a couple of weeks ago?

June 05, 2005

The Landlord, The Chav and The Digger

Picture the scene it is 10am on a Sunday morning in June, 2 days until I start my exams, 2 days before my housemates have to finish their 3rd year projects, 3rd housemate having to research company for interview.
The sun is fairly hidden behind clouds, I'm showered have munched my way through an orange, am just about to go upstairs when Jamie and I see 2 chavs walk past our living room window.

"What the fup?" is our first reaction, this is swiftly followed by "What in all that is remotely right in the world" as we notice these fellows have a decent sized digger aimed towards our house.
Our landlord would surely have infomed us if he was intending to have our lawn dug up, I mean there is that little thing I like to call The Housing Act and something which I believe is called common curiosity.

Oh wait no no no, as you may have guessed from the photo they did indeed start to dig up our garden, oh and wait a minute what's that pretty green line in the earth.
Could it possibly be our NLT cable, could it, could it? Yes yes it bloody well is!

Now, I'm only a tax dodging scrounging git of a pseudo-student not a trained driver for a piece of Plant machinery, however I'm guessing it weighs somewhere between 1530 kg and 3582 kg, and I know damn well fibre optics don't like being drove over.
Yet our clever chavs didn't seem to realise this! Oh no, so I have had to relocate my household to campus, meaning that I am now 3 hours behind schedule and unbelievably irritable (apologies to people who get samples of my wrath).

Oh yes icing on cake:
– Chav asked us for a cup of tea
– Landlord didn't give a flying fup, and didn't realise he should have told us in advance
NTL aren't picking up the phone
– Chav and landlord were laughing at us and the problem
– Chav didn't actually apologise for killing our internet connection
– Landlord and Chav laughed at the idea of us having exams and work to do

Had I the energy to cry I would!

June 2005

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