All 9 entries tagged Appalling Things

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August 16, 2005

a tense situation

okay, having just received this shit email from everyone in the world

"Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who
calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay
awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who
kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the
world when you are in your sweats, who holds your hand
in front of his friends, Wait for the one who is
constantly reminding you of how much he cares about
you and how lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one
who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

If u open this U have to repost it, guy or girl, or
you will have bad luck for the rest of your
life!!!!!!!............

if i don't get this back i guess ur not my friend if u
have a lot of love for some1… copy and send this to
ur whole list…in 5 mins ur true love will call or
message
you.

You have just been DEATHWISHED. Tonight at midnight
your true love will realize they like you. Something
good will happen to you at approx. 1:42pm tomorrow, it
could be anywhere. So get ready for the biggest shock
of your life. If you break this chain, you will be
cursed with relationship problems for the most
important time of your life. Send this to 15 people in
15 minutes to carry on the chain…and spare yourself
the emotional stress."

…i am rather alarmed at the cybernetic jihad which seems to have been taken out on my life. watch this space to find out if my refusal to forward this email to any other poor bastards has, indeed, fucked up my love life beyond revocation.

small bite of nails


July 14, 2005

more appalling tattoos

Follow-up to even worse tattoo! from Talking Behind the Psychic's Back

konstantin – i haven't yet discovered a picture of anyone with a celine tattoo, but i'm still looking! meanwhile, i've unearthed this monstrosity, featuring some stars of british comedy.

lord protect us.


July 13, 2005

even worse tattoo!

Follow-up to worst tattoo i have ever seen from Talking Behind the Psychic's Back

no, no, i take it all back!
find me a tattoo worse than this!!


worst tattoo i have ever seen

okay, here's a challenge for you guys.

find me a picture of a worse tattoo than this, anywhere in the world


a lovely jacket

thanks to becky for this amazing jacket!


June 28, 2005

if you've had an accident at work which wasn't your fault…

is it just me, or is the recent spate of adverts for 'national accident helpline', or whatever it's called, particularly galling? the latest one features some ludicrously stupid woman claiming expenses after dropping a load of bottles. now, maybe my logic's skewed, but to my mind that's her fault, and she should be the one paying for it. nevertheless, these companies certainly aren't going to go away, especially not now that they've truly extended their appeal by offering the possibility of claims received after communication by text message, for god's sake. therefore, the only potential means by which to amend this situation is to tax the stupid. a stupid tax would ensure a nice safe buffer of money from which can be extracted all the ludicrously high amounts of compensation given to these idiots for pain endured whilst stabbing oneself in the face, therefore leaving the rest of us free to get on with it.

sorry, tv at the moment is making me go all right-wing.


June 13, 2005

the most disgusting ornaments i have ever seen

having worked as a sleazy salesperson of 'luxury items' under the tutelage of a man named stanley knife (i kid you not) i know my tat very well indeed. that's why i've decided to share this horrible, grotesque collection of craperie with you all. can anyone come up with any ornaments grimmer than these?

this cat appears to be taking its last sips of stagnant water before finally expiring as a result of some pompeii-esque atrocity.

now, this is being marketed as 'santa claw ornament', leading me to deduce only that making a replica of father christmas from a lobster's leg is intended as a pun on the diminuitive 'claus'; however, this is deeply traumatic, for a series of reasons.

ah yes, madam, a wonderful choice. a replica voodoo face which will doubtless bring a pox on both your houses. just imagine your delight upon waking in the morning to find this sitting on your neck!

and my own personal favourite

i can't quite find the words to describe this, but it appears to be a delightful depiction of a vastly oversized spider upon which is delicately balanced a lilliputian house full of ghosts. DIVINE!


January 03, 2005

World's grimmest thing: UPDATE

Follow-up to POLL: What is the grimmest thing in the world? from Talking Behind the Psychic's Back

well down to miss becky dixon herself for spotting this immeasurably grim thing whilst working in the maternity wing of the leicester infirmary..
"a big fat woman who fell over whilst being scanned. she was so enormous (something like 30 stone) that no-one could pick her up, it took two hours to find a hoist large enough and they very nearly had to call the fire brigade in order to get her off the floor."
jesus christ, that's TOTALLY grim.
good work becky!

but is it as grim as a story from another friend who should perhaps remain nameless?...having spent an ill-advised night at a union event, said lady offered her floorspace to a drunken flatmate unable to find his own keys. not only did this rakish gentleman manage to join her in her comfortable and inviting bed; he also proceeded to piss all over her.
great work, nameless friend! the poll continues!


November 06, 2004

Is this the world's grimmest pizza?

well, now…i couldn't think of any better way to start off my blog than to mention this, truly the grimmest pizza the world over. this must be even grimmer than vialli's 'marco polo funghi', which comes without tomato sauce (ketchup optional). it is…
the domino's double decadence. it contains one pizza-y layer of goodness, one base, one PASTE OF CHEESE AND HERB, and one more base.
boik.
honestly, what is the need?
HONESTLY? look at all that paste!
urrrrrrrr!

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