June 11, 2005

It's not Zoophila but….

Now just to make this clear, I do not and have not ever wanted to boff a real life animal…..ever! Yes I do realise that being Welsh this might come as a bit of a suprise to some.

However saying that Simba is hot!

Were Simba a human he'd be boff-tastic, not only is he actually fit he also has the qualities of all fancible blokes.

Loving (Nala and his relationship is something I'd be everso happy to find)
Securely insecure (He has his problems and self doubt but gets on with life all the same)
Friendly (Anyone who can be friends with things which by nature they shold be eating is a good sort)
Fun (He doesn't take himself too seriously and can chill)

Right, I'm gong to stop now as this is getting a little more indepth than I wanted (or legally should) to go into my Simba lust.

In second place comes Robin Hood, then Aladdin

June 06, 2005

It's here!

I am with The Fear!

I haven't had any coffee today and I can feel my heart going like a hobo after a piece of rolling cheese (not baby bell, this is hobo with standards!)

But my questions to you all are…....

Where are all the people who were suffering from The Fear this time last year?

Are students getting more studious?

Why do the library nazis prowl in couples?

What gives them the right to scowl at me when I'm playing a game on my revision break?

How much water can I drink without bursting my bladder/other nasty experience?

Where the hell is the fit bloke who was in here a couple of weeks ago?

June 05, 2005

The Landlord, The Chav and The Digger

Picture the scene it is 10am on a Sunday morning in June, 2 days until I start my exams, 2 days before my housemates have to finish their 3rd year projects, 3rd housemate having to research company for interview.
The sun is fairly hidden behind clouds, I'm showered have munched my way through an orange, am just about to go upstairs when Jamie and I see 2 chavs walk past our living room window.

"What the fup?" is our first reaction, this is swiftly followed by "What in all that is remotely right in the world" as we notice these fellows have a decent sized digger aimed towards our house.
Our landlord would surely have infomed us if he was intending to have our lawn dug up, I mean there is that little thing I like to call The Housing Act and something which I believe is called common curiosity.

Oh wait no no no, as you may have guessed from the photo they did indeed start to dig up our garden, oh and wait a minute what's that pretty green line in the earth.
Could it possibly be our NLT cable, could it, could it? Yes yes it bloody well is!

Now, I'm only a tax dodging scrounging git of a pseudo-student not a trained driver for a piece of Plant machinery, however I'm guessing it weighs somewhere between 1530 kg and 3582 kg, and I know damn well fibre optics don't like being drove over.
Yet our clever chavs didn't seem to realise this! Oh no, so I have had to relocate my household to campus, meaning that I am now 3 hours behind schedule and unbelievably irritable (apologies to people who get samples of my wrath).

Oh yes icing on cake:
– Chav asked us for a cup of tea
– Landlord didn't give a flying fup, and didn't realise he should have told us in advance
NTL aren't picking up the phone
– Chav and landlord were laughing at us and the problem
– Chav didn't actually apologise for killing our internet connection
– Landlord and Chav laughed at the idea of us having exams and work to do

Had I the energy to cry I would!

June 02, 2005

Just so you know

Please refer to the below if I see you on campus and direct you here

How are your exams going?
Well funny you should ask, I'm sure I told you at least 3 times in the last week they don't start until the 7th June.
Yes, you were that mystified before, yes the 7th is late to start. Revision is a bit crap as people insist on talking in the freakin’ library and leaving the windows open making it incredibly cold, which ultimately makes me fall asleep

How many exams do you have to do?
Well funny you should ask, I'm sure I've had this discussion with you yesterday, 11.
Yes 11 is a lot, that's right I'm resiting all the 2nd year modules. That’s right, I fupped up last year and the death of a family member didn’t cause a slip in my concentration at all.

When do they finish then?
Well funny you should ask, I'm sure I told you earlier today I finish on the 16th June.
Indeed that is the day after the Final Fling, and what's better it's at 9:30 in the morning.
Nope I'm still going to drink at the Final Fling, I got a first in it last time so I only really need to pass

What you doing when you finish?
Well funny you should ask, I'm sure you overheard me telling the last person I just talked to I'm getting lashed.
Directly after my exam I will take my sorry-still-in-Fling-outfit arse onto the piazza and get absolutely ratted, I’m doing it because I can so there!

