All 11 entries tagged Gordon Random

continual perplexity

as a present to Eim I thought I'd look up housemaid's knee and got this as an image….............

attributed to the painter Susan somebody Flint and you can get your own print for just $195.00

Tally ho!

: 04 Sep 2005 17:08 |  Tags: Gordon Random |  Comments (2) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

embarrassed? moi??

….........so following a conversation with Eim about why I have Denture Cleansing Tablets in my bathroom, the latest blog poll is

"what's the most embarrassing item you've ever bought?"

feminine hygiene products and contraceptives not allowed (unless you are a priest)

and a special Gordon Prize if you can guess why i have such tablets in my bathroom.

Gordon R

: 24 Aug 2005 00:53 |  Tags: Gordon Random |  Comments (7) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

put down that turkey ham Kyle

now if i wasn't already taken

in the Messiah

Gordon R

: 22 Aug 2005 23:50 |  Tags: Gordon Random |  Comments (6) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

the most grotesque blog entry ever written in general

Writing about web page http://www.thingsthatmakeyousmile.com/

as a brief update I have been attempting to lure Eim out of her dissertation hell and back into a happier world where children are polite, neighbours are friendly and Carter laughs merrily in the background as a theme tune to our lives.

fat chance

having just 24 hours until Roisin and Dave of Belfast/Canley fame (such a cosmopolitan house) arrive back to rescue Eim and Carts from their despair I thought I should do my best to cheer Eim up. A task that befits someone's other half (and that apparently is me and not Carter).

living in this virtual world and having the my eyes glued to a computer screen when they are not attempting to pierce through Carter's skin in an attempt to see what he is really made from, my first port of call for Operation Cheer Up, was as you've all guessed google.

feelling all inspired i put in my request

"make you smile"

and cross my fingers for something inspiring and smile making.

what I then find myself confronted with is this absolute living hell that should be banned as it will give children nightmares

all set to the most bizarre tag line:

"Primitive Folk Art Dolls with a Touch of Whimsy"

please someone explain what a touch of whimsy is as it's beyond me and my IQ is around 155.

please just click on the intro and look at the awful, sad sad pictures.
sample of this whimsical delight we have

Strawberry Sallie

Sallie is made from aged fabrics. She has been out in the fields picking strawberries and her basket is full.

and here's a close up…....

then to be sure you haven't missed the delicacy of these creations, another close up

Strawberry Sallie's hair is hand-dyed wool and her eyes are antique shoe buttons

hmm quite

and Sallie's best friend here is Prairie Girl

not quite Little House on the Prairie, rather Button Face (close relative of Leather Face) attacks poor Sailor Doll and attempts to stab him with her pointy feet whilst hiding behind her immense sized nun-type cowl.

now if Sallie didn't put the jeepers up you check these one's out – a delightful collection for you to make from an original pattern and distribute as presents for Christmas/Thanksgiving. These are what I call "The Hanging Collection" …

this is Cassie, such a sweet name, just look at her face

an old fashion pumpkin to be sure, one that seems to be hanging from his neck!!!!!!

now we have what I term the "Disturbing Countryside Collection"

this delightful lady is rightly called old hag

this wee chap is called Percival and although he's a bit fuzzy I think he's holding the Grim Reaper's sythe

again slightly fuzzy but the title of this fellow is too much candy corn. God in heaven knows why.

and finally…

Santa

who is riding a cockrel instead of a reindeer. This is clearly what happens at Christmas in middle America.

if you are tempted to check out this website then take note of the Blair Witch style star that follows your mouse around and also that 'no right click functions' are allowed. The owner is that scared of people copying these delightful, whimsical pictures from their twisted and warped website.

another horrifice website that will make you gasp and probably quiver under the bedclothes is

www.asparrowssong.com

gah!

this must end.

update

Eimear Ballard Esq has been interned in the local asylum after suffering contorted nightmares of small people with no eyes and pins for fingers.
Visiting hours are Wednesdays and Saturdays 1500 – 1900. Please bring lithium.

Gordon R

: 09 Aug 2005 19:55 |  Tags: Gordon Random |  Comments (13) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

asking for only workman's wages I go looking for a job

i am leaving i am leaving but the fighter still remains

last night Eimear Ballard Esq made an omelette for the first time in just 7 easy steps

that's right. can you guess what they were??
back to canley then folks

and if you're all missing something warm and fluffy to keep you company then here's a picutre of Mr Benji to cheer you up

G Random (Ms)

: 02 Aug 2005 18:51 |  Tags: Gordon Random |  Comments (9) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

to sleep perchance to dream

if only this would happen in canley

and that's just Ayrton we're talking about

: 31 Jul 2005 03:45 |  Tags: Gordon Random |  Comments (3) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

It's shaped like a spanner, Holly, because he was a technician

Writing about web page http://www.penguinwarehouse.com

this just in from the Penguin Warehouse

This little guy will brighten your home with his crazy antics! Give him a pebble and watch him go!

but if the average cost of a penguin is too much (around $1300)
then $14.95 will buy you this…...

and as for the man riding his bike through leamington – i like your hat

: 31 Jul 2005 02:53 |  Tags: Gordon Random |  Comments (4) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

last night I dreamed I went to Manderley again

dear world,
i love this girl.
who woulda knew?

: 15 Jul 2005 01:27 |  Tags: Gordon Random |  Comments (12) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

well now!

yeah, you know who you are!

: 07 Jul 2005 16:14 |  Tags: Gordon Random |  Comments (5) |  Close comments |  Report a problem

WANTED: one small toe

One small toe wanted as replacement.

Size: medium, preferably for right foot but not fussy

Job description: general foot duties; walking (yes please), balancing (would be improvement), dancing (definitely to improve current condition), possible sucking (of toe not by toe), peeling bananas.

Uniform: assorted trainers (large size), occassional sandals (ditto), flip-flops forbidden (due to nauseating discomfort)

Must be in good condition, 50,000 miles on the clock acceptable, careful previous owner requisite.

No fungal infections

Foot fetishists need not apply

New owner to promise tender loving care, daily washing and anti-bacterial treatments, will provide foot/toe massages on special occassions (birthdays, Christmas, Hanukkah, St Peter's Day).

Price: negotiable, but limited to 50p and one old Jelly Bean.

….........any sellers???

: 21 Jun 2005 20:06 |  Tags: Gordon Random |  Comments (4) |  Close comments |  Report a problem