By Amy H, Emma and Laura
Hummer Hummer Hummer,
Right, to start we have to say that we were ready on time and before Shed who faffed for ages. 1–0 to us! We were looking beautiful but he didn’t say so. But Matt did, many times “you look fantastic. I really appreciate it” to be precise. And he was right. We looked soooooo sexy.
Shed drove us to his house where we were met by the sexy men and family members and glasses of champagne. After a little giggle over some baby photos of James we were feeling more at home. We got introduced a million times to everyone but everyone was really friendly. The Shepherds (as in sheep) en masse gave James a complicated bench press gym equipment thingy which amy wanted to have a go on but Shed wouldn’t let her (arse). We were just heading off for a tour of the house when we got stopped and sidetracked by a limo and a stretch Hummer Hummer. It was a club on wheels and had lasers and lights and champagne and mamma sound system and everything! Beautiful Beautiful.
Lauren’s toe of death was hurting and causing her problems cos she fell. Simpson’s was beautiful and we had our own big room with Jimbo-big balloons that we need here. Now. This actual second. More champagne. Seating plan. Coasters. Oo the coasters. They were well cool with baby photos of the shed with captions. Very funny.
Dinner. Canapés. There was a nice salmon one. Shot of soup. Cheese puff. Cheese sticks. Foie gras. Then we sat down. Sit. Going round the table we had Amy, Amy, Nick, Laura, Shed, Mari, Shed the elder, Katie, Lee, Lorraine, Mike, Powely, Mum of the shed, Matt, Lollybaby, Chrissybaby, Embaby. A very nice bunch. The food was lovely. Very yummy. Lots of drink. Magically refilling glasses. Mmm pudding. Chocolate Pringles. Sparkly inferno of a cake. Shed blew fire down Laura’s dress. Burnt boobies. Ash in bra.
Speech….interesting. we are speechless about it. We now know exactly when James was conceived and all about what James used to do in the swimming pool. Poor shed went bright pink. Very touching bits too.
Lets crack on. Botched taxi night. Got to Arcadian in end. Went to 52 degrees north. Very hot. 2 for 1 on cocktails the first time, only when Em went back, the deal had disappeared. Arse. Nice barman the first time though. Dancing. Shed had lots of sambuka. Matt and Lauren nudge nudge wink wink
Got outside. Made friends with policeman. Very nice man. Friendly. Posed for lots of photos. But there was a Birmingham problem and he ran off. The taxis pissed us around. Amy o and lolly stayed for a bit. hope they got home ok. we got home eventually. Matt’s conversation bless him was limited to asking where we were staying, asking us to visit him, telling us we looked fantastic, talking about getting james pissed. Same conversation, on rotation, over and over again.
Gate Queen did her duty fantastically. Straight into pjs all of us. Ended up in sheds room with the boys. Tea and a huuuge mountain of toast. And marmite for Chris from the vat of marmite Laura’s daddy gave her. 3 in a bed and the little one said…Laura fell out! All snugly. But shed was grumpy.
Shed: can we have the door open please?
Matt: PISS OFF!!!!
Matt: can we please go to sleep now!
So we left in the end. It was 4.00. Laura had to sort her washing out. We made washing art with coat hangers and knickers and socks outside Shed’s door. Had a little chat on landing about being troublemakers. Laura texted her Thomas and her Mummy. Couldn’t think of any trouble so went to bed.