All entries for August 2005

August 25, 2005

i want to get me some whimsy

ayrton, take note!

thanks to carter for this one…

Writing about an entry you don't have permission to view

…it's funny cos it's true!

i didn't go over the falls, george

well now, well now!

it has come to my attention that i have, in fact, FINISHED my dissertation. it's looking nice and pretty in its red binding and its name is: 'Closing the Open Road: Rednecks, revenge and the rationalisation of rebellion in milennial American cinema'. i'm off to hand it in very soon, which is quite a bizarre feeling. we've had a long and tumultuous relationship and i will be sad to see it go. i don't even feel particularly inspired to celebrate; instead, i will tidy up my room and probably go to the park and play frisbee (or 'crispee' as the canleyites term it). i will, however, be baby b-ing it tomorrow, so for those of you who attend, watch out for roisin and myself doing our very special 'wuthering heights' dance.
anyway, in other news. all is well in the canley house, fleur has gone to leeds, and i have just received this email:

I am Basil to Late paulton Allen a foreigner and an
Engineer with Atlas Engineering Co.Late paulton Allens has an account
with B.I.DB. which he set up in 1980.He died in 1996 in Benin Republic
of West Africa.
I received a memo early this year from the international remittance
unit of Banque .Internationale Du.Benin(B.I.D.B) for an interview about
$45M USD that belongs to my client Late P.Allen ,The Bank informed me
on their policy to Freeze the account of Late Paulton Allen and
redirect his funds $45m usd back to government treasury because they
saw no next of kinin his entire file within the bank and his acct has
been dormant for many years which is against the policy of the B.I.DB.
I am contacting you because of the need to involve a foreigner with
foreign account as the foreign beneficiary to that fund.I have resolved
to share the money in this ratio.50% for me,35% for you ,10% for the
remittance manager in the bank who has agreed to guide us for the
success of our objectives and 5% for expences we might incurre in the
processing of this transaction.
I will need your full name and address,including your bank account
informations where the funds will be processed into. i will also need
your telephone and fax numbers for oral communications too.I will start
the processing of all the legal documents to back up your claim
immediately you send all the required information.I will give you
further details on the entire process when i receive your positive
Basil Luta

i am more than a little sceptical.

August 24, 2005

don't ever work for…

a well-known branch of gym whom i will term 'shitness first'

talking of which…

Follow-up to the most grotesque blog entry ever written in general from Talking Behind the Psychic's Back



embarrassed? moi??

… following a conversation with Eim about why I have Denture Cleansing Tablets in my bathroom, the latest blog poll is

"what's the most embarrassing item you've ever bought?"

feminine hygiene products and contraceptives not allowed (unless you are a priest)

and a special Gordon Prize if you can guess why i have such tablets in my bathroom.

Gordon R

August 22, 2005

put down that turkey ham Kyle

now if i wasn't already taken

in the Messiah

Gordon R

August 19, 2005

between jerry ford and jerry carter i know which way i'm going

overheard in canley last night…
Mother (to infant child): GET IN THE FOOKIN HAUS NAH ELSE I'LL KNIFE YA!

well now!
it has come to my attention in recent weeks that my generally dishevelled, dissertation-y appearance is merely being compounded by the fact that my hair is, quite simply, too long. not having visited a professional hair-related emporium since 'september the 11th' (yes, that one. i remember it very clearly) i am probably long overdue for a bit of a restyle. unfortunately, i have been advised that a sweet 'napoleon dynamite'-esque 'fro is probably beyond my means, having stubbornly uncurly hair as i do. my question to you, dearest reader, is…

what the hell kind of haircut am i going to get?!

answers on a postcard, please. and be gentle.

August 18, 2005

looks like you got everything but a tall redhead

maybe this will work a little better than my ill-fated 'bad poetry' competition.

i want you to send me…
the worst-written piece of pornographic fiction you can come up with

best entry gets…
a night of passion with carter.

please share my umbrella

"sweet jesus, who is that?"
"it's marcia cross from tv's 'desperate housewives'"
"sweet jesus!!

August 2005

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