All entries for Saturday 29 October 2005

October 29, 2005

The last few days

Ok peeps, i haven't done a proper entry in a few days, think an update is required… i've had a few shitty mornings / days, which then thankfully developed into very enjoyable evenings :-) Feeling a bit down at the mo, not quite sure why or whats going on, so thought i'd make a little list of whats been shitty or fab over the last few days to try and sort my head out…

Shitty things:

  • Buses have been very very very frustrating just lately. On Thursday, i was at the bus stop on time, and no bus came. For half an hour. So i was quite dramatically late for giving my presentation about my dissertation to fellow students, good start huh?? And today i got to the bus stop several minutes early… the wanker was several minutes late. I am not impressed. If they're going to be early, then they should timetable it like that, and then stick to that time, instead of changing every bloody day so you never know where you are, arghhhh….

  • So the presentation itself – had to present my ideas for my dissertation to my tutor and about 10 students… i hate presentations at the best of times, but i hadn't prepared this properly, i was hugely late, and then i found out quite a few people are covering similar topics to mine, and one girl in particular is writing a very very similar dissertation (except hers sounds better). There are a lot of good ideas, and i'm now starting to feel just a little bit lost amongst it all…

  • I don't know why, but my sleeping has been fucked up recently. I usually sleep like a baby, because i never get enough sleep and i'm always completely knackered. I've been just as tired as ever this week, and yet i'm being really weird with my sleeping… I think it was Tuesday night when i just couldn't fall asleep for hours, literally. I don't know what was wrong with me, i was tired, i was in a warm comfy bed, the house was quiet… somethings praying on my mind and keepin me awake, and its stressing me out. Also the last 2 mornings i've woken up and my quilt has been all over the place and i've been really hot, i must have been tossing and turning all night, and i just don't normally do that…

  • My concentration levels in lectures is going downhill already. I've been doing so well this year, but this week i've just not been with it at all. It's pissing me off because i thought i'd changed and that i was going to be really on top of my work this year, finally, when it's most important…. but maybe not after all

  • I've just realised the amount of work that's building up. I'm staying for the first half of reading week specifically to do work (that is sooo unlike me!), Laura and Amy have already gone home, so i'm not gona have many distractions, theres no reason why i can't make good progress for a few days… but the thought of it… And no Laura and Amy means i'm all alone with Shed, which is fine, i've done that before, but i do still need my girlies around me, especially when i'm feeling like this. Shed is doing well, bless him, he's sat through 'How to lose a guy in 10 days' tonight because i wanted to watch a romantic girly thing, but it's only made me feel more depressed.

  • I'm just feeling weird generally. I'm eating a LOT of shit, i just can't help it, i've lost all will-power i had. I know i'm putting on weight, and it's making feel fat and gross, but i still can't stop. I don't know what's wrong with me. It should be that time of the month, that would explain a lot, but it's not… another sign of my fucked up body. I should be stressing about careers, I am stressed about it when i actually think about it, but i still haven't done anything towards researching options or talking to advisers… I'm going to end up with nothing to do but go with Steven's suggestion (bless him, i thought it was fab!!) of building a time-machine so i can visit ancient civilisations… :-)

  • Also spending an absolute fortune this year so far, money i really don't have, and that is definitely stressing me out as well

  • Everyone's been ill already, and i just hate the idea of everything turning out like the end of last year, which came to a very abrupt halt with a few illnesses, or the middle of last year, which was also shitty due to illnesses. I don't like the idea that Laura is probably still very ill, i just want everyone to get better and be feeling fab again

  • Randomly, an extra point i just have to add… my CD player keeps skipping, and it is PISSING me off now

However, on the plus side:

  • I have actually done quite a bit of work this week, more than normal, including actually sitting in the library and making notes (admittedly i was waiting to meet Laura and Amy, i wouldn't have been there otherwise, but never mind, it made me feel very studious!)

  • I've had a couple of lovely evenings out – Top B, as we know, was fantastic on Monday, then Amy and i went to see Edward Scissorhands with Siggy on Wednesday, and us Kens went out with Chris and Siggy last night for a gorgeous meal in Warwick. It's been really nice to spend more time with the later additions to our mad friendship group and get to know them better. I do feel like we're all good friends now, rather than them just being friends of Laura's who we've met a few times… cheers guys, heres to many more fab times this year :-)

  • I am going home soon, probably either Wednesday or Thursday for the last bit of reading week. There's a few things i need to do, and it'll be great to see everyone, especially Tom (my gorgeous nephew – i think you may have heard of him before!!), who's been pretty ill this week, and who needs a massive hug from his devoted Auntie Em. I'll also be able to work on my driving with dad, which i'm quite excited about now i'm getting the hang of it and dad is relaxing rather than thinking i'm going to kill us both!! Of course, i can always play the piano when i'm at home too, my usual release of stress, anger, depression, emotion of any sort… (but going home also means going to work on Saturday, which will indeed mean a bit extra cash (definitely needed!), but i just can't be bothered to go to work on a Saturday when i'm at home… oh well, got to be done i suppose)

  • Oh, i've just remembered a good little update as well, in case you were wondering about the bacon overload situation in the Ken house now – well, i can infom you that we've done ourselves proud, eaten a hell of a lot of bacon sarnies, bacon in pasta, bacon wrapped round chicken… and we now have just one piece left, excellent going i think!

So, my solution to all this… give me a few days, and i'll be fine. In the mean time – lets go out, get whammed and dance like tits! Anyone who's up for it, let me know, please remember there's only me and shed in this house for almost an entire week… please help me! (sorry shed, u know i love u really…!)

Huge apologies for the massive nature of this blog, i wouldn't be surprised if no one bothered to read it, that's fine, it was more for me than anything else. And if anyone is still there, well done, you deserve gold stars :-)


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