All entries for March 2005
March 25, 2005
… "I am the looks and brains of the operation, as the screaming bevvy of bitches frantically beating down my door every night for some Carter sex-lovin' will testify. Ballard simply supplies the Christ-awful bossa nova music which permeates the wall next to my room day and night like some dismal Satanic fart."
25 March 2005, 12:18
i have nothing more to say to you than THIS…
SCOOP: Chris Carter's absurd claim
YES! I've been waiting to use that for ages!!!
You Are 30% Redneck
The wheels still turning, but the hamster's dead.
You're just fakin' bein' a redneck.
in response to claire's questions…
1. Iceland or Sweden?
Sweden. my geography's a bit confused, but i believe that sweden gave us H+M, and possibly Ikea.
2. Spatula or spork?
3. Unicorn or Pegasus?
Pegasus with a cardboard horn stuck to him. come on, if you're going to ride a horse, the ability to fly is a more useful attribute than pointiness.
4. Rose creams or violet creams?
What's that now?
5. Toffee or fudge?
6. Coffee or tea?
7. Lager or Ale? (not at all a loaded question ;-))
8. Sun or moon?
Both. I'm really craving the sun right now, but i love seeing a big old full moon.
9. Slugs or snails?
Boik. neither!! claire!! all these things are grim!
10. Puppy-dogs tails-discuss.
Awk, wee puppies, i love wee puppies!
11. "Fairy" or "Fearie"?
12. JK Rowling or Phillip Pullman?
I haven't read either. But i think probably Rowling
13. Harry, Ron, or Hermione?
14. Are Demons a good idea, or would you rather not have to see yourself that clearly?
Give chris carter a chance
15. Favourite mythical creature?
16. Ever heard of a Beholder? what is it?
Guh. an acolyte?
17. Yorkie-can girls eat it too?
If they like, but it's gross.
18.Chocolate coated raisins or yoghurt coated banana?
Chocolate coated raisins.
19. What is the acceptable length for a scarf?
Scarves should go down to the ground, tom baker-style!
20. Smarties or MnM's?
21. Mini-eggs or creme eggs?
Oh they're both so good!
22. Janis Joplin orJoni Mitchell?
Janis Joplin by a hair.
23. Elves or Dwarves?
24. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot or Prongs?
25. Sheep or goat?
26. Incense; sticks, cones or oil?
27. Favourite incense smell?
Incense always makes me nauseous, unfortunately. But my favourite scent is vanilla
28. Last place you walked to?
You Are a Beagle Puppy
Cheerful, energetic, and happy go lucky.
And you're sense of smell is absolutely amazing!
March 24, 2005
are you in the same predicament as me?
at home for easter?
parents already told you at christmas that they didn't like your haircut?
kind of starting to wish you'd kept in touch with a few more people from school?
well, problem solved!
to make yourself laugh like a blurry lunatic who's just taken over the asylum…
…all you have to do is…
PUT YOUR DOG IN A TEESHIRT AND TAKE A PHOTO OF IT
okay, bear with me on this one, it's going somewhere.
having a few moments to spare this evening, i collected my thoughts together and decided that i wished to look at an amusing picture. like any child of the 21st century, i logged straight onto images.google.com to begin my search. unfortunately, the results were less than fruitful. in fact, what the internet designates as being funny is often, quite simply, bemusing. therefore…and this is where i get a little confused…i demand FUNNIER things to be on the internet. i'm not sure how to go about this, but i'll work it out. here's what i'm talking about…
a search for 'faintly amusing' on images.google.com brings up…
okay, so i guess that's faintly amusing, but come on.
'quite amusing' brings up…
not even remotely funny
i don't get it
a search for 'funny' brings up…
really not funny
those cars make my teeth hurt
very poor effort
'hilarious' yields the following…
this appears to be simply an upsetting picture of a doll holding a flattened cat in a bag
and finally…'the most hilarious thing i have ever seen' brings up little more than the following…
dearest reader, this is simply not good enough. please join me in my campaign for hilarity by scouring the net and posting details of genuinely funny things. i mean it. comedy. it's a serious business.