Who you going to the Fling with then?
Well funny you should....What....eh..…who…...wait a minute…..that's not an exam orientated question, you have no right to ask such a question in week 7.
Please kindly delay all questions which are off subject for a fortnights time.
But since you asked, no-one but open to offers

Good luck to all you people doing revision, exams, dissertations, projects, and all that jazz.
To you folks who have finished whoop-te-do!

June 01, 2005

Learn From Your Elders

My Nan has only ever given me one piece of advice of the romantic variety

"Never fall for an enthusiast"

This being my Grandfather is her basis for her advice.

For your visual delights and future happiness, this is William!
William is a fully operating 6th of the normal size traction engine, and has taken 6 years to bulid from hand.

Do not fall for someone who dedicates their life to creating something that cannot possibly return the time and effort.
Traction engines are fun and everything as are stamps and other things people get fanatical about but people are what is important.

He does look cute though, bless the elderly!

May 28, 2005

Coming on your Screen

Just brilliant!

Hit the button for moments of enjoyment

May 25, 2005

Welsh Army Person

This is what it has come to!

Other attachments currently available are:
– Flick knife (Soul Nation option)
– Digital camera
– Telecommunication appliance (usual faulty)
– Revision materials (Limited edition)
– Flip out ninja mode (drunken/angered issues only)
– MD player and headphones (selection of MDs availble)

By the 16th June I hope to be a fully equipped Welsh Army Person.

May 24, 2005


This is my new friend, nay life companion.

Unfortunately this year looks as if it will stop a Uni tradition right in its tracks, yes I am talking about my yearly 6 week faux fling of a relationship. Chances of it happening seem very slim now, mayhaps it's because I'm a loser on a resit without residence and therefore doesn't count as a Uni year, hmm we'll see next year I guess.

Maud is great, her emails warm my cold Welsh heart, and she will amuse me until I have the new Harry Potter (52 days)!

You too can have a new friend, here is where Maud gets her gratification, she chills at Windymore. So far she has come 10th as well as 4th, I’m quite happy with her and I’m sure she’d whoop everyone else who tries to beat her!!


Kudos to Mr Glass for finding me my new friend, my how lonely (not in a Akon, freakin' chipmunk way mind you) my existence was beforehand

May 21, 2005

Once Round The Clock

My poor J-Reg, we've gone round the clock, no wonder it keeps falling apart.

We've been to Glastonbury and back, London and back, Leicester and back, Monmouth and back, Leamington and back, Amroth and back, Newport and nearly not back.

Jug, I salute you, you will never be the Bucket, but you've been a good little car. Here's to the next one

May 18, 2005

Oops, and there was me feeling all left out

Writing about it's about films! from Tilting At Windmills

the last film i saw at the cinema… was Robots I believe, in Newport with Melly and fup loads of sugar, man I dig sugar!.

last film i watched otherwise… About A Boy, but not all of it as of it as Shall and I went to watch Snarf et al at The Well (on a side note, don’t drink their lemonade, it’s shit!!)

films i'm looking forward to seeing… Star Wars, League of Gentlemen (yummy Reece), Willy Wonka (yummy Johnny), Team America (yes you bastards I still haven’t been able to watch it and oh how you gits quote it at me). Then in a stick and twisted way Harry Potter Goblet of Fire, but really only so I can go “This is shit compared to the book” and sit about with knowledgeable Harry Potter fans and show how well we know the book and where the film went wrong, also Jarvis Cocker is in it!

total number of films i own… Since the bastards stole all my videos from Jack Martin in the first year my film collection has shrunk to about 20 (varying from The Lion King to King Lear)

five films that mean something to me… The Lion King, Rogue Trader (Mel and my drunk film, we’ve never seen it all, damned passing out) Bridget Jones’ Diary, Lonesome Dove, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

honourable mentions….Braindead (Peter Jackson before he sold his soul), Velvet Goldmine, Mean Girls (BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBS, Shall gets my meaning!)

passing the baton…to the man in my head oh yes and all the Cs Casper, Claire and Carly, and the most important T Tal

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