March 24, 2005

true story

- 23 comments by 1 or more people Not publicly viewable

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  1. Here, have a comment

    24 Mar 2005, 10:39

  2. …no, wait a minute, here, have two.

    Bonus points for spotting dodgy early 90s song referenced here.

    24 Mar 2005, 10:40

  3. Have another. Nice picture btw

    24 Mar 2005, 10:50

  4. Chris Carter

    Simon – 'Mr Wendal' by Arrested Development, from the album '3 Years, 5 Months and 2 Days In the Life Of…'

    I thankyow.

    24 Mar 2005, 11:25

  5. Some random

    What sort of comment do you want?? If you're looking for hilarity on the internet I'd suggest reading your blog and that of the Chris guy. Funniest things I've read in a long time. Never knew such people were around in Warwick. Although I did see you perform some comedy once and you asked if anyone had had a strange job. I was too shy to say but my worst job was welding lamp shade frames together. Truely awful at the time but funny now I can look back on it.

    Did you take that photo in a public toilet somewhere? The wall tileing sort of gives it away.

    24 Mar 2005, 12:31

  6. have a 'comment of death'

    24 Mar 2005, 13:23

  7. Have a +1.

    24 Mar 2005, 14:02

  8. Hey Eimer! I've just realised I didn't comment here yesterday despite stealing your questions…oops

    I did track it back however, I'm not totally heartless!

    24 Mar 2005, 14:26

  9. Cheese.

    24 Mar 2005, 16:57

  10. simon – thanks for commenting mate – it's good to know that we're not all just everyday people out here.
    yes! i got one! I GOT ONE!

    lisa – thank you very much. will you be my wife?

    random – thank you very much indeed! i'm very happy to know that i can make you laugh. you sound like a person after my own heart, as i am continuously craving comedy at warwick. by chris, do you mean chris carter? if so, great, as we're hoping to make our careers in writing comedy together. i'll be the brains, brawn and looks of the operation. next time you see me, come up and say hi! and definitely shout out about the lampshades next time…god, that sounds like an atrocious job…

    helen, luke and holly – i know for a fact that you can do much better…

    claire – i wouldn't be worrying about that mate. the song titles quiz is the one that caused me the most amusement recently!

    24 Mar 2005, 19:41

  11. Any better?

    24 Mar 2005, 23:19

  12. meh…
    i don't understand!

    24 Mar 2005, 23:45

  13. Fine, you want effort in comments, I'll give you effort…


    Strange the ways this source of calcium/
    Coming from a source recalcitrant/
    Spans the spectrum/
    Of taste expecting/
    Each to find in the halcyon/
    Days a cheese they can enjoy.

    For strong and pugent aroma enticing/
    The pretentious party host inviting/
    Those who decry/
    The safe in life/
    Who limit themselves at time of writing/
    To safe options like cheddar.

    My brain's run out of words…

    25 Mar 2005, 00:35

  14. Random

    YES! More comedy please! Take it to one of the well-known clubs in Leam and crack the faces of the people there. I had more fun discussing the merits of Horlicks on the way home. And I think it is the same Chris guy. If you're the looks, brains and brawn does that make him your ventriloquist puppet? You could dislocate his jaw, attach a stick to it, sit him on your lap and move his mouth up and down as you speak.

    Another awful job – let's just say it was an operation attached to a 'well known TV and video rental store'. My boss used to come in and tell us about how he'd artificially inseminated his horses at the weekend. That's when I mastered the art of tilting my head to one side, letting my eyes glaze over and say "how interesting" in a very non-commitant voice. Gross, gross and totally WRONG!!

    25 Mar 2005, 10:55

  15. holly – that is the BEST poem about cheese i have ever read!! fantastic work, keep it up! please will you write me a poem about wee puppies and wee ponies?

    random – you've got it exactly right, chris carter is little more than my very own dummy. watch me closely when he starts to speak and you'll see. unfortunately he sometimes takes over and starts spouting uncontrollable crap about REM. have u been to the spa-tickles night in toyk? i might be performing there soon. and was your job in blockbuster by any chance? my ex-girlfriend used to work in there and apparently every member of staff had to memorise 'the nine points of customer service' which included asking the question 'which method of payment will you be using today?' even as an irate customer thrust cash toward the hapless member of staff. conversations about good customer service = death. they were always getting robbed too.

    25 Mar 2005, 12:09

  16. It's not true. I am the looks and brains of the operation, as the screaming bevvy of bitches frantically beating down my door every night for some Carter sex-lovin' will testify. Ballard simply supplies the Christ-awful bossa nova music which permeates the wall next to my room day and night like some dismal Satanic fart.

    25 Mar 2005, 12:18

  17. I hope by "wee puppies and wee ponies" you mean small animals because I doubt my poetic abilities extend to poems about incontinent cute things… hell they don't extend very far in any direction, but that's not to point.

    I need to eat less pitta bread…

    25 Mar 2005, 14:10

  18. Roisin

    Holly – stay with the pitta bread, as ADOctor I'm sure Eim would recommend you eat lots – am I right?

    25 Mar 2005, 14:36

  19. aye, wee tiny puppies with wee fluffy faces, and wee ponies with floopily wee tails! they're so cute!

    25 Mar 2005, 15:58

  20. Again, the Random

    Does that make Chris guy 'Carter USM'?? But I wouldn't advertise the Satanic farts as background music to your hot loving if you really want to pull with the girls, Chris.

    Miss Ballard, I can't reveal myself as that just wouldn't be fun! really though, I am just a random who stumbled on your blog one day. But I will try and make your next comedy thing and heckle you from the back.
    Keep those pup-tastic photies coming! Just loving the Basil Brush look!
    (I once made a clay squirrel at primary school and everyone thought it was the fox Basil Brush instead, I was so upset. But not as upset as my when my gran told me I couldn't put my male handpuppet squirrel in dolls' dresses. So the squirrel handpuppet got a sex change. From Cyril the Squirrel to Cyrilina. What a liberal household!)

    25 Mar 2005, 17:14

  21. random – definitely do come along and heckle me. i love getting heckled. my favourite ever heckle went something along these lines…
    me: 'do you like impressions?'
    heckler: 'no.'

    good stuff. that basil brush story is quite cool, although you may be talking about it in therapy one day.
    do give me one clue as to your identity? how exciting!

    26 Mar 2005, 00:28

  22. Gordon R

    heh heh – one year on! and look where it's taken you!!!


    24 Mar 2006, 17:58

  23. Christ! Gordon Random, has it really been a year..??

    24 Mar 2006, 18:29

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