Writing about web page http://www.humanforsale.com
having said that…
|How stupid are you?|
You are almost like einstein.
|Click Here to Take This Quiz|
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.
|Would I consider you Hot?|
|Click Here to Take This Quiz|
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.
the internet really is full of shite, though.
|Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:||Bob Dylan|
|Are you male or female:||The Times They Are A-Changin'|
|Describe yourself:||Handy Dandy|
|How do some people feel about you:||Jokerman|
|How do you feel about yourself:||We Better Talk This Over|
|Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:||Most Likely You Go Your Way and I'll Go Mine|
|Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:||Baby, Let Me Follow You Down|
|Describe where you want to be:||Belle Isle|
|Describe what you want to be:||Up to Me|
|Describe how you live:||Watching the River Flow|
|Describe how you love:||Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|
|Share a few words of wisdom||Man Gave Names To All The Animals|
March 21, 2005
|You are Don Juan From "Don Juan De Marco."|
Woobaby! You are Don Juan - dark and handsome, and the world's greatest lover. Some people find you to be a bit insane (or is that insanely sexy?). While you may not be playing with all 52 cards, don't let that get you down - you're a true romantic at heart.
i find that highly unlikely.
Writing about web page http://members.lycos.co.uk/AdrianBallard/
i've discovered that my surname means 'bold headed' and that i may be related to the SOCIETY OF BALLARDI.
how have i missed out on the society of ballardi thus far?!
here we are now, let's do this thing here.
1.What Time is it now?
2.What is your full name?
Eimear Victoria Ballard
3.Single or taken?
oh dear, goodness me, i couldn't possibly say! er..complicatedly single.
4.What does your name mean?
'eimear' means 'beautiful' and 'ballard' apparently means 'bold headed.' woohoo!
5.Who picked out your name?
my mum picked 'emer'. she's an irish historian and the name comes from the irish myth of cuchulain. my dad wanted me to be called 'isis', but there you go!
6.What's your nickname?
eim is pretty much my name.
8.What colour are your eyes?
blue. like the bluest blue of the blue ocean awash with blue waves of blue.
9.Do you have an innie or an outie?
10.What size are your shoes?
my shoe size is…
ELEVEN. but where's question 11?
12.How tall (or short) are you?
6' or possibly 6'1 or even 6'2.
13.Honestly what do you like about yourself?
that i'm a despicable character with no positive qualities whatsoever
14.What do you always get complimented on?
my kiss. er…i don't know…my sense of humour!
15.What is your worst quality?
16.What are the last four digits of your phone Number?
17.Do you think you're cute?
19.Do you wear contacts?
living in central leam with tom, dave and carts
PEPSI FLOAT. that is good stuff!
22.Favourite alcoholic drink?
malibu and coke
hmmm…i've never thought about that before at all. probably may
24 Favourite Food?
pizza pizza pizza
25.Favourite Board Game?
www.b3ta.com is always good for a laugh
27.Favourite Clothing Brand?
wrangler all the way for jeans. diesel is good if feeling flush
28.Favourite day of the Year?
it's gotta be christmas day i'm sure!
wee puppies and wee ponies
FAMILY AND FRIENDS
31.Do you have more girl or boy friends?
probably more boy friends
32.Who's your best friends?
all my friends are FANTASTIC
33.Are your parents together?
34.How often do you get together with the family?
pretty often, i'm home every couple of months
35.Do you tell your parents or your friends more?
36.Anything special about your parents?
they're ace. my dad's a biker and my mum's a total hippy.
YES OR NO
38.You're a flirt?
41.You like someone?
42.You can keep secrets?
43.You dance in front of the mirror?
perhaps if i had a mirror that hadn't been RIPPED OFF THE WALL
44.You sing in the shower?
nah, not so much
46.You liked Britney Spears?
i liked her in a risotto
47.You've liked a cousin?
48.You've been in the opposite sexes bathroom?
49.You've seriously hurt someone?
i hope not, i hope not, i hope not
50.You've been hurt seriously?
all the bollocking time
52.You get your way?
i reckon that i usually do, but hopefully i'm easygoing enough not to be too fussed.
53.You're willing to try new things?
54.You've cheated on a test?
57.What are you wearing?
a blue polo shirt, jeans, and dunlop trainers, can you beat dunlop trainers?
58.What colour are your pants?
sadly, my pants have shamrocks on them
59.What are you listening to?
the whirring sound of resources room despair
60.How are you feeling?
good, good. although my face hurts
61.What are you doing?
just killing time
62.What are you eating?
63.How many people are online?
they're all bastards
64.How's the weather?
not so bad at all. bit of a nip
65.What's on your mouse pad?
fucking DELOITTE AND TOUCHE, oh!
66.What books are you reading?
'the ladies' paradise' by zola
67.How many razors?
68.What after shave do you use?
'si' by cerruti. but it's a perfume, not an aftershave
69.What's in your wallet?
a picture of me and becky, a bunch of receipts, a load of old crappy cards for places of which i am no longer a member, a blueberry waffle, and a villa in the south of france
71. tall or short boys?
72.Blonde or brunette boys?
75. Long hair or short hair on girls?
76. What do you find annoying in a boy?
77.What's the first thing you notice about boys?
their gorgeous, hunky bodies. oh, boys are such dreamboats!
88.What was the last movie you saw?
'death trap' by tobe hooper. what on earth was all that about?
89.What did you have for dinner?
i had a mcdonalds quorn premiere. i know, i know, i know
90.What are you hoping for?
unparalleled ecstacy of the senses
92.What movie do you really want to see?
'plan 9 from outer space', it's been a long time
93.Tell us about those scars?
one across my eyebrow from running into a pillar and knocking myself out. one messy nasty one on the back of my head from falling out of bed and knocking myself out on a radiator. and getting stuck to carpet in MY OWN BLOOD
95.Where is your favourite place to travel?
favourite holidays have been to africa, america and italy. would love to go to russia and to mexico
96.What did you last dream about?
i dreamt that i was trying to save a pizza from imprisonment in a zoo, and chris carter wouldn't let me. what a shit.
97.What was the last thing you ate?
98.If you were a crayon what colour what would you be?
'tin man's johnson silver' according to some stupid quiz i did the other day
99.Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
100.Do you like the person that sent this to you?
yeah yeah yeah
102.Ever had a crush on a teacher?
YES I HAVE, YES I HAVE, YES I HAVE
103.Are you too shy to ask someone out?
YES I AM, YES I AM, YES I AM
YES I AM!!!!!!
104.Scary movies or happy ending?
105.Summer or winter?
106.Relationships or one night stands?
107.Chocolate or Vanilla?
111.What did you do last night?
drove back from loughborough with carts in tow, watched 'death trap' with martel. thanks martel!
112.Anything else you want to add?
no further comment
WHAT DO YOU DO TO PREVENT ANGER?
guh! it's all gone a bit aggressive. i don't tend to get angry in much other than a comedic way, i hope
WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?
my big yellow teapot. but, mum and dad, i was always terrified of that giant clown!
HUGS OR KISSES?
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST?
suzanne, who i've known since secondary school
WHAT INSPIRES YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
cotton buds and spiders
PLAIN, BUTTERED OR SALTED POPCORN?
NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING?
5 or 6
FAVOURITE DAY OF THE WEEK?
friday, for that friday feeling
WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY?
had a hugely ace party
HOW MANY COUNTRIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN?
HOW MANY CITIES HAVE YOU LIVED IN?
er…nothing that could be called a city
HOW MANY CARS HAVE YOU HAD & WHAT WAS THE FIRST CAR THAT YOU HAD?
i've got a ford fiesta
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
newtownards, northern ireland.
oh, what an abrupt end!
i've travelled to campus to work from a cd-rom which i've just realised i left at home. i can't quite bear the thought of getting straight back onto that stagecoach bus monstrosity, the experience of riding which is not dissimilar to that of the 'nemesis' rollercoaster at alton towers. so i'm just pootling around the internet.
(that was the sound of a large sigh).
here are the things i'd like to talk about.
what the hell can this possibly mean?
[ServletException in:/jsp/admin/gallery/uploadPopup.jsp] Neither Errors instance nor plain target object for bean name imageCommand available as request attribute'
costcutter, i am by no means your biggest fan, and your fruit is vastly overpriced. but thank you for putting chocolate fingers on offer. they're getting me through these dark times, alone in the resources room.
thank you to roisin and david for an AMAZING weekend in loughborough!
i love you guys.
ah… screw you guys!
AA route planners
AA route planners, you're NO GOOD! you got myself and mr chris carter absolutely lost in some backwater village called ansty, you absolutely failed to direct us back from ikea, you sent us to barton in the beans, and you're just no good. after spending about six hours attempting to get through 'beeston', wherever that was, it did us no good whatsover to make it to long eaton and see a range of shops entitled BEESTON KEBABS. no good!!!
becky's gone travelling for six months or thereabouts, and is now in south africa.. her travel blog is here
guy from the bus
i met a guy on the bus today called jean-pierre kunzler. he's a pretty ace painter and apparently one of his pieces is on display in st mary's church, so i'm going to check that out later. by the way, st mary's church, if you're reading this, sort your act out. you are about the least inspiring place of worship i could possibly envisage, not least because of those hideous pruned trees that surround you and that look like leprous fists. and please stop ringing your bells every time i step out of my front door, it's deeply upsetting.
perhaps i should get a different haircut, no